Two walks down memory lane (part two)
Title: Two walks down memory lane
Author: nikki_b1
Beta: xrai_namere (with many thanks!)
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood or any of the characters.
Rating: NC 17
Warnings: Explicit M/M sex
Pairing: Jack/Minge (my own OC).
Spoiler: Post CoE
Summary: After Ianto´s funeral, Jack and Gwen have a long awaited talk. Her questions trigger Jack´s memories.
Two walks down memory lane
“So what was your first time like then?” asked Gwen. Jack sat silent for a while before he started to tell.
“It was back at Boeshane. We were on the run. Maybe fifty of us. Men, women and children. I knew most of them but not all. We had put up tents. Made a sort of makeshift refugee camp. At night we had a big campfire where we would gather around to eat and talk. Sometimes some of the elders told stories and other times some of the women sang.” Jack paused and seemed to loose himself in the memories.
“How old were you when this happened?”
“Well we didn’t measure age the same way it’s done these days but similar to fifteen I’d say. It was after I had lost Gray and my dad died. My mum was grief-stricken. She told me she didn’t blame me but I could see it in her eyes that she really did. It made me feel just horrible. I missed Gray and dad like crazy, I hated myself for letting go of Grey’s hand and I didn’t blame my mum for resenting me for it. Not that she would ever admit to doing that. She was a good woman. But deep down I know she must have.”
“Surely not. It sounds like a classic case of projecting to me. You blamed yourself so bad you couldn’t imagine her not doing so also.”
“Maybe you’re right, I don’t know…it doesn’t matter now anyway…”
Jack poured himself another glass of wine and took a sip.
“Anyway, to answer your question about my first, that’s were we met. His name was Minge. He was a little bit older than me. I’d seen him around for a while before we actually spoke. I thought he was very handsome and I had dreams of being with him. But I was feeling so bad about myself I couldn’t imagine someone like him ever noticing me. But he did. One night he sat down next to me. I usually sat a bit away from the others so he must have really sought me out. We started talking. I was being very awkward at first but then he drew the whole horrible story out of me. He listened, I mean really listened. Like nobody had listened to me before. It made me cry. I hadn’t cried for Gray and he sort of blew the lid of all my bottled up sorrow. He put his arms around me and rocked me for a long while and just let me be there, feel safe and cared for.”
As Jack closed his eyes and he could still see him clearly. His sparkling blue eyes and long wavy dark hair. His broad shoulders that seemed to be made to lean on. His soft low voice and those gorgeously kissable lips, so soft and sweet.
“It took a while, some week’s maybe. We got closer and closer. Finally I couldn’t hide my attraction for him any longer. It felt deceitful, like I was hiding a part of me and it didn’t fit in with the way we were with each other. We had both opened up so much and we’d been so honest. So one day I simply asked him if I could kiss him. And to my surprise he didn’t turn me down.”
Jack put his hand against his heart and could feel how it began to beat faster just thinking of Minge.
“God I was so young then…” he smiled at the memories that came flooding over him.
Minge had his own tent. That was convenient. They had been for a walk in the woods near the camp when they had sat down for a bit. That’s when Jack had asked. He remembered how nervous he’d been. Palms sweaty and heart beating like a drum, but it had to be put out there.
“Minge” he had said, desperately trying to make his voice steady “I’ve never met anyone like you and never felt this way before. When I’m not with you I can’t stop thinking of you. I want to be with you all the time. I want to kiss you. Would you let me?” He had rehearsed it in his head over and over and now he just blurted the whole thing out. Minge had dropped his jaw but only for a second. Then he had smiled and taken Jack’s hand and nodded silently.
“I’d like that very much.” And then they had just done it. It had been a bit awkward at first, noses bumping together before deciding which one of them would go which way. But when their lips met it had immediately sent a warm and tingling shiver throughout Jack’s whole body. Minge’s lips had felt so much better than he had ever imagined. So soft and warm. And then, when he gently pushed his tongue in between Jack’s lips it had felt like an electric shot going straight down to his cock. He had to break free from the kiss to catch his breath.
“Are you alright?” asked Minge.
“Oh yes! Never better. I want you so much. I want to be naked with you.” For some reason they had both burst out laughing but then Minge had stood up and taken his hand.
“Let’s go to my tent then.”
That night they had just kissed and laid naked close together and hugged. Well, they had hugged hard enough for the both of them to come but then they had just lied next to each other, face to face. But a few nights later Minge had given Jack his very first real fuck.
He had been very slow and methodical about it, making sure he wouldn’t be hurt. Starting off by blowing him so that the tension would ease a bit for the main event. Then he had turned Jack onto his stomach and began to give him a massage over the neck, shoulders, back and finally the arse. He had used some oil to make things smooth and Jack would never forget the sensation of Minge pressing that very first finger into his hole. It was so much better than he had fantasised it would be. He felt aroused on so many levels. The fact that Minge was older and more experienced was one, the fact that they were in a tent where only a thin canvas was hiding them from the others, was another. He felt wicked and naughty in a wonderful way. He also felt grown up. This wasn’t anything for kids. Taking the step to leave childhood completely behind him once and for all, it excited him and made him even more eager. Then Minge had pushed a second finger in and started to spread them to stretch his entrance. Jack had to bite his lip hard not to groan loudly with pleasure.
“Are you okay? I’m not hurting you am I?” Minge whispered.
“It’s great.” Jack managed to blurt out between his deep breaths. “Will you fuck me now?”
“Are you sure you want me to?”
“Oh yeah! Please! Do it, Minge.”
“Alright, I think you’re ready but remember, if it hurts or feels unpleasant just say stop and I will stop. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“Lift your hips a little and spread your legs then.” Jack did as he was told and soon he could feel the tip of Minge’s cock pressing into him. A little bit at a time he pushed himself in, giving Jack the chance to adjust to the feeling a little bit at a time. It had hurt a little, but in a strange and wonderful way. And when Minge was all the way in Jack could feel his thighs against the back of his own and it felt warm. Minge leaned over his back, wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his neck softly and then he let his hands slide down to grab hold of Jacks hips and started to slowly retract, only to push in again, just as slowly.
“How does that feel?” he asked but Jack hadn’t been coherent enough to for words so he just nodded and moaned.
Minge began to increase the rhythm and Jack couldn’t believe this was really happening. Minge had told him before about the prostate but he hadn’t been able to do the sensation justice. Every time he hit that spot Jack felt like his heart was about to turn to liquid. His head felt like it was filled with cotton and his breathing was getting so heavy it made him dizzy. Minge started to go faster and faster and then every thing just exploded. When he came it was as if a firework went off in his veins. Jack felt Minge’s hand gently covering his mouth. He hadn’t been aware of it but apparently he had almost howled out his pleasure. Afterwards they had lain panting close together. Minge had held his arms around Jacks waist and they had fallen asleep like that.
“So what happened?” asked Gwen, yanking Jack back to the here an now.
“What happened? Yeah, well…we had a wonderful affair. I was a virgin. He wasn’t. So he could show me ropes. That was perfect. I needed someone more experienced than me. I was all over the place, both in my mind and in my body. He guided me in the right direction. He was so good, so beautiful and so patient with me. It lasted for a few months, a few wonderful months. In fact I think if I hadn’t met him at that particular time and place, my life would have taken a very different course. He mended me. Made me happy and strong. Made me find my way back to my own true self. Gave me my confidence back.” Jack paused for a little sigh.
“But then our ways parted. He decided to join up with the resistance army and I was too young to follow him. Our last night together was the most wonderful night of my life and when he left the next morning we both knew we would never meet again. We kissed and cried a little but there was no bitterness. I just felt so grateful, blessed even, to have been given that time with him. He was such a good and beautiful person. It was just perfect. Everyone should get to have a first time like that.”
“It was good that you got to give that to Ianto.” Gwen replied.
“I tried to, Gwen, I really did.” Jack’s voice broke as he started to cry. “But I failed didn’t I? I ran away. Deserted him when he needed me the most. What kind of a person does that?” Gwen moved closer and put her arm around his waist.
“Don’t do this, Jack. Don’t beat yourself up with guilt. It won’t help and it leads nowhere.” Jack pulled up a handkerchief and blew his nose.
“And besides” Gwen added “in some strange way I think Ianto needed that too.” Jack turned his head and looked at her with doubt. “I mean, I saw how saddened he was after you’d left but somehow he pulled himself up and managed to get on with things. I think he learned something about his own inner strength at that time.” she paused “You must have noticed the difference in him when you came back.” Jack thought about it for a minute while looking back out over the sea.
“I did.”
“And he took you back didn’t he? If he could forgive you should be able to as well.”
“He was a better man than me.”
“Don’t say that Jack. Don’t think like that. You are a great man. Considering the responsibilities that have been placed on your shoulders over the years. Centuries. I’m amazed that you haven’t gone completely mad. This will take some time but it’ll pass. I promise you. Please believe me Jack.”
He took her hand and put it to his mouth and kissed it gently.
“I need to put some distance between me and this place. But I’ll come back one day. I promise you that. But I have to leave now.” They both stood up and hugged for a long while. Then Jack turned on his heel and walked away. Gwen watched him, his coat flapping in the wind, until he disappeared out of sight. She sat back down and cried for a while before packing up to return to her loving husband and warm home.
“This will take some time but it’ll pass.” she repeated silently to herself as she started walking.
The end