Backtracking..
I havent felt entirely compelled to write (type) anything of use in awhile and i am looking to push through my Blah-ness and force myself to do so at least once a day, even if i dont nessarily post it here.
Christ almighty that was a long fucking sentence. i should quit while im ahead.
It might not seem like much has changed in my life, but it has.
Sure, everything still sucks, but i am keeping a positive outlook on it, even in the face of mindnumbing boredom the likes of which are surely driving me mad, i smile and tell myself tomorrow will suck slightly less.
I know what your thinking and your probly right. i am delusional.
But yeah, been kinda depressed lately, but fighting through.
I'm still looking for work, its not going so well but i am still fighting through it.
I am still living with dad, my intial hate for the neighborhood has given way to overal indiffrence. i dont love it here but its far from fantastic. but overall my anger now stems from the lack of D&D's , parks that i could hang out in (well parks that i could hang out in an feel SAFE), and the fact that ,with the price hike its now a bit more expensive to head back to familiar territory.
And ive been doing that alot.
Spent something like 4 or 5 weekends (3 of which nearly consequitively) @ either lee's or donna's which was awesome.
We'd watch movies & awesome tv shows, play games everythings just great. Sounds sad, but they're really the only people i talk to latelly who arent online, refusing to hire me,demanding i make diner, or yelling @ me for being a failure. i like going over even if its for a lil bit, it reminds me that i have friends.
the next weekends were w/ mom, and that was well....terrible. i really only stay there cause they have cable & a HD tv in the living room.
I dont like it there, but my mom keeps luring me back with cash and random spaztic moments where she wants to help me out, but will turn on me the sec i question ANY of her parenting decisions. Namely ,that Matt's Gf is preggers, and the fact that this chic has been staying over for months ...in his room.....wasnt a red flag for her. She was legit shocked. I wasnt. i say this aloud and nearly get thrown out.
My mom made a big melodramtic show of it, and then treated it as if nothing was wrong.
in fact EVERYONES remarkably calm about this.
Matt's simply asking for more hours at radioshack. while this girlfriend of his (who's name ill have to learn eventually) comes around every so often to sit on our couch and watch our tv.
Mind u i'd better w/ this if the girlfriend seemed like she had a good head on her shoulders.
NOPE.
I heard her argue to Matt they they could still toke up til she's like 2 or 3 months.
Matt refused to let her, which is probly the smartest thing he's done in months, but then proceeded to step outside to smoke himself.
*facepalm*
she's a bigger moron than matt. and i dont even mean that because she got herself knocked up. You ever hear someone speak and just KNOW they not only had remedial classes, but failed them and repeated the grade a few times? She's not even attractive. i mean Matt has done better for himself, and the one that he's forced to deal with (assuming he sticks around in this poor kids life) has her jacked up face next to "Hood rat" in the dictionary.
Fuck thats mean.
I'm sorry?
No im not.
Im just upset.
Because lets be real here,i've raised my brothers , granted Matt to a lesser extent than A.J. and Angel, but i raised him and i just cant help but feel i fucked up here.
But not just fucked up, completely dissasciated myself completely from the matter cause im that upset.
To the point that at Bella's Bday party last weekend, with the whole family there, i barely acknowledged them. and people were all "YAY YER GONA BE AN UNCLE!!YAAY!!"
and i'd look at them like "Are you fucking retarded??this is a travesty. i dont even." and i spent most of it either playing DS and refusing eye contact or refusing to hold baby Bella, which broke my heart cause she kept reaching out to me (and i DID end up holding her abit) but
at that point i was all "ALL THESE Gorram children!!SICK OF RAISING EVERYBODYS BABIES!!!grrrr!!"
And nobody really knows. i mean yeah i was the 1st to be like "DUDE U FUCKED UP!" but afterward i just sorta shut up about it cause to bring it up would only cause trouble.
In other news Glee's been awesome but it's ending soon and i'm running out of things to watch.
I'm ridiculously involved in the Doctor Who fandom lately. I've gone from being infatuated with Amy and "meh" towards the new doctor, to COMPLETELY sexually obessed w/ Amy (and gingers in general lol) and totally loving the new guy to the point were i going to start cosplaying him. Yes the epic post i've been holding off on is actually half done. ill post it soon simply cause its STILL an amazing tale that needs to be told.
Till then i will go shopping for tweed jackets and bowties.
Im either gona look amazing or like the biggest dork ever. regardless, im going for it.
The glasses have taken some getting used to. i need to go back to the place to fix them cause i think they may have gotten a bit bent. or maybe my whole head is lopsided ,who knows? im still a bit iffy on them , but can't bring myself to put my contacts on ,cause i remember how much difficulty i'd have putting them on. Oh well. Lee likes them. surely this means other girls would like them too, right?
I mean, how else would i go about atracting hot geeky ginger girls, if not dressed like the eleventh doctor with glasses for extra nerd cred?
I'll be a hit at conventions, at least.
Reminds me, i need to buy that new sonic screwdriver.
ALSO;
FUCK
animenext is soonish. and i might not go this year.
I mean just now i figured "well a day @ least."
the preg is up in a few days, and if i miss it the price BALLOOOONS up and they charge as much for preg the whole weekend JUST for saturday.
BALLS.
ANYWAYS....
If i could convince mom to take me shopping tomorrow, and i manage to slip in the whole bowtie getup, i kinda wana go drinking in it.
In fact , if dad gives me the bi-weekly "Myra's coming over. here's $20, disapear." cash 2morrow, i might wana go drinking regardless.
Dollar drinks anyone?
so yeah, ill rant more later. will post if anything intresting comes up.
Christ almighty that was a long fucking sentence. i should quit while im ahead.
It might not seem like much has changed in my life, but it has.
Sure, everything still sucks, but i am keeping a positive outlook on it, even in the face of mindnumbing boredom the likes of which are surely driving me mad, i smile and tell myself tomorrow will suck slightly less.
I know what your thinking and your probly right. i am delusional.
But yeah, been kinda depressed lately, but fighting through.
I'm still looking for work, its not going so well but i am still fighting through it.
I am still living with dad, my intial hate for the neighborhood has given way to overal indiffrence. i dont love it here but its far from fantastic. but overall my anger now stems from the lack of D&D's , parks that i could hang out in (well parks that i could hang out in an feel SAFE), and the fact that ,with the price hike its now a bit more expensive to head back to familiar territory.
And ive been doing that alot.
Spent something like 4 or 5 weekends (3 of which nearly consequitively) @ either lee's or donna's which was awesome.
We'd watch movies & awesome tv shows, play games everythings just great. Sounds sad, but they're really the only people i talk to latelly who arent online, refusing to hire me,demanding i make diner, or yelling @ me for being a failure. i like going over even if its for a lil bit, it reminds me that i have friends.
the next weekends were w/ mom, and that was well....terrible. i really only stay there cause they have cable & a HD tv in the living room.
I dont like it there, but my mom keeps luring me back with cash and random spaztic moments where she wants to help me out, but will turn on me the sec i question ANY of her parenting decisions. Namely ,that Matt's Gf is preggers, and the fact that this chic has been staying over for months ...in his room.....wasnt a red flag for her. She was legit shocked. I wasnt. i say this aloud and nearly get thrown out.
My mom made a big melodramtic show of it, and then treated it as if nothing was wrong.
in fact EVERYONES remarkably calm about this.
Matt's simply asking for more hours at radioshack. while this girlfriend of his (who's name ill have to learn eventually) comes around every so often to sit on our couch and watch our tv.
Mind u i'd better w/ this if the girlfriend seemed like she had a good head on her shoulders.
NOPE.
I heard her argue to Matt they they could still toke up til she's like 2 or 3 months.
Matt refused to let her, which is probly the smartest thing he's done in months, but then proceeded to step outside to smoke himself.
*facepalm*
she's a bigger moron than matt. and i dont even mean that because she got herself knocked up. You ever hear someone speak and just KNOW they not only had remedial classes, but failed them and repeated the grade a few times? She's not even attractive. i mean Matt has done better for himself, and the one that he's forced to deal with (assuming he sticks around in this poor kids life) has her jacked up face next to "Hood rat" in the dictionary.
Fuck thats mean.
I'm sorry?
No im not.
Im just upset.
Because lets be real here,i've raised my brothers , granted Matt to a lesser extent than A.J. and Angel, but i raised him and i just cant help but feel i fucked up here.
But not just fucked up, completely dissasciated myself completely from the matter cause im that upset.
To the point that at Bella's Bday party last weekend, with the whole family there, i barely acknowledged them. and people were all "YAY YER GONA BE AN UNCLE!!YAAY!!"
and i'd look at them like "Are you fucking retarded??this is a travesty. i dont even." and i spent most of it either playing DS and refusing eye contact or refusing to hold baby Bella, which broke my heart cause she kept reaching out to me (and i DID end up holding her abit) but
at that point i was all "ALL THESE Gorram children!!SICK OF RAISING EVERYBODYS BABIES!!!grrrr!!"
And nobody really knows. i mean yeah i was the 1st to be like "DUDE U FUCKED UP!" but afterward i just sorta shut up about it cause to bring it up would only cause trouble.
In other news Glee's been awesome but it's ending soon and i'm running out of things to watch.
I'm ridiculously involved in the Doctor Who fandom lately. I've gone from being infatuated with Amy and "meh" towards the new doctor, to COMPLETELY sexually obessed w/ Amy (and gingers in general lol) and totally loving the new guy to the point were i going to start cosplaying him. Yes the epic post i've been holding off on is actually half done. ill post it soon simply cause its STILL an amazing tale that needs to be told.
Till then i will go shopping for tweed jackets and bowties.
Im either gona look amazing or like the biggest dork ever. regardless, im going for it.
The glasses have taken some getting used to. i need to go back to the place to fix them cause i think they may have gotten a bit bent. or maybe my whole head is lopsided ,who knows? im still a bit iffy on them , but can't bring myself to put my contacts on ,cause i remember how much difficulty i'd have putting them on. Oh well. Lee likes them. surely this means other girls would like them too, right?
I mean, how else would i go about atracting hot geeky ginger girls, if not dressed like the eleventh doctor with glasses for extra nerd cred?
I'll be a hit at conventions, at least.
Reminds me, i need to buy that new sonic screwdriver.
ALSO;
FUCK
animenext is soonish. and i might not go this year.
I mean just now i figured "well a day @ least."
the preg is up in a few days, and if i miss it the price BALLOOOONS up and they charge as much for preg the whole weekend JUST for saturday.
BALLS.
ANYWAYS....
If i could convince mom to take me shopping tomorrow, and i manage to slip in the whole bowtie getup, i kinda wana go drinking in it.
In fact , if dad gives me the bi-weekly "Myra's coming over. here's $20, disapear." cash 2morrow, i might wana go drinking regardless.
Dollar drinks anyone?
so yeah, ill rant more later. will post if anything intresting comes up.