Walking the Line
“Does it ever bother you?”
I raised a painted brow at my young, male companion as I waited for him to clarify. After a few silent moments, I titled my head to the side before speaking softly in a tittering voice. “Does what ever bother me?”
He became flustered for a moment, a bright flush covering his cheeks as he waved his hand towards me and yet not. We were trying to be discrete after all. “You know. Acting like this!”
I paused for a moment from looking over my teacup at our prey’s table and gave Tetsu another curious look before taking a sip of the warm liquid. What in the world was he babbling about again? Acting like what? A woman? I was merely doing the job asked of me!
Nevertheless, I suppose he would not understand the way my mind could wrap around the female psyche when dressed in a kimono. How I would become locked in that mindset, thinking and feeling like a woman. Sometimes I often felt as if I might go insane as I sauntered across the thin line that separated my male instincts with the female ones I had acquired.
But was that odd?
In a way, it probably was odd and peculiar that a man would gain another persona. Yet, it was not a mask I randomly picked up in order to do my duty. It was me, a part of me that reflected my sister and the life that she would never live. Whenever I donned a kimono and placed makeup on my face, it was as if I was trying to live the life my sister could not.
However, he would not understand. It was far too complicated and drugged up too many bad memories that I wanted to lock away.
“… No.” I said softly, smiling a bright smile as I fluttered my naturally long lashes. Nature had been cruel to me and fate worse.
“Why not?” He asked softer, curiosity lacing his words allowing my flirtatious actions to be ignored completely. I pouted in annoyance but considered how to answer his question. What was I to tell him? If I said that it was a part of my own thinking, he would think I was weird. Yet, it was and I could not deny it. Still… he would not understand.
“Because I am my sister now.” I explained to him with a sad smile. I shifted slightly my small hands moving to fill his empty cup as our prey moved into a heated discussion. It was the last time he ever asked me and sometimes I wish he would have inquired further. Maybe I would have been able to explain to him, yet I knew the reason why I did not wish to pry into that answer.
I had been raised to take the place of my sister…
…because Susumu did not matter.
I raised a painted brow at my young, male companion as I waited for him to clarify. After a few silent moments, I titled my head to the side before speaking softly in a tittering voice. “Does what ever bother me?”
He became flustered for a moment, a bright flush covering his cheeks as he waved his hand towards me and yet not. We were trying to be discrete after all. “You know. Acting like this!”
I paused for a moment from looking over my teacup at our prey’s table and gave Tetsu another curious look before taking a sip of the warm liquid. What in the world was he babbling about again? Acting like what? A woman? I was merely doing the job asked of me!
Nevertheless, I suppose he would not understand the way my mind could wrap around the female psyche when dressed in a kimono. How I would become locked in that mindset, thinking and feeling like a woman. Sometimes I often felt as if I might go insane as I sauntered across the thin line that separated my male instincts with the female ones I had acquired.
But was that odd?
In a way, it probably was odd and peculiar that a man would gain another persona. Yet, it was not a mask I randomly picked up in order to do my duty. It was me, a part of me that reflected my sister and the life that she would never live. Whenever I donned a kimono and placed makeup on my face, it was as if I was trying to live the life my sister could not.
However, he would not understand. It was far too complicated and drugged up too many bad memories that I wanted to lock away.
“… No.” I said softly, smiling a bright smile as I fluttered my naturally long lashes. Nature had been cruel to me and fate worse.
“Why not?” He asked softer, curiosity lacing his words allowing my flirtatious actions to be ignored completely. I pouted in annoyance but considered how to answer his question. What was I to tell him? If I said that it was a part of my own thinking, he would think I was weird. Yet, it was and I could not deny it. Still… he would not understand.
“Because I am my sister now.” I explained to him with a sad smile. I shifted slightly my small hands moving to fill his empty cup as our prey moved into a heated discussion. It was the last time he ever asked me and sometimes I wish he would have inquired further. Maybe I would have been able to explain to him, yet I knew the reason why I did not wish to pry into that answer.
I had been raised to take the place of my sister…
…because Susumu did not matter.