...
I feel so helpless and stupid. It's a cold, uncaring world out there. I'm working a job I hate... Doing work that's mind numbingly boring with people I genuinely dislike... I come home exhausted... My basic necessities -- my medications, my hormones -- are a big huge headache to deal with...
On some level I'm doing the job thing because I think Alex deserves someone who has a job. Someone who can treat her right, take her out to nice places, help her out financially once in a while if she needs it. But sometimes I really have to ask myself what I'm accomplishing. She hates her job every bit as much as I hate mine... And she has to come home and see how unhappy I am about my job, just like I have to come home and see how unhappy she is about hers.
She's the only person who I really think is "on my side" in the true sense of the world. The only person who's there for me when I really need someone in my corner. But she's actually slightly more powerless than I am, when it comes to most things. Which sucks ass.
There has to be a situation where we can be happy together. There has to be something we could be doing differently where we wouldn't constantly both be stressed and exhausted. There's nothing more beautiful in this world to me than that woman's smile... Probably for as long as I've known her, I've spared no effort, been completely unabashed about making an utter fool of myself, regardless of where we were... Just to make her smile.
But I get to see that so rarely nowadays. :(
Someone help me fix this.
On some level I'm doing the job thing because I think Alex deserves someone who has a job. Someone who can treat her right, take her out to nice places, help her out financially once in a while if she needs it. But sometimes I really have to ask myself what I'm accomplishing. She hates her job every bit as much as I hate mine... And she has to come home and see how unhappy I am about my job, just like I have to come home and see how unhappy she is about hers.
She's the only person who I really think is "on my side" in the true sense of the world. The only person who's there for me when I really need someone in my corner. But she's actually slightly more powerless than I am, when it comes to most things. Which sucks ass.
There has to be a situation where we can be happy together. There has to be something we could be doing differently where we wouldn't constantly both be stressed and exhausted. There's nothing more beautiful in this world to me than that woman's smile... Probably for as long as I've known her, I've spared no effort, been completely unabashed about making an utter fool of myself, regardless of where we were... Just to make her smile.
But I get to see that so rarely nowadays. :(
Someone help me fix this.