(no subject)
woaw its been forever and looking at my last journal entry this one sounds like its going to be about the same thing. The same search for something more, better, worthwhile, exciting. This summer had better change so many things or I know I'll just go insane. It all started with that stupid Star Wars 3 movie, its so stupid but wheres the action like that? The true battle: simple evil against pure good, exciting, meaningful. Then of course that part in the movie where Anikan aka pre darth vador(sorry if i dont get the names right) is in his house just looking at his wife and he tells her such a simple phrase: "You look so beautiful." felt like a little piece in me just died right in the chair. To have someone be in love so deeply like that. haha I'm sad yes, but thats the truth, it got to me that there could be love like that out there in the great abyss somewhere or it could all just be some over dramatized creation of the cinema. Thats what such a romance is like but i wont believe it, not today or tomorrow most likely. I'm holding onto this one for a while. Then all of this dissatisfaction with my life and wishing it could be so action packed and meaningful, just all piled up when i got home and watched my family. I joke constantly about how dysfunctional we are but today was the cherry on top. My mother kept asking my sister questions while she was trying to tell a story and of course katie was acting like a brat towards my mother and told her to be quiet but then my mom said one more thing and my dad just turned red and yelled at her (my mother) to shut up. I have never seen my dad talk to my mother like that, it will go down in the books for sure. It was like he was talking to his kids to tell them to be quiet but it was his wife. My mom just took it.She just sat there and TOOK IT! I hated it so much i just wanted to cast off all relation to them. We couldnt get along if life depended upon it. Sure my mother was being annoying but what my dad did was uncalled for and disrespectful. I am just giving up on marriage all together if this is what i get. They say girls marry boys like their fathers, i'm screwed. I dont want to be like him or my mother at all. Who cares if i have such a nice house because of them and i get to go trinity and france this summer. I dont want to be rich, i can live without it if i end up like this. I can survive for two more years being invisible. Its what i'm good at, and i enjoy no one bothering or asking me questions at the dinner table. As little communication as possible will get me by. Life starts over at college and so will I. Lord help me find satisfaction in everything, or anything! My life is in your hands so just have at it. Tomorrows a new day. Toodle ooo