Here we go...
You know what guys?
I am so god damn sick of all this crap.
This is how it goes:
Friends get pissed off at me, they tell me things I really don't want to hear, that pisses me off, and then we are all pissed off at eachother.
I know I haven't been trying that hard lately, and I'm sorry. But friends don't consume 95% of my life anymore like they used to. Balancing everything out and trying to be happy isn't an option I guess.
"there are friends, and there are boyfriends" --who said boyfriends aren't your friends? I would hope that if you are in a relationship with someone they are AT LEAST your friend, if not one of your best friends.
I guess maybe I'm changing. But I won't be a coward about it and try to change back because my friends object. you can either accept the change and be my friend [because it's not a HUGE one, it can be worked around] or you can just give up. That isn't what I want. But I'm not going to change myself for people that I may not even be seeing much of or talking to in the next few years. Especially if I like who I am. I guess I've come to terms with reality and realized that I'm not going to have the same friends forever like every teenager dreams will happen to them. You make friends in school, graduate, move on, and make new friends again. It's a never ending process that I'm actually looking forward to. I like meeting new people and making new friends. That is what life is about. Constant changing.
I'm sick of pleasing, so I think I will just worry about what I want first, before I worry about what others want from me. And right now I want to spend time with my friends. But I also want to spend time with Tony too. There's got to be a compromise somewhere in the middle, because I'm not about to give up the happiness from either end.
This sounds harsh, but there really is no other way of putting it. If you know me well enough, you should understand how I mean all of this, because writing down my feelings isn't something I do too well. Ok, to be honest I really suck at it. So in conclusion I will say this: Let's just all forget about this stuff, get on with our lives, and I will make a better effort at giving my friends the time spent that they actually deserve, because they are great, and everything will be la tee da again.
I'm schizo, annoyed, and tired --so bye.
Courtney
I am so god damn sick of all this crap.
This is how it goes:
Friends get pissed off at me, they tell me things I really don't want to hear, that pisses me off, and then we are all pissed off at eachother.
I know I haven't been trying that hard lately, and I'm sorry. But friends don't consume 95% of my life anymore like they used to. Balancing everything out and trying to be happy isn't an option I guess.
"there are friends, and there are boyfriends" --who said boyfriends aren't your friends? I would hope that if you are in a relationship with someone they are AT LEAST your friend, if not one of your best friends.
I guess maybe I'm changing. But I won't be a coward about it and try to change back because my friends object. you can either accept the change and be my friend [because it's not a HUGE one, it can be worked around] or you can just give up. That isn't what I want. But I'm not going to change myself for people that I may not even be seeing much of or talking to in the next few years. Especially if I like who I am. I guess I've come to terms with reality and realized that I'm not going to have the same friends forever like every teenager dreams will happen to them. You make friends in school, graduate, move on, and make new friends again. It's a never ending process that I'm actually looking forward to. I like meeting new people and making new friends. That is what life is about. Constant changing.
I'm sick of pleasing, so I think I will just worry about what I want first, before I worry about what others want from me. And right now I want to spend time with my friends. But I also want to spend time with Tony too. There's got to be a compromise somewhere in the middle, because I'm not about to give up the happiness from either end.
This sounds harsh, but there really is no other way of putting it. If you know me well enough, you should understand how I mean all of this, because writing down my feelings isn't something I do too well. Ok, to be honest I really suck at it. So in conclusion I will say this: Let's just all forget about this stuff, get on with our lives, and I will make a better effort at giving my friends the time spent that they actually deserve, because they are great, and everything will be la tee da again.
I'm schizo, annoyed, and tired --so bye.
Courtney