Some thoughts on Buran
In retrospect, playing Buran was a more fantasy fulfilling endeavor than I ever realized while playing him. Though he was more often than not disliked, the unwavering pillar of support and love that Levanter provided made him think fuck all of how the rest of the world felt about him. His callousness and disregard for the sensibility of others appealed to me--not because I want to be a jerk, though I suppose sometimes I do. Mainly it appealed to me because he felt no responsibility to appease the needs of others. He was entirely his own creature, for better or worse.
And even more baffling was that his identity was such a strange one. A Bha'alspawn, asexual, not identifying strongly with either male or female gender roles, worshiping a god only previously revered by warrior lizardfolk, he was one weird egg for sure. But none of these differences between his worldview and the worldview of those around him ever swayed him from his convictions.
Even though I often have strong opinions on world issues, in my life I've very seldomly felt comfortable in my own skin. I often feel guilty about what I've sometimes perceived as 'indulging' in being myself. Buran is the exact opposite of that. He has very few strong opinions on the world at large, but he is certain of how he wants to fit into the scheme of things. It's a trait of his for which I feel no small amount of envy.
I remind myself that unlike me, Buran didn't find any happiness in his existence for years and years, and made a lot of bad choices along the way. I've had a substantial amount of happiness in my life by comparison, and regret only a few of the decisions I've made. But maybe part of that is lacking the courage to make those potentially bad decisions in the first place.
And even more baffling was that his identity was such a strange one. A Bha'alspawn, asexual, not identifying strongly with either male or female gender roles, worshiping a god only previously revered by warrior lizardfolk, he was one weird egg for sure. But none of these differences between his worldview and the worldview of those around him ever swayed him from his convictions.
Even though I often have strong opinions on world issues, in my life I've very seldomly felt comfortable in my own skin. I often feel guilty about what I've sometimes perceived as 'indulging' in being myself. Buran is the exact opposite of that. He has very few strong opinions on the world at large, but he is certain of how he wants to fit into the scheme of things. It's a trait of his for which I feel no small amount of envy.
I remind myself that unlike me, Buran didn't find any happiness in his existence for years and years, and made a lot of bad choices along the way. I've had a substantial amount of happiness in my life by comparison, and regret only a few of the decisions I've made. But maybe part of that is lacking the courage to make those potentially bad decisions in the first place.