flyin high, soon to crash
Ugh! I'm at the most pivotal point in my life right now and I'm gonna make the wrong decision. I know moving in with a bunch of drug addicts will eventually send me right down the path I was going even faster. I got a second job recently, bc I can't afford anything except for my monthly bills. I was planning on moving out on my own. But, I can't even afford that with two full time jobs. I have a few alternatives, although I know which one I will go with. Hopefully nothing works out right, then I can just save a little money and move far away. I'm never going to change if I don't get myself out of this state and start new. I know too many of the wrong people and I can get anything I or anyone else wants. Its just too easy to fuck up. I've been smoking stupid meth and weed again. I'm also drinking more. I have to quit putting myself in these situations, I don't have time for meth. You have to crash eventually and I don't have time to crash. I was trying to level it out to where I would just smoke enough to keep me going like 20 hrs a day, sleep 4 hrs, then repeat. But, its killing me and I'm tired. Weed is just stupid, but I started using it to calm down when I get really pissed off, bc sometimes I feel like I might kill someone. But, then I smoke weed and I'm literally too high to kill someone, let alone even stay pissed. As far as the increase of alcohol consumption, well who the hell knows. I just like being drunk. I haven't done heroin or cocaine in awhile, which are like my fave drugs. I've been offered both of them a lot this week. But, I decided against it. Ugh, its fucking frustrating and drugs are retarded. I can't wait to get away.