Remembrance
Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It's meaning is to remember all the little ones that have been lost too early and to spread awareness of the support needed with these types of losses. I never even knew it existed until September. In memory of the babies and in support of the families, candles are being lit from 7:00 to 8:00.
I think the main purpose of this day is to get people talking about something that is seldom talked about. I feel like I've been pretty fortunate here because most people near and dear to me check on me often and don't feel uncomfortable talking about it. Very few people act like it didn't happen. Unfortunately, for other people going through what I'm going through, they don't have as much support.
I'm good. Instead of having good days and bad days, I mostly have good days with bad moments. I've gone from having minutes pass by before I think about it, to having hours pass by. A whole weekend of babies and baby showers and I only cried once. I know this is still hard to understand for some. I wish I was better at explaining it. I guess when it comes down to it, I've spent most of my existence dreaming of being a mother. It's so hard letting that go, though I know it's just temporary.
To be completely honest, I cry sometimes for the what ifs. Like "What if this happens again?" and "What if it happens again after that?". The fact that it's completely out of my control causes me anxiety. Craig would say to stop worrying, we aren't even there yet, why worry about something that you can't control. But I do, I worry about it all the time.
This was posted for Remembrance Day, so I wanted to post it and share it here:
I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today,
I asked "What makes a Mother?" and I know I heard Him say,
A Mother has a baby, this we know is true,
But God, Can you be a Mother when your baby's not with you?
Yes you can, He replied, with confidence in His voice,
I give many women babies, when they leave its not their choice,
Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day,
And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this Lord, I want my baby here!
He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw the tear,
I wish that I could show you what your child is doing today,
If you could see your child smile with other children and say,
'We go to Earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,
My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.
I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me,
I learned my lessons very quickly, my Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much, but I visit her each day,
When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay,
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,
Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here'.
So you see, my dear sweet one, your children are ok,
Your babies are here in my home, and this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me, until your lessons through,
And on the day I call you home they'll be at the gates for you.
So now you know what makes a Mother,
It's the feeling in your heart,
It's the love you had so much of, right from the very start.
Though some on Earth may not realize until their time is done,
Remember all the love you have,
And you ARE a special mom!!