forgot to mention
last night i tried "centzon totochtin" just before bed. LOVED it for a couple minutes, and the scent brought up some intense feelings... then i realized that it smelled exactly like the plug-in perfume room "fresheners" somebody at Therapist Lisa's office used to use. (which would certainly explain some of the intense feelings.) that shit used to give me headaches; i'd come home from my appointments and my coat and hair would smell of it. it was awful. now i'm conflicted. as a room smell, where you have to smell it no matter what, it's awful -- but as a perfume, in very controlled doses, it's actually pretty interesting. i'll hang onto it for now, but it'll likely get limited wear, as with extended exposure i'll get a headache.
now i'm waiting for the klonopin to kick in, because i realized, by the time i got home, i was a lot more stressed than i'd been letting myself see. had what was mostly a nice convo w/ FB, but towards the end of it i caught myself doing this backpedaling thing i do sometimes -- long story, has to do with me needing approval from the people i care about, it's getting better but i still do it when i'm stressed out. and i'm stressed out, as i said, so i opted at that point to just change the subject. (bearing in mind that seriously, it was all on my end, fed by only a very minor reaction on his part that may have been all in my head.) and was still stressed when i got off the phone, so opted for medication tonight, as i need to get a decent night's sleep or i won't feel up to driving an hour & a half before noon. egads, and i'm going to have to get a load of laundry done before i go.
"give more than a whisper
if you're saying 'i love you'
'cuz it's the whispers i have never understood"
from "more than a whisper", nanci griffith/bobby nelson
(...er, just to specify, that's not, repeat NOT, tied into the FB convo. just how i'm feeling in general.)
now i'm waiting for the klonopin to kick in, because i realized, by the time i got home, i was a lot more stressed than i'd been letting myself see. had what was mostly a nice convo w/ FB, but towards the end of it i caught myself doing this backpedaling thing i do sometimes -- long story, has to do with me needing approval from the people i care about, it's getting better but i still do it when i'm stressed out. and i'm stressed out, as i said, so i opted at that point to just change the subject. (bearing in mind that seriously, it was all on my end, fed by only a very minor reaction on his part that may have been all in my head.) and was still stressed when i got off the phone, so opted for medication tonight, as i need to get a decent night's sleep or i won't feel up to driving an hour & a half before noon. egads, and i'm going to have to get a load of laundry done before i go.
"give more than a whisper
if you're saying 'i love you'
'cuz it's the whispers i have never understood"
from "more than a whisper", nanci griffith/bobby nelson
(...er, just to specify, that's not, repeat NOT, tied into the FB convo. just how i'm feeling in general.)