(no subject)
So I'm five days away from leaving New Jersey and moving to Boston to start as a freshman at Emerson College.
Words can't express how excited and anxious I am.
A lot of things have happened lately. A lot that make me incredibly eager to leave. My mom hasn't spoken to me in approximately three weeks. I'm really appalled by it, especialyl because on Friday I tried to smooth things over and patch our relationship up and she just ripped me wide open. She told me I don't care about anyone but myself and my friends and that I have no relationship with anyone in the family; I'm a lazy bitch and a failure; I didn't try hard enough to get another job this summer; etc etc so on and so forth. It stung a lot, especially since I was trying to make things better. I give up there. She's not speaking to my father either so I think we're taking the trip up alone on Saturday. He's really mad that she would do this to me right before I leave. Whatever.
Though he's no better; he just screamed at me and made me cry over a really stupid accident. I don't understand why there is so much rage and anger in this family, and why everyone has such a nasty temper. It makes me feel like shit.
Another thing that happened; someone who I thought was one of my best friends basically told me she no longer wants to be my friend and that I'm an asshole. I wasn't expecting it at all but I'm not surprised after all because this happens constantly. I don't know wtf is wrong with me that I can't keep a fucking friend but I'm sad to say I'm getting used to losing them. Eventually I'll figure out what's perpetually wrong with me and I'll adjust it and be normal but until then, fuck. This hurt pretty badly, this person promised me they'd always be there for me but once again, I was proved wrong. Fuck trusting people, it's really not worth it.
The song "Boston" by Augustana is what has been getting me through the past few days. The whole song is about a girl who moves to Boston and starts over, hence the lyrics:
She said "I think I'll go to Boston,.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start over,
Where no one knows my name."
It just makes me grateful that I do get a chance to start over and make a name for myself. To make a large group of new friends who don't have any preconceived notions about me. To live the way I want, to be able to express myself, to be able to study what I'm really interested in. To be surrounded by people who don't give two shits about who I love or who I fuck. I can leave all the bullshit of this summer behind and really concentrate on making myself happy. I have a lot of growing up and growing as a person to do, and I can't wait to do it. I'm so excited about all the opportunities that lie ahead. And most of all, I'm happy that I get a chance to turn over a new leaf. Plus I think the scenery change and the lifting of problems will definitely make me a more enjoyable person. And hopefully it strengthens my relationship with Celia. The other night I realized how much that girl cares about me and how she is always there for me to help me out and to dry my tears. I love her more than anything, friend and more than, and I really, really hope we can start over and be even better this time around.
Here's to a bright, shiny, reckless future.
Words can't express how excited and anxious I am.
A lot of things have happened lately. A lot that make me incredibly eager to leave. My mom hasn't spoken to me in approximately three weeks. I'm really appalled by it, especialyl because on Friday I tried to smooth things over and patch our relationship up and she just ripped me wide open. She told me I don't care about anyone but myself and my friends and that I have no relationship with anyone in the family; I'm a lazy bitch and a failure; I didn't try hard enough to get another job this summer; etc etc so on and so forth. It stung a lot, especially since I was trying to make things better. I give up there. She's not speaking to my father either so I think we're taking the trip up alone on Saturday. He's really mad that she would do this to me right before I leave. Whatever.
Though he's no better; he just screamed at me and made me cry over a really stupid accident. I don't understand why there is so much rage and anger in this family, and why everyone has such a nasty temper. It makes me feel like shit.
Another thing that happened; someone who I thought was one of my best friends basically told me she no longer wants to be my friend and that I'm an asshole. I wasn't expecting it at all but I'm not surprised after all because this happens constantly. I don't know wtf is wrong with me that I can't keep a fucking friend but I'm sad to say I'm getting used to losing them. Eventually I'll figure out what's perpetually wrong with me and I'll adjust it and be normal but until then, fuck. This hurt pretty badly, this person promised me they'd always be there for me but once again, I was proved wrong. Fuck trusting people, it's really not worth it.
The song "Boston" by Augustana is what has been getting me through the past few days. The whole song is about a girl who moves to Boston and starts over, hence the lyrics:
She said "I think I'll go to Boston,.
I think I'll start a new life.
I think I'll start over,
Where no one knows my name."
It just makes me grateful that I do get a chance to start over and make a name for myself. To make a large group of new friends who don't have any preconceived notions about me. To live the way I want, to be able to express myself, to be able to study what I'm really interested in. To be surrounded by people who don't give two shits about who I love or who I fuck. I can leave all the bullshit of this summer behind and really concentrate on making myself happy. I have a lot of growing up and growing as a person to do, and I can't wait to do it. I'm so excited about all the opportunities that lie ahead. And most of all, I'm happy that I get a chance to turn over a new leaf. Plus I think the scenery change and the lifting of problems will definitely make me a more enjoyable person. And hopefully it strengthens my relationship with Celia. The other night I realized how much that girl cares about me and how she is always there for me to help me out and to dry my tears. I love her more than anything, friend and more than, and I really, really hope we can start over and be even better this time around.
Here's to a bright, shiny, reckless future.