Angel's Creed, two

[theguindo]

Chapter two, in which certain plot elements are introduced and we get to know a bit about our main characters. 10,238 words.

FEEDBACK IS AWESOME. I would like to know

Comments

[deltashade]

The big thing I noticed in this chapter is how much better an idea I got of the world just from reading. You don't dump everything all at once, but you don't leave the audience starved for details, either. The only thing that seemed out of place (initially) was Amelia's description of the trance, but then I remembered her character and realized mini-infodumps actually made perfect sense. That of course goes further than narration; from their conversation before nightfall, I got a great idea of the overall economy of the world. I have also convinced myself that the bit of scripture was anything but completely deliberate, but that may just be mad theorization

[theguindo]

It IS cheesy, haha, but the character himself is largely cheesy so it sort of fits. Let me know what you think when you can flip to the next page and see what happens. (IE right now because chapter 3 is posted.)

The scripture bit was completely deliberate but that is because I wanted to do a couple things: explain that Khim is the name of the local death deity, and explain why people turn to ash when they die. These are both things nobody in universe is going to explain because they are just natural facts of the world that everybody knows. I just used an appropriate character to do it and picked an appropriate situation for him to do it in. Is it completely obvious or jarring or anything? Do you have suggestions to fix it if it is

[deltashade]

Is it completely obvious or jarring or anything? Do you have suggestions to fix it if it is?

It actually works totally fine. I was just coming up with ridiculous theories as to why that fifth dude was turned to ash, but now that I realize it's just what happens when people die instead of some horrible kind of magic spell, all the ridiculous conspiratorial theories I was developing have gone completely out the window. Because they were based on a faulty assumption. 8D

[theguindo]

Oh! 8D So it was necessary and appropriate, then!