Thinking Thoughts Things
Good GRAVY I haven't updated here in an eternity, I've been so busy with school! But I have a millionb-billion things running through my head right now, and I don't want to bother everyone who watches me on DA with all these miniscule little details and ponderings and things.
Names and genders. What a thing. Names are nothing new-- but somehow they come into play, again, because they factor into a lot of the issues that come up when it comes to gender. or lack thereof.
Next semester, I'm taking my introductory education courses. That means feild experience. That means the clothes thing and the name thing are going to come up, again. Those are not new issues, neither of them is. But now gender is going to factor in.
I want to teach. More than anything, I want to teach. But this just keeps getting more complicated by the year. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this. All I know is that I need to. I absolutely need to. But I don't know how.
I don't want to be Miss [last-name]. That's not my name. That's not my title. That's not ME. but how do I give myself the kind of authority I need, especially considering how tiny and meek I am, as just Diane? Some teachers can get away with that, but can I? I don't honestly know. And if I try it and it doesn't work? Then what do I do? What can I use, instead? I'm not Miss.
People don't understand why I talk about all of these things so much. I don't, either, sometimes-- I just obsess, I guess. That's all. I obsess over a lot of things. This is the thing right now. But people are getting sick of me, maybe? People don't want to hear about it. That's understandable. But it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Who else is going to bring it up? How else am I going to figure it out, myself?
...I talked to Linda, today. She said maybe I should consider actuall going ahead and legally changing my name. I'm starting to think maybe I'd like that. Maybe then, at least, the name thing would be put to rest, because all my documents would list me as Diane. My dad would throw a tantrum, but... he throws plenty of those already. Maybe... maybe?
But that still leaves the gender thing. What kind of mess have I gotten myself into?
This is incoherent, but I'm tired of typing.
Names and genders. What a thing. Names are nothing new-- but somehow they come into play, again, because they factor into a lot of the issues that come up when it comes to gender. or lack thereof.
Next semester, I'm taking my introductory education courses. That means feild experience. That means the clothes thing and the name thing are going to come up, again. Those are not new issues, neither of them is. But now gender is going to factor in.
I want to teach. More than anything, I want to teach. But this just keeps getting more complicated by the year. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this. All I know is that I need to. I absolutely need to. But I don't know how.
I don't want to be Miss [last-name]. That's not my name. That's not my title. That's not ME. but how do I give myself the kind of authority I need, especially considering how tiny and meek I am, as just Diane? Some teachers can get away with that, but can I? I don't honestly know. And if I try it and it doesn't work? Then what do I do? What can I use, instead? I'm not Miss.
People don't understand why I talk about all of these things so much. I don't, either, sometimes-- I just obsess, I guess. That's all. I obsess over a lot of things. This is the thing right now. But people are getting sick of me, maybe? People don't want to hear about it. That's understandable. But it's hard for me to keep my mouth shut. Who else is going to bring it up? How else am I going to figure it out, myself?
...I talked to Linda, today. She said maybe I should consider actuall going ahead and legally changing my name. I'm starting to think maybe I'd like that. Maybe then, at least, the name thing would be put to rest, because all my documents would list me as Diane. My dad would throw a tantrum, but... he throws plenty of those already. Maybe... maybe?
But that still leaves the gender thing. What kind of mess have I gotten myself into?
This is incoherent, but I'm tired of typing.