(no subject)

[nittercorn]

I have begged, I have pleaded, I have spilled my heart out onto the floor. I didn't think I would. To be honest, when it first happend, I was sad but I was like... "Okay, I can do this. I am better off and so he is!". Uhm. No. I was wrong. I haven't quit crying for 2 days straight, I've lost 3 pounds in those 2 days because I can't eat a thing. I tried all I could to be able to call him mine again. It looks as if I never will have that satisfaction. He doesn't want me anymore. I am alone. He broke my heart. Just like he said he never would. Just like it. I would give anything in the entire world to have him back. Oh my god, the thought of never having him drive out here again to come see me, the thought of not being able to hug or hold him, the thought of him not wanting to hold my hand, of not being able to hold his, the thought of never kissing him again...for as long as I live... it's too much. It's not right. This is so not right. I hope with all that I am, with every fiber of my being, that he realizes that he needs me like I need him, and will come back to me. I hope he does, I really do. I hope he comes back. I really, really, really, really do. I've never wanted anything more. In my life. All of our time together, the things we said, the things we did, how we said it was me and him forever. I believed him. I believed him so much. And now it's not me and him forever. It's...nothing. I have nothing. My entire world was just taken from me. Or, no, actually, my entire world just stood up and walked out. I never would have thought it would be like this. I thought I had him. I hope he calls me some time. I hope he tells me he needs me, he misses me, he loves me. Anything. He is mine. He is all mine. He told me that he was mine forever, and I am taking that from him. Damn it. HE GAVE ME HIS HEART TO KEEP AND THEN HE TOOK IT BACK. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT TO SOMEBODY.

I wish I could quit crying, I just want to go back in time and fix everything and...I don't know. I need him so bad.