Time
(It's been a while since I typed things here.)
There is no time. There is never any time.
Friends are all busy with the end of the semester. Brother is busy having a life. Mom is busy with brother having a life and doesn't have time for me (except maybe to tell me she thinks she messed up raising me, but lets not get into that).
I should be busy. I have the rest of a paper and a take-home essay exam to do, still, before my semester is over, and after that I need to try and settle something for my summer-- in other words, I need a job. or volunteering. Something. Whatever I can get.
There's also no money. There are a lot of things, all of a sudden, that require money. College is going to take more than 4 years-- that means I have to save up money to afford the last year (or more) of classes. Not to mention moving out after I finish. I'm on my own, there. And then there's this looming prospect of some kind of transitioning. That remains to be sorted out.
In the short-term: Tree-Frog birthday(s) is Wednesday-- I still don't know what either of them wants, nor do I have time. Nor do I have money. But I will find some way to spoil them, because they are my absolute two favorite people in the universe. (I mean that wholeheartedly.)
Despite all this, I wouldn't say I'm in a bad space right now. Not exactly.
A little lonely and a lot stir-crazy, mostly. I want to make art. I want to go outside and do things. I want to talk. Also, I need a haircut.
I'm filling empty spaces by trying to host summer art things. How's that for a coping technique?
By the time I finish typing this, Grandpa and Lee should be back from church. I think maybe, now that my semester is almost over, I'll call them up and ask if they want to have lunch with me sometime this week. I would like that.
There is no time. There is never any time.
Friends are all busy with the end of the semester. Brother is busy having a life. Mom is busy with brother having a life and doesn't have time for me (except maybe to tell me she thinks she messed up raising me, but lets not get into that).
I should be busy. I have the rest of a paper and a take-home essay exam to do, still, before my semester is over, and after that I need to try and settle something for my summer-- in other words, I need a job. or volunteering. Something. Whatever I can get.
There's also no money. There are a lot of things, all of a sudden, that require money. College is going to take more than 4 years-- that means I have to save up money to afford the last year (or more) of classes. Not to mention moving out after I finish. I'm on my own, there. And then there's this looming prospect of some kind of transitioning. That remains to be sorted out.
In the short-term: Tree-Frog birthday(s) is Wednesday-- I still don't know what either of them wants, nor do I have time. Nor do I have money. But I will find some way to spoil them, because they are my absolute two favorite people in the universe. (I mean that wholeheartedly.)
Despite all this, I wouldn't say I'm in a bad space right now. Not exactly.
A little lonely and a lot stir-crazy, mostly. I want to make art. I want to go outside and do things. I want to talk. Also, I need a haircut.
I'm filling empty spaces by trying to host summer art things. How's that for a coping technique?
By the time I finish typing this, Grandpa and Lee should be back from church. I think maybe, now that my semester is almost over, I'll call them up and ask if they want to have lunch with me sometime this week. I would like that.