Should I stay or should I go?
So life has gotten significantly better in the last couple of months, but at the same time has never been more insane. I haven't really talked to my mom all that much the last few months. But when I do it usually goes pretty well. Me and my brother have been connecting a lot more recently, I'm really glad that I went to see him the last time I was home.
Lets see.... Eva.. were do I start here... I feel like 4 years ago would take to long to sum up, and I still want to accomplish something today, sooo I'm going to shorten it up a bit. Eva and I had a huge falling out a few months ago. When SHE decided she was going to break up with ME. After 4 years and all the shit she put me through, yet for some reason I still stuck it out. SHE broke up with ME. At first I was heart broken, I thought I had lost everything that I had been holding onto. I had already lost my best friend, and the respect of a lot others... Luckily I bounced back quick and snapped out of it a few weeks later and realized, that over the last few years I had really lost myself. I lost track of what I believed in, and who I was as a person. THEN I had another realization, The reason it was so easy to lose myself in a girl, was simply because I always had a girl defining my life. I never really took the lead, despite what it may have looked like from the outside. So naturally I went on some dates... haha. But with a different mindset.
As more time went by, I realized more and more, how much a really do love life. I love my friends, and I love simply enjoy every small detail of life from the happy moments to the hard ones. I had everything figured out.
A few weeks ago Eva decided she wanted me back, no matter what that meant for her. Which seems kinda like bullshit, because despite my best efforts to keep her out of the apartment, she moved back in anyway. She tells me that she has changed, that she realizes that she let her depression/anxiety get the best of her to often, and that she really wants to be the person I deserve. She doesn't want to see me sad over friends because of her, and even wants to be friends with my friends. She says she is over the past, and just wants a good future. She says she trusts me, the decisions that I make, and the people I want to be around. She even wants to spend more time outdoors, surfing, hiking, adventuring, etc. It all sounds great right? But for some reason, I can't forgive her.. I have been trying really hard, but I still see nothing but pain when I look at her. I don't know what to do next... After she broke up with me, I was able to see what an idiot I had been, and even forgiven myself for it. I was even able to see that there actually were other people out there that I could have a happy life with. So I don't really know whats going to happen next... but at least now I have perspective on everything so I will be able to make the best decision when that time comes...
For now what I really need to focus on is my last semester and what is going to happen after it. I took essentially the entire summer off only working as I need it, and selling most of my things. But still haven't done jack shit for school or my career. I really need to finish/re-start my portfolio before the semester starts, because when it does I wont have time, and when it's over it's time to make really money to start getting out of school debt. I'm still planning on starting my business although, my 2 bestfriends/business partners and myself are going to be in 3 different parts of the world I still think we can pull it off. But in the meantime, I'm probably going to need a second job so I need to get this portfolio done.
I don't know where I'm going to be after I graduate.. I really do love the bay area, and wouldn't mind hanging around a bit longer.. But the rest of the world is still out there.. I know for sure I will never EVER. ever ever ever ever ever, maybe one day but for now.. never ever ever moving back to NJ. The closet I will get to it is NYC or Philadelphia, and that would only be for work, and would for sure only be temporary. I'm thinking next stop on my journey is Europe, maybe Italy.. maybe France (although I hear there are a lot of French people). Really it's all up in the air and will be decided in the next year. 2013 will be the year I leave the country. When in 2013 really depends on the upcoming election... If we really vote in another idiot like Mitt Romney I assure you I will be fleeing the country by March. The only good thing about Mitt Romney becoming president is that I would have lost all faith in the US and would no longer be needing to pay them back my student loans, I would never be returning.
So we'll see were life goes, I'll try to remember to keep this thing updated..
Always Inspired
George
Lets see.... Eva.. were do I start here... I feel like 4 years ago would take to long to sum up, and I still want to accomplish something today, sooo I'm going to shorten it up a bit. Eva and I had a huge falling out a few months ago. When SHE decided she was going to break up with ME. After 4 years and all the shit she put me through, yet for some reason I still stuck it out. SHE broke up with ME. At first I was heart broken, I thought I had lost everything that I had been holding onto. I had already lost my best friend, and the respect of a lot others... Luckily I bounced back quick and snapped out of it a few weeks later and realized, that over the last few years I had really lost myself. I lost track of what I believed in, and who I was as a person. THEN I had another realization, The reason it was so easy to lose myself in a girl, was simply because I always had a girl defining my life. I never really took the lead, despite what it may have looked like from the outside. So naturally I went on some dates... haha. But with a different mindset.
As more time went by, I realized more and more, how much a really do love life. I love my friends, and I love simply enjoy every small detail of life from the happy moments to the hard ones. I had everything figured out.
A few weeks ago Eva decided she wanted me back, no matter what that meant for her. Which seems kinda like bullshit, because despite my best efforts to keep her out of the apartment, she moved back in anyway. She tells me that she has changed, that she realizes that she let her depression/anxiety get the best of her to often, and that she really wants to be the person I deserve. She doesn't want to see me sad over friends because of her, and even wants to be friends with my friends. She says she is over the past, and just wants a good future. She says she trusts me, the decisions that I make, and the people I want to be around. She even wants to spend more time outdoors, surfing, hiking, adventuring, etc. It all sounds great right? But for some reason, I can't forgive her.. I have been trying really hard, but I still see nothing but pain when I look at her. I don't know what to do next... After she broke up with me, I was able to see what an idiot I had been, and even forgiven myself for it. I was even able to see that there actually were other people out there that I could have a happy life with. So I don't really know whats going to happen next... but at least now I have perspective on everything so I will be able to make the best decision when that time comes...
For now what I really need to focus on is my last semester and what is going to happen after it. I took essentially the entire summer off only working as I need it, and selling most of my things. But still haven't done jack shit for school or my career. I really need to finish/re-start my portfolio before the semester starts, because when it does I wont have time, and when it's over it's time to make really money to start getting out of school debt. I'm still planning on starting my business although, my 2 bestfriends/business partners and myself are going to be in 3 different parts of the world I still think we can pull it off. But in the meantime, I'm probably going to need a second job so I need to get this portfolio done.
I don't know where I'm going to be after I graduate.. I really do love the bay area, and wouldn't mind hanging around a bit longer.. But the rest of the world is still out there.. I know for sure I will never EVER. ever ever ever ever ever, maybe one day but for now.. never ever ever moving back to NJ. The closet I will get to it is NYC or Philadelphia, and that would only be for work, and would for sure only be temporary. I'm thinking next stop on my journey is Europe, maybe Italy.. maybe France (although I hear there are a lot of French people). Really it's all up in the air and will be decided in the next year. 2013 will be the year I leave the country. When in 2013 really depends on the upcoming election... If we really vote in another idiot like Mitt Romney I assure you I will be fleeing the country by March. The only good thing about Mitt Romney becoming president is that I would have lost all faith in the US and would no longer be needing to pay them back my student loans, I would never be returning.
So we'll see were life goes, I'll try to remember to keep this thing updated..
Always Inspired
George