(no subject)
A month and a half ago I didn't think I was going to be alone this holiday season. Now, as I look at the falling leaves and the gray sky I know it's going to be just like all the other holidays.
You have friends and family... you're not alone.
Yes, but it's not the same. I feel more alone when I am around them then when I am alone. At least I dont have to watch my friends who have their significant others. Them sharing laughter, a look, the holiday. I have been alone on more holiday's than I can even count. Six years worth.
So you want a lover?
No, I want a partner. A friend. Someone I can cuddle up with in the dark that is only lit up by the lights on the Christmas tree. Sharing silence, wrapped in one an others arms, and knowing that in this time of togetherness we have each other. However, it is only I that sit in front of the tree. Drinking my tea as I wish for the same thing I wish every year. To be loved, and to love in return. To have a family that is whole instead of broken.
All your kids need is you.
That's true to a point. I have to watch them wish for their father's on my holidays. Yet, when I don't have them on mine I am alone. With only myself. Wishing for my children. Wishing I didn't have to go through the holiday by myself. That on Christmas morning I don't have to wake up to an empty house, but be wrapped in comforting arms as I wish for my children to be home.
So what you are saying is that you need...
A Christmas with the man I love so I am not alone. It's not just the loneliness. It's the fact that the people that love me the most are gone, and I have no one there to tell me that they love me. I want to be loved more than anything in this world. I have the cost of those times I thought I had found it. My children are the best thing in this world, but even with them there is something missing. I am the one that wraps their presents. I am the one that puts them together. I am the one that plays Santa all the time. I am the one who does everything. I want someone I can share my life with. The hope... The dreams... The reality... The seasons... Everything.
You have friends and family... you're not alone.
Yes, but it's not the same. I feel more alone when I am around them then when I am alone. At least I dont have to watch my friends who have their significant others. Them sharing laughter, a look, the holiday. I have been alone on more holiday's than I can even count. Six years worth.
So you want a lover?
No, I want a partner. A friend. Someone I can cuddle up with in the dark that is only lit up by the lights on the Christmas tree. Sharing silence, wrapped in one an others arms, and knowing that in this time of togetherness we have each other. However, it is only I that sit in front of the tree. Drinking my tea as I wish for the same thing I wish every year. To be loved, and to love in return. To have a family that is whole instead of broken.
All your kids need is you.
That's true to a point. I have to watch them wish for their father's on my holidays. Yet, when I don't have them on mine I am alone. With only myself. Wishing for my children. Wishing I didn't have to go through the holiday by myself. That on Christmas morning I don't have to wake up to an empty house, but be wrapped in comforting arms as I wish for my children to be home.
So what you are saying is that you need...
A Christmas with the man I love so I am not alone. It's not just the loneliness. It's the fact that the people that love me the most are gone, and I have no one there to tell me that they love me. I want to be loved more than anything in this world. I have the cost of those times I thought I had found it. My children are the best thing in this world, but even with them there is something missing. I am the one that wraps their presents. I am the one that puts them together. I am the one that plays Santa all the time. I am the one who does everything. I want someone I can share my life with. The hope... The dreams... The reality... The seasons... Everything.