bad girl bad girl, what you gonna do when they come for you?
Before i take off to go to ohio, i thought i'd write a pre-trip entry. though this will have nothing to do with the trip itself and what i'm expecting. oh yes, for those who dont know yet, i'm going to ohio to see chris (not natick chris). most of you dont know who chris is. actually.. prolly only janice does. lol! oh well.
this is more so an entry about how i've been feeling about the relationships i have/had.
for the most part, so far so good. After being sexiled from my room cuz jessie had her boyfriend over, i was forced to socialize with the people in my dorm who turned about to be really cool. i met michelle and sandra who are the nicest girls ever. michelle is a nut case. meeting new people is good, specially in the dorm. i should go visit peole more often.
now thinking about past relationships... a few come to mind. and when i think of these past relationships, i feel dissapointed in myself. *taken from a different journal entry* i dont really think i give enough to support a real friendship. Take janice for instance, we talk very occassionally, buti wont kill myself over it cuz i know we'll always be friends and we usually have very little to conflict about. we're generally pretty content when we get to chill with each other. michelle i hardly ever talk to but it's cool that we still hang out when we're both in andover, though i guess it's a lil strange that i've known her for so long but dont actually know her. too bad our schools are so far away and she's never online anymore. meng.. ah meng... i miss him a lot. sometimes i really miss the high school meng, he was so much fun and so easy to talk to and so agreeable. not to say he isnt these things now but i think out of our group, he's changed the most. so long as i can hang out with him during the summer, things should be cool. probably the most significant relationship was with chris. we really were as close as you could get, and that closeness has definitely.. dissapeared. and this was, obviously, a result of my negligence. When i think of me and chris. it kind of hurts my heart. i physically feel pain when i think of him. the reason being that he's really been... nothing but good to me. dont think i didnt notice, or dont appreciate it, cuz i do. ultimately, i'm not a very giving person, and i feel bad for chris for trying so hard and wasting so much time on me. i'll never do him justice, and perhaps he's thinking about completely terminating the friendship. and you know what? that wouldnt surprise me. after what i've put him through, it would only be fair. this isnt' some kind of guilt trip type thing, but really what i think about it. it would probably be best for his sanity to keep away from me. i never EVER wanted to hurt him, certainly not on purpose, but i am the way i am. i dont like it, no one does. honestly, i guess all i can do is hope, but if things dont turn out.. then.. i dunno.
this is more so an entry about how i've been feeling about the relationships i have/had.
for the most part, so far so good. After being sexiled from my room cuz jessie had her boyfriend over, i was forced to socialize with the people in my dorm who turned about to be really cool. i met michelle and sandra who are the nicest girls ever. michelle is a nut case. meeting new people is good, specially in the dorm. i should go visit peole more often.
now thinking about past relationships... a few come to mind. and when i think of these past relationships, i feel dissapointed in myself. *taken from a different journal entry* i dont really think i give enough to support a real friendship. Take janice for instance, we talk very occassionally, buti wont kill myself over it cuz i know we'll always be friends and we usually have very little to conflict about. we're generally pretty content when we get to chill with each other. michelle i hardly ever talk to but it's cool that we still hang out when we're both in andover, though i guess it's a lil strange that i've known her for so long but dont actually know her. too bad our schools are so far away and she's never online anymore. meng.. ah meng... i miss him a lot. sometimes i really miss the high school meng, he was so much fun and so easy to talk to and so agreeable. not to say he isnt these things now but i think out of our group, he's changed the most. so long as i can hang out with him during the summer, things should be cool. probably the most significant relationship was with chris. we really were as close as you could get, and that closeness has definitely.. dissapeared. and this was, obviously, a result of my negligence. When i think of me and chris. it kind of hurts my heart. i physically feel pain when i think of him. the reason being that he's really been... nothing but good to me. dont think i didnt notice, or dont appreciate it, cuz i do. ultimately, i'm not a very giving person, and i feel bad for chris for trying so hard and wasting so much time on me. i'll never do him justice, and perhaps he's thinking about completely terminating the friendship. and you know what? that wouldnt surprise me. after what i've put him through, it would only be fair. this isnt' some kind of guilt trip type thing, but really what i think about it. it would probably be best for his sanity to keep away from me. i never EVER wanted to hurt him, certainly not on purpose, but i am the way i am. i dont like it, no one does. honestly, i guess all i can do is hope, but if things dont turn out.. then.. i dunno.