(no subject)
i am indecisive. i've known about this problem for years, but it hasn't been until more recently that i'm starting to understand the depth of it. i find myself paralyzed, at a stand still, because i don't have the slightest ability to make something out of these thoughts in my head. i argue myself to death, comparing one thing to another, only to find that they really aren't comparable at all. apple in one hand, orange in the other. is this how i plan to spend the rest of my life? in the middle and waiting for that one big thing that will push me over the edge? arguments pile up, but each time i convince myself "stay for just one more. it's not time to choose yet." is this how people grow old and unhappy like they don't even know what hit them? i am starting to feel like my life is not my own. i am starting to fear that i will look back and remember it like one of those books from childhood- where you choose either mary kicks cindy in the face and turn to page 8 or mary keeps walking and turn to page 13. wishing that i'd picked a different page. wanting to turn back and see where it would have lead.