Theme 004- Twilight- Edward/Bella - The Holes in Me
THE HOLES IN ME
Part 2 of 3.
NEW MOON 2-Disc Fanmix, focusing on Edward and Bella's relationship.
Inside:
-Front and back cover art
-18 songs on 2 discs (Seperate POVs) +1 bonus track
-Individual files and .zip download link
bah. i hate the fanart for this mix. so plain. had to cram it in like 15 mins T_T. Oh and apologizing in advance, word screwed up the formatting of this, so paragraphs are everywhere etc. Not me.
DISC1-EDWARD POV
1)Perfect Now- Sarah Blasko
As you're sleeping silently
Perfect beauty laid before me
I feel every second is a life time long
Living underneath this guilt
I cant leave a house that I have built
Though I feel it sinking further everytime
And the weight of my mistakes
Means that everything I touch breaks
I dont want to see you as the next in line
So that's why I wont wake you where you lie
If I could now I'd freeze time
I cant find forever in your eyes
I should leave you while they're dry
"I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you-- keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you...I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again."
--pg.512
Why Edward felt he had to leave...the birthday disaster was just the trigger for all the guilt and worry he felt after Bella nearly died in Phoenix.
2) Babe I’m Gonna Leave You- Led Zepplin
I'm gonna leave you. Goin'
I'm gonna quit you baby
It was really, really good.
You made me happy every single day.
But now... I've got to go away!
"Of course, I'll always love you...in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a chance. Because I'm...tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."
--pg.70
Edward's (false) explanation of why he's leaving Bella. Didn't make it any less heartbreaking :(
3) Make this go on forever- Snow Patrol
The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything
The weight of water, the way you told me to look past everything I had ever learned
The final word in the final sentence you ever uttered to me was love
And I don't know where to look
My words just break and melt
Please just save me from this darkness
"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" I shouted, furious..."I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you--it's your already!"
He took a deep breath and stared, unseeingly, at the ground for a long moment. His mouth twisted at the tiniest bit. When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder- like the liquid gold had frozen solid.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me."
--pg.69
Edward's inner conflict as he struggles to break the news to Bella about his depature.
4) Half Life- Duncan Sheik
'cause lately something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life,
without you I am breaking down
wake me, let me see the daylight
save me from this half-life
let's you and I escape
escape from time
"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for," he said. "Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was already coming back...I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. "
--pg.514
Edward struggling to survive out in solitutude, without Bella by his side.
5)Honestly-Bethany Joy Galeotti
Please believe that I tried my best to forget you
But the memories keep flooding back like tears
I didn’t mean to fall in love
But sitting here waiting for this is torture
I'm so glad you're far away
Is that a terrible thing to say?
Well, I wonder if you're ok
"I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy."
--pg.510
While Edward is glad he is far away, believing that Bella is safer without his presence, he misses her terribly and simply can't seem to forget her, no matter how hard he tries.
6) Path Vol.1- Apocalyptica
[instrumental]
"I doubt they've ever had a situation quite like this," she muttered, disgusted. "You don't get a lot of suicidal vampires."
--pg.431
Edward, overcome by blind rage and grief after Rosalie's false alert that Bella is dead, rushes off to Italy to ask the Volturi to kill him, too.
7) Brighter than Sunshine-Aqualung
Tied up in ancient history
I didnt believe in destiny
I look up you're standing next to me
What a feeling
What a feeling in my soul
Love burns brighter than sunshine
Brighter than sunshine
Let the rain fall, i don't care
I'm yours and suddenly you're mine
Suddenly you're mine
And it's brighter than sunshine
"Amazing," he said, his exquisited voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right."
..."I didn't feel a thing-- they're very good," he mused, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips against my hair. His voice was like honey and velvet.
"Death, that hath sucked the honey out of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon they beauty," he murmured, and I recognized the line spoken by Romeo in the tomb....You smell just exactly the same as always," he went on. "So maybe this IS hell. I don't care. I'll take it."
--pg.452
Edward never believed that vampires had such things as afterlives, or 'destinies', simply damned to be 'tied up in ancient history' forever. So, when he sees Bella in the square, he thinks he is already dead and is enjoying the 'delusion' brought onto him by his 'death', he simply marvels at the sensation of being so close to Bella again, not caring about the danger of their surroundings.
8) You are My Joy-The Reindeer Section
But I will leave you out of my mind
For now
I won't be there to break your sweet heart
But not being there might break your sweet heart
You are my joy
If I could cradle you into my arms
I would cradle you tight in my arms
Always
So don't be scared of all the hurtful words
Cause in the end, they'll hurt themselves much more
His gentle hands did not release me; after he'd set me on my feet again, he wrapped his arms tightly around me, hugging me to his chest.
...I rolled my eyes. "The worst the Volturi can do is kill me. You can leave me....The Volturi, Victoria...they're nothing compared to that."
..."If there was only some way to make you see that I CAN'T leave you," he whispered.
--pg.524
Edward realizes that leaving Bella was the only thing worse than staying, despite the danger, and he vows never to make that mistake. All the 'hurtful words' he said before, to try and convince Bella to let go, are now 'hurting themselves' much more...they are simply serving as further evidence of the emotional damage Bella suffered in his absence.
9) Come What May- Nicole Kidman and Ewan Mcgregor
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night...and then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black...I coulnd't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
--pg.514
Edward always believe his life was pointless- that he was simply to live as one of the eternal damned, with no hope for an afterlife or a future. But now with Bella, his life has purpose again. Total, total B/E fluff :)
FULL ZIP FILE DOWNLOAD
DISC 2- BELLA POV
NOTE: there is a slight mistake with the cover art. It says track 7 is For You I'll Die-Marion Raven; that's a typo, the actual song file is Time Forgets... by Yiruma. I labelled my songs, and therefore the cover wrong, but can't fix it coz I saved it straight as a .png...yeah.
1) Don’t Walk Away- Bethany Joy Galeotti
I could never leave you
Even if you asked me to
I could never say goodbye
And make you cry
I could never stumble with you walking by my side
I could never love you more than
I already do
So don’t walk away~
Don’t lie and tell me you’re gonna stay
"Don't." My voice was just a whisper now; awareness was beginning to seep through me, trickling like acid through my veins. "Don't do this."...My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.
--pg.70
Bella's inner shock and grief over Edward's sudden departure, and cruel parting words.
2) My Skin-Natalie Merchant
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
O, I need this
Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?
As much as I struggled not to think of him, I did not struggle to forget. I worried...that it was all slipping away. That my mind was a sieve, and I would someday not be able to remember the precise color of his eyes, the feel of his cool skin, or the texture of his voice. I could not think of them, but I must remember them.
--pg.116
Omg such perfect lyrics. Bella missest all the precious memoirs of Edward- his delicate behaviour around her, his kisses, even his lullabies. Ahhh.
3) Dirty Little Secret- Sarah McLachlan
Cause I've relied on my illusions
To keep me warm at night
But I denied in my capacity to love
I am willing, to give up this fight
Nothing seems to help me since you went away
I'm so tired of this town
Where every tongue is wagging
When every back is turned
I waited for the numbness to return, or the pain. Because the pain must be coming....I'd heard his voice, so clearly, in my head...I felt too alert, and that frightened me.
--pg.116
I remembered the first day I'd come to Forks High school--how desperately I'd wished that I could turn gray, fade into the wet concrete of the sidewalk like an oversized chameleon. It seemed I was getting thta answer, a year late.
It was like I wasn't there. Even my teacher's eyes slid past my seat as if it were empty.
--pg.152
Emo! Bella angst. On missing Edward, and how the only things that stop her nightmares is when she hears the hallucinary voices inside her head. Also nice little bit about the isolation at school because of her reclusive behaviour.
4) #1 Crush- Garbage
I would die for you
I would die for you
I’ve been dying just to feel you by my side
To know that you’re mine
And I wasn't giving it up--I'd had the most amazing hallucination today. My velvet-voiced delusion had yelled at me for almost five minutes before I'd hit the brake too abruptly and launched myself into the tree. I'd take whatever pain that would cause me tonight without complaint.
--pg.193
Bella's slightly masochisitc (lol, spelling?) behaviour, purposely being reckless and stupid to hear Edward's hallucinary voices inside her head, for what little reminder of him she can retain in her life.
5) Bullets-Vega4
You’re beautiful it’s not your fault
And it’s causing me trouble
You lit me up and hurt me like bullets
Pieces of you are left in me
The craziest thing is that I love it
These holes in me, the holes in me
It was a crippling thing, this sensation that a huge hole had been punched through my chest, excising my most vital organs and leaving ragged, unhealed gashes around the edges that continued to throb and bleed despite the passage of time.
-pg.118
Perfect song to describe the many 'holes' Bella mentions in NM that seem to have metaphorically punctured her body, wounding her, since Edward's departure. And of course she doesn't love the pain, but she doesn't hate these 'holes' either, because they are the smallest reminders that she did have Edward, once.
6) Dancer in the Dark-The Rasmus
You've seen it all
You dont mind going blind
You've seen it all
All the wonders of Life
Run to your boy
Dont conceal your scars
Run to your boy
And let him feel your love
"But this was no dream, and unliked the nightmare, I wasn't running for MY life; I was racing to save something infinitely more precious. My own life meant little to me today."
--Preface
As soon as Bella hears about Edward's decision to visit the Volturi, she runs straight to rescue him without a second thought, regardless of the slim chances, the great danger and the shaky circumstances their relationship is in.
7) For You I'll Die- Marion Raven
But what am I supposed to do
When all hope is gone?
How am I supposed to leave you
When you're the only one?
I made a deal with Mr.hades
My soul he wants to buy
For you I'll die
So it didn't matter to me that we were surrounded by our extraordinarily dangerous enemies. As the clock began to toll out the hour...I knew I was too late-- and I was glad something bloodthirsty waited in the wings. For in failing at this, I forfeited any desire to live."
--pg.2
Bella will easily risk everything, including her life, to keep Edward safe from harm.
8) The Moth-Aimee Mann
The moth don't care when he sees the flame
he might get burned but he's in the game
and once he's in he can't go back, and
beat his wings 'til he burns them black
no the moth don't care when he sees the flame
no the moth don't care when he sees the flame
the moth don't care if the flame is real
cuz flame and moth got a sweetheart deal
and nothing fuels a good flirtation
like need and anger and desperation
no the moth don't care if the flame is real
no the moth don't care if the flame is real
I couldn't ANTICIPATE anything, either. Maybe, if I were very, very, VERY lucky, I would somehow be able to save Edward. But I wasn't so stupid as to think that saving him would mean that I could stay with him...Seeing him and losing him again...I fought back against the pain. This was the price I had to save his life. I would pay it.
--pg.432
If Bella is the moth, Edward is the flame; no matter how much pain she may suffer or how dangerous the future, she will carry on regardless, if Edward is somehow involved.
9) Who Wants To Live Forever- Breaking Benjamin
Who wants to live forever,
Who dares to love forever,
Who dare who dare,
Who wants to live forever,
When love must die
So touch my tears with your lips,
Touch my world with your fingertips,
And we can have forever,
And we can have forever,
Forever is our today
"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?" I demanded.
He'd thought about hat part, too. "I'll follow after as soon as I can."
..."Let's just back up for a minute...You do remember the Volturi, right? I cna't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm THIRTY, do you really think they'll forget?"
--pg.519
BONUS- Time Forgets...-Yiruma
[instrumental]
This one is out of place I know, it should've been near the beginning. Anyway, beautiful piano piece depicting Bella's loneliness and misery during those 4 long, unmentioned months. Bonus track coz I forgot to add it onto the original cover art -slaps head-
Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hadn aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me."
--pg.93
FULL ZIP FILE DOWNLOAD (bonus track not included)
ZOMG IT'S DONE. Comment if you took any, please.
I also have an Eclipse fanmix (not strictly Edward/Bella though) waiting in the wings, ready to be uploaded tomorrow after being finalised and er...finished. Just in time for the last day of the Twilight theme, sob!
Till then, i'm over and out :)