Angel's Creed, two
Chapter two, in which certain plot elements are introduced and we get to know a bit about our main characters. 10,238 words.
FEEDBACK IS AWESOME. I would like to know ( Read more... )
FEEDBACK IS AWESOME. I would like to know ( Read more... )
The scripture bit was completely deliberate but that is because I wanted to do a couple things: explain that Khim is the name of the local death deity, and explain why people turn to ash when they die. These are both things nobody in universe is going to explain because they are just natural facts of the world that everybody knows. I just used an appropriate character to do it and picked an appropriate situation for him to do it in. Is it completely obvious or jarring or anything? Do you have suggestions to fix it if it is?
It pleases me to know that Amelia's infodump about the trance came off as perfectly in character once you went back and thought about it =>
Man dude there are so many supplemental novels I want to write about like the history of everything. The stories of Jarovah (you may recall that Alrael is in the foothills of the Jarovah Mountains), the stories of Daruma and her Valkryies, the history of Fort Raheem...there is a lot to this world that I want to expand on eventually!
Also I am really glad that info is coming through in a way that seems natural to you. That is something I really struggled with in the original draft and the biggest thing I had to fix in the rewrite.
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It actually works totally fine. I was just coming up with ridiculous theories as to why that fifth dude was turned to ash, but now that I realize it's just what happens when people die instead of some horrible kind of magic spell, all the ridiculous conspiratorial theories I was developing have gone completely out the window. Because they were based on a faulty assumption. 8D
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you'll release the dogs
or the bees
or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you
well, I say do your worst
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