shadow of the hand

[ninefingeredboy]

i wish i could take back every cruel word i've ever uttered
i would give up every memory of a hurt expression or a smile that withered into pain
a stunned face as i let go of the trigger again
i wish i could take back every thrill of dark joy that bloomed in my black heart
when i saw that my arrow had found it's mark
when i knew i had stabbed someone to the quick
when i proved once more i could show them the tip
i wish i could take back every mean gesture
every selfish deed
every thoughtless word
every cold and calculated theft
every tiny murder of a brilliant light
within myself