Lately
So, I've come out of the closet since last I wrote. I'm gay. GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY. And I'm fine with that. So is everyone else. *alright so my mom isn't pleased, but eh. Can't please everyone. At least she has a back up. My twin. LOL *
The thing is, this should be a great time in my life, full of possibilities and potential.
Nope.
I am too busy running around after my sister, chasing her, babysitting her, worrying about her, taking her abuse both physically and mentally. It's not fair! I know it's selfish, but I don't care! I want to live my life, not worrying about how many diet pills she's popped today, or if she wants to kill herself again. I WANT TO BE NORMAL. I want the only thing I worry about to be bills and getting a girlfriend. The latter isn't even a worry, it's more of an 'I wonder...'
I mean, seriously. I used to be a hell of a lot stronger, emotionally, that this. But it looks like the months of this has worn me down so much that I could curl up and cry at the drop of a hat. I mean, right now I'm online with someone, and I'm bawling like a baby and trying not to let them hear it. Talk about pathetic. I can't even wait until I get to bed.
You know what, I could deal with this, if I had someone to be strong for me in return. Not to say that Ian and Sara aren't doing a fine job, it's just that I need something more. Like to be held after an episode like tonight's. Crying alone gives the most empty feeling. With someone there, it just doesn't hurt so badly. In fact, it makes things much more satisfying.
I guess I'll have to face it. I'm in this thing for the long haul. And I'm in it more or less alone. No matter the support I get, it's impossible for me to stand like this without someone to support me physically. And god knows getting laid during all of this would be a god send. Even for a lowly virgin like myself.
The thing is, this should be a great time in my life, full of possibilities and potential.
Nope.
I am too busy running around after my sister, chasing her, babysitting her, worrying about her, taking her abuse both physically and mentally. It's not fair! I know it's selfish, but I don't care! I want to live my life, not worrying about how many diet pills she's popped today, or if she wants to kill herself again. I WANT TO BE NORMAL. I want the only thing I worry about to be bills and getting a girlfriend. The latter isn't even a worry, it's more of an 'I wonder...'
I mean, seriously. I used to be a hell of a lot stronger, emotionally, that this. But it looks like the months of this has worn me down so much that I could curl up and cry at the drop of a hat. I mean, right now I'm online with someone, and I'm bawling like a baby and trying not to let them hear it. Talk about pathetic. I can't even wait until I get to bed.
You know what, I could deal with this, if I had someone to be strong for me in return. Not to say that Ian and Sara aren't doing a fine job, it's just that I need something more. Like to be held after an episode like tonight's. Crying alone gives the most empty feeling. With someone there, it just doesn't hurt so badly. In fact, it makes things much more satisfying.
I guess I'll have to face it. I'm in this thing for the long haul. And I'm in it more or less alone. No matter the support I get, it's impossible for me to stand like this without someone to support me physically. And god knows getting laid during all of this would be a god send. Even for a lowly virgin like myself.