prides a bitch
So, I ended up drinking last night. Then, I went over to sonyas house and we hung out for a bit. Dwight came back and they argued and shit. Then, I ended up getting offered sum meth. Which I did it, even though I kind of thought this is a bad idea. But, I was trashed so I did it anyway. It was the best meth I've ever had. Now I just want more. If it was that good everytime, I'd probably want to be high all the time. I had to force myself not to get more this morning. It felt like I was on the best triple stack of my life or sum. It really did feel just like I was rollin. I'm still feelin it now, can't quit clenchin my jaw, which sucks. But, deff worth it. Now I just need to keep myself away from this shit. I liked it too much, it was so clean. No shitty feeling and I wasn't like so geeked out that I freaked out or sum. My priest told me my biggest problem is that I'm too proud, he's seen it since he's known me. I was thinking abt it and I think he may be onto something. He said I put myself into impossible situations, then try to get out of them by myself and won't let anyone help me. Its true, I don't see how someone can help me more than I can help myself. But, I don't understand why I do it. I think I don't have something to really work for and push myself. So, I subconciously put myself in situations, so I have to get out of them. I need to find something positive to fill that void. Work is good for me though. I'm deff a workacholic and it fills part of that emptiness, but what do I do with the rest of my time. I can't work 24 hrs a day. Although I would if I could, I'm depressed when I'm not at work. I think that's why. But, I need to go get shit done and work on figuring out how I'm gonna quit drinkin and doin drugs. I have to, because I don't like coming down off of n e of it. But, I can't be addicted to something forever. So, I have to stop now before it gets worse. Peace, I'm out...