"But today, I'm wasting away. For today is on my mind." -The Used
So, I guess this is it...?
I just get that whole.... Feeling of abandonedment and I feel invisible to my parents.
All I get is "I don't want to hear it" or "I'm trying." or, my favorite, "What more do you want me to do?!"
I want you to LISTEN to me!!! I don't need a theropist, I need my MOM or my DAD! I don't WANT to move...I NEEED to move... I don't think my mother understands that. It's not healthy. I'm not healthy.
I am so sick of that feeling in my throat, that feeling like I need to scream. And I'm so sick of feeling selfish! I'm not being selfish! From what I'm told, I am one of the most selfless people ever... So why is it so bad that, for once, I'm worried about MY mental health? MY happiness?!
God forbid!
So, I'm sorry for once that I'm actually SCARED of the thoughts I'm having!
"You're so disgusting!"
"Grow up!"
"You'll probably start HURTING youself again, you dumbass!"
Those kind of thoughts... The thoughts that tell you "just end your life... THEN they'll call you selfish for sure..."
No... I wont ACTUALLY end my life.
I at least know I have too much going for me to die.
I don't even know why I'm bothering... It's not like anyone can help me... Do you want to help me? Buy that house... THAT'S how you can help me...
I want my friends down here... I need my friends down here. I need my oportunities to actually DO something with my life... I need my family down here... I need to be closer to my dad...
...I don't WANT....
...I NEED.....
need.
N.
E.
E.
D.
Need.
But, again... I don't know why I bother...
It's all just a "cop-out" any way.
Why should my mother worry weather or not IM happy? That's just crazy.
I just get that whole.... Feeling of abandonedment and I feel invisible to my parents.
All I get is "I don't want to hear it" or "I'm trying." or, my favorite, "What more do you want me to do?!"
I want you to LISTEN to me!!! I don't need a theropist, I need my MOM or my DAD! I don't WANT to move...I NEEED to move... I don't think my mother understands that. It's not healthy. I'm not healthy.
I am so sick of that feeling in my throat, that feeling like I need to scream. And I'm so sick of feeling selfish! I'm not being selfish! From what I'm told, I am one of the most selfless people ever... So why is it so bad that, for once, I'm worried about MY mental health? MY happiness?!
God forbid!
So, I'm sorry for once that I'm actually SCARED of the thoughts I'm having!
"You're so disgusting!"
"Grow up!"
"You'll probably start HURTING youself again, you dumbass!"
Those kind of thoughts... The thoughts that tell you "just end your life... THEN they'll call you selfish for sure..."
No... I wont ACTUALLY end my life.
I at least know I have too much going for me to die.
I don't even know why I'm bothering... It's not like anyone can help me... Do you want to help me? Buy that house... THAT'S how you can help me...
I want my friends down here... I need my friends down here. I need my oportunities to actually DO something with my life... I need my family down here... I need to be closer to my dad...
...I don't WANT....
...I NEED.....
need.
N.
E.
E.
D.
Need.
But, again... I don't know why I bother...
It's all just a "cop-out" any way.
Why should my mother worry weather or not IM happy? That's just crazy.