abridged
why is this so important to me? i am weird. why am i like this? why do i close my eyes every morning in the shower and imagine that the water beating down on me is blood? my blood. why do i look at the heart on my arm and desperately want to make the scar fresher, deeper, bigger? why do i go in the bathroom and imagine all the ways i could hurt myself? why do i want to do the things i know i shouldn't? who says i shouldn't do them? who knows what's best for me in every situation? i hate the words should and shouldn't. they're all opinions. stop trying to thrust your fucking opinions on me!!!! if society said it was ok, would i want to stop? what do i gain? what do i lose? why is it so forbidden? it's not fair! it's not fair to me, not fair to the people around me who care about me. people blow it way out of proportion. and it hurts. please, just hear me out before giving me those concerned know-it-all looks because YOU know what's best for me better than i do. i'm too stupid to know what hurts me. go fuck yourself you over-protective epitomy of comprimised values. it doesn't make sense to me.