Don't say I'm out of touch with this rampant chaos, your reality:
i'm really irritated and really ecstatic all at the same time, it's weird.
i'm irritated because...among many other things, Kenny's getting a tad on my nerves. it's nothing big. just the fact that pretty much every time he's told me that he'd call me in the past 2 weeks, he's forgotten to. and in order to try and make up for it, he sends me text messages at 1 in the morning (probably when he finally realizes that he forgot again), saying "Good night." now, things have been a bit off for him lately, so i let it go the first couple of times. but yesterday. i called him when i was with Erica, and i guess he was with a friend of his. we talked for like 10 minutes, all good like usual...and he says he'll call me after 7. okay, that's cool, right? yea, never heard from him. then i woke up at 7:30 this morning, look at my cell phone...a text message from Kenny, saying..."I'm wicked sorry that I forgot to call you, good night." i think i would have been less annoyed if he hadn't done that, 'cause he just seems to think it makes up for everything. yea. sorry, i'd rather hear your voice for a few minutes than read something that took you about 10 seconds to write, and much less time for me to read. not to mention last night was Monday. which is usually our night, but for the past couple of weeks, he's forgotten that too.
it's kinda like he comes with fine print, which would read: unless i find something better to do. it's like.."Yea hun, Monday nights are gonna be our nights to chill, okay?...unless i find something better to do..." or "Yea hun, I'll give you a call later tonight...unless i find something better to do..." GAH!
on the other hand though, i'm ecstatic about the Incubus concert (on my birthday, i just found out, by the way) that i mentioned a few days back. Katey called me today to let me know that she bought tickets to it...
FLOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRR SEATS BABY!!
oh my god. i'm so excited it's crazy. when i officially turn 19, i'm gonna be like...hopefully 30 feet away from the people who have been my fucking idols for the past 3+ years. Kenny just told me to bring brass knuckles, heh.
yes, he is indeed still alive..just got off the phone with him. he's in the middle of working for his dad so he'll call me when he gets home...HAH, let's see if it actually happens this time. it probably will, considering that i almost handed his ass to him just a second ago. and i will go through with that if i have to have the same conversation again. blaaahhhhhrrrrrg. anyways. we definitely talked long enough for him to tell me that his dad wants him to go to Johnson and Wales College, or something like that. it's in Providence, RI. which isn't that bad, but still. i'm not really sure what i think of it yet, but i know i'm not gonna freak out about it like he did last year (meaning he, um, broke up with me) when i was planning to go to school, um...45 minutes away. maybe even less than that. but i'm not sure what to tell him. i did say that, like i said, i won't freak out...and that if it's good for him then he should go. the question is, will he still want to be with me if and when he does go? or will he remember how he told me a long time ago that we learned from our situation last year, and try to stick it out for a little bit? it's weird. now that i'm in the position that he was in last time, i kind of know how he felt. not knowing whether it's best to try or not, and if it's better to let him have the experience on his own. it's weird, the same fucking thing keeps happening. first, it was him going into the Air Force in 2002...and we broke up. then i almost went to college near Boston last year...and we broke up. now this...sensing a pattern here. hopefully we did learn from everything and something different will come out of it. i love him, i don't want to do the whole breakup thing a third time..cuz if we do, then i'm not doing it again. i can't. but i don't know, i guess i'll be talking to him later tonight and tomorrow, hopefully we'll be able to figure something out...=/