Gravity, Pt. 2
Title: Gravity
Rating: R
Warnings: Slashy slashy! Spark-smex! Mush!
Main Character(s): Thundercracker, Skywarp
Genre: Mush.
Summary: Wow, there is such a thing as love at first sight after all... *mushy sigh*
The first half.
I took a deep breath, gathered my courage, rose, and then slowly approached the door on legs that trembled with equal measures of fear and anticipation. With a touch of the control panel, the offending door slid aside…and there was Skywarp, in all his beautiful glory. The dim illumination of the corridor outside my quarters caught and glinted off the polished planes of his body, which only emphasized his beauty. For a long, dizzying moment, we just stared at each other, just as we had in the armory two days before, lost in each other’s gaze…and then Skywarp smiled at me and spoke.
“Well, fancy meeting you here,” he said lightly, quietly. “You going to block the door forever?”
Wordlessly - I don’t think I could have spoken if I’d wanted to - I stepped aside and Skywarp breezed past me, into my quarters…and I shivered at the rush of air that followed in his wake and washed over me. He, meanwhile, was looking around my quarters, an odd amusement in his expression.
“I’d forgotten,” Skywarp was saying lightly, “how small newbie quarters are…” When I didn’t answer - because I was simply too busy studying every elegant line of his body - he looked over at me. “You got rid of your roommate, I assume?” he asked.
I nodded slowly, silently at him. I was slack-jawed, my gaze never wandering from him, my eyes still hungrily tracing the sleek lines of his body. My roommate had been none too happy about his unceremonious temporary eviction, but I’d…convinced him that he needed to stay with someone else for a few days. Skywarp, meanwhile, was grinning at me, basking, I think, in my stare, in my unwavering focus solely on him.
“Not very talkative tonight, are you?” he teased.
“You didn’t come here just to talk, did you?” I answered seriously after a moment, my voice low with...desire, I suppose. Desire mixed with apprehension and a whole raft of other emotions, that is, but mostly desire, I realized. A demanding desire, it was, too, now that we were finally alone together, now that he was all mine…
Skywarp gave me a surprised - but delightedly amused - look and shook his head slowly at me. And then his face lit up with a smile that was knowing, lecherous, as he returned my gaze. That smile…I would never tire of it, I knew…
“Nope,” Skywarp said decisively, shaking his head slowly from side to side. “Maybe later we’ll talk, but right now…? Come here, Thundercracker.”
I obeyed his command, could do nothing but obey his command. It was as if there was some irresistible, almost gravitational force between us that dragged me inexorably to him, and now… Now, I wasn’t going to fight it, no. There was, after all, no reason to fight it, not anymore. I approached Skywarp…but stopped half an arm’s length from him, suddenly uncertain. He smiled at me encouragingly but didn’t insist that I come closer. He was, I sensed, letting me take things at a pace that was comfortable for me…and I found that I appreciated that more than I could say. Somehow, he must have sensed my uncertainty, because he reached out to me and, as he had done two days before, ran the fingertips of one hand slowly, lightly down my cheek.
“It’s all right,” he assured me softly as he did so. “Take your time, Thundercracker. We’ve got plenty of it.”
I nodded slowly at that, relishing the feel of his fingers against my face…down my throat…across my shoulder…to my wing. Emotions that I couldn’t identify because they rushed by so quickly flooded into my mind. Desire…a lustful, heedless desire…headed the pack, but along with it, there was uncertainty, confusion, and a damnable hesitation. Don’t do this! a voice protested suddenly in my head. Think, Thundercracker! Think! But the hand that was teasing me, running slowly along the front side of my wing was…distracting. And it was soothing away the dissenting voices until they were only a faint murmur in the back of my mind… But Skywarp’s touch couldn’t completely caress away my unfortunate need to think, to rationalize, to understand… Understanding was always the stumbling block, it seemed…
“I still don’t understand this at all, Skywarp…” I croaked weakly…and then gasped in delight as Skywarp’s tickling fingers happened upon an exquisitely sensitive spot on the trailing edge of my left wing, one that I hadn’t even known that I had. “I don’t even know you…but…but yet, I know you…”
“I know,” Skywarp whispered soothingly back to me as he ran a trembling hand further along the edge of my wing, his touch gossamer-light. Seeing his trembling hand, though, it occurred to me that he was as nervous as I was. He concealed it far more competently than I did, but I knew that he was nervous, too. Somehow, that made it easier for me to deal with my own uncertainty…
“Is it…Is it supposed to be like this?” I stammered after a moment, half-rhetorically, my voice wavering with a steadily growing, though still very confused, passion for Skywarp. Without thinking about it, I reached out to him then and tentatively, shyly ran the fingertips of one hand lightly down his side. A shudder immediately ran through his entire body in response to my touch. I was utterly amazed that I could affect him that easily…and I might have imagined it, but I could have sworn that I felt an…echo…of his shudder run through my own body, as well… “Is…Is this how it is for everyone?” I wondered, awed at the thought.
Skywarp at first only heaved a shaky sigh as an answer, which for some reason sent a wave of shivers skittering through my own body, shivers that dangerously weakened my knees, not to mention my composure. In some dim, faint part of my brain, I contemplated for a moment what it would be like- what I would be like - once Skywarp’s arms were wrapped around me, once his body was pressed against mine…once our sparks were merged. Oh, how I suddenly longed for that moment…and yet at the same time, I feared it. Those conflicting emotions briefly battled their way through my rapidly-disintegrating rational thoughts, threatening to overwhelm me…but then again, Skywarp’s light touch was slowly wiping away even that from my mind. Soon, all that would be left in there would be…him. It was a dizzying, exciting, and…well, terrifying thought.
“I don’t know…” Skywarp was saying softly now, in answer to my question, as I battled to control myself, as his shaking hand moved uncertainly away from my wing, skipping lightly across my shoulder again in order to run almost shyly down my chest. “But if it’s like this for everyone, then it has to be the best-kept secret on Cybertron.”
“Mmmmmmm…” I murmured, momentarily lost in his touch. Wherever Skywarp’s fingers traveled on my body, a mellow warmth immediately followed…and I knew that warmth would soon transmute itself into a blazing fire…which would then build into a raging, out-of-control inferno… I shuddered at the thought, dimly heard Skywarp chuckle as he watched me, as he watched the effects of what he was doing to me.
I don’t know exactly how long I stayed lost in the sensations that Skywarp was so easily wringing from my body and mind. The passage of time was impossible for me to judge. I was capable only of absorbing Skywarp’s light caresses; there simply wasn’t room left in my brain to process anything else. All I knew was that his touch was becoming surer, bolder with each passing moment…and that I was being slowly washed away on a rising tide of an all-encompassing need that was welling up from the depths of my spark, the likes of which I had never felt before. But oh, I liked the feeling…
For some reason, though, more questions were suddenly ricocheting through my brain
as well. Such is my lot in life, to ponder and to question everything. It is, indeed, my very own
personal curse.
“So…why is this so…so different, then?” I suddenly needed to know, the words burbling out of a throat constricted with longing.
“I don’t know, Thundercracker,” Skywarp answered me calmly. Nor did he seem to care, really; his attention seemed completely absorbed by tracing with teasing fingers every tiny detail of my torso. I battled back a strangled whimper that threatened to rip out of my throat in response and spoke again, if only to distract myself…
“I don’t understand this at all!” I reiterated, suddenly rather…frustrated, was maybe the word I wanted. It was a frustration born of a lack of understanding, I think. My world was a happy place when I knew the rational reason why everything in my life was happening, when I could easily answer that one ever-plaguing question: Why am I doing this? But this…this thing with Skywarp was completely irrational. I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing, couldn’t even begin to fathom it. My attraction to Skywarp, my need for him, defied all logic, all reason. And on top of that, being there with him was an instance of me acting completely upon instinct, upon emotion…and that wasn’t like me at all. But yet, at the same time, I knew on a deeper level even than logical, rational thought that it was right. Still, the conflict was eating away at me. I had to express it.
“I know it’s not like this for everyone,” I babbled before I could stop myself, as Skywarp’s hand quite distractingly began to caress the canopy in the center of my chest. “I know that this isn’t how it usually is…But then…then…Ohhhhhhh, Primus, this is so right, Skywarp…but so…weird. So fast… Too fast… It’s-”
Skywarp was chuckling at me all the while, as the confused-yet-longing words poured from depths of my being. And then he suddenly stopped what he was doing and trailed one hand lazily up my chest, his fingertips barely brushing against me. He cupped my chin in that one hand, abruptly silencing me as he stared into my eyes.
“Are you always going to talk this much, Thundercracker?” he asked of me, his tone of voice playfully exasperated.
And the look on Skywarp’s face as he spoke and as I stared into his eyes - drowning in them, suddenly lost in them - was hard to describe. There was amusement in his expression, certainly, and a playful affection. Moreover, there was a deep, awakening passion there. The planes of his face seemed somehow softer, less angular because of it. His eyes seemed to sparkle, as if a spotlight had been trained upon them, one that was angled just so, so that each of his eyes reflected a tiny, iridescent scintilla of light back at me. And his mouth - that marvelous, sensuous mouth - was curled ever so slightly into a small yet stunningly beautiful smile that was almost anticipatory, that swept me away, dizzied me. Without even thinking about it, I brought up one hand to trace the contours of his face. I couldn’t resist...
…And I knew that soon…Oh, very soon I wouldn’t be able to resist doing much, much
more to him…
He was beautiful, so beautiful as he stood there with me, only half an arm’s length from me, an expression of deep bliss playing over the planes and angles of his face as he absorbed my touch. It was an expression that only emphasized, in my mind, his magnetic beauty. There was…something about him. Something inexpressible, indefinable. His was a beauty that, to me, encompassed the physical, yes, but that also managed to transcend it, and it inexplicably jolted me to the deepest depths of my spark. I didn’t understand it at all, and I wouldn’t have been able explain why it was so even if I was offered me all the energon in the universe. My attraction to Skywarp had been instant and overwhelmingly powerful, and now it was just…there, a part of who I was, incomprehensible and awe-inspiring. I had slowly realized during the two days that we had waited between meeting and bonding that it wasn’t something to be rationalized. It was something simply to be felt.
And perhaps most surprisingly of all, Skywarp wanted me. Me, of all people. I still couldn’t quite understand it, couldn’t quite wrap my mind around the concept, no matter how hard I tried. Some part of my brain still faintly insisted that this, all of this, wasn’t possible, that someone - Skywarp himself, perhaps, for he was known for practical jokes, I had learned - was playing the cruelest of tricks on me. But the longer Skywarp stayed with me now, the further we traveled down the road we had chosen, and the closer we became to being one, the less inclined I was to listen to that part of my brain until, finally, it surrendered and was silent.
“Noooo…” I finally managed to choke out in answer to Skywarp’s playful question. The single word was drawn out into a long and impassioned moan as I lightly traced the lines of his face, drowning in a raging and suddenly all-consuming desire for all of Skywarp, for every part of him, every tiny facet of him. Physical, emotional, spiritual; I wanted it all. I wanted every little thing that made him who he was. Most of all, I wanted to be an integral part of who he was…and I knew that, soon, I would be, and that he, conversely, would be a part of me.
That intimate knowledge suffused me with…fear, actually. It was a fear of the unknown, a fear of acting upon instinct rather than careful, rational thinking. I was about to commit myself forever to someone I had just met, whom I didn’t really know at all…and even if I had known Skywarp for eons, I’d probably still be afraid. And yet here I was…
Insane! a faint voice suddenly called out in my head.
But I ignored that voice because, quite shockingly, my doubts were suddenly gone. What Skywarp and I were doing was insane, yes; I freely acknowledged that. But it was also right. It was a deep-set knowledge, that rightness. Spark knowledge. It was an inner acknowledgment, I realized, of destiny, of fate, of things that were just meant to be. And so the inner voices that had plagued me before Skywarp had arrived on my doorstep tonight were suddenly muffled, becoming progressively fainter until they were finally, blessedly silent. And they apparently dragged my shyness and hesitation along with them when they vanished, for I felt suddenly…bold, something that was the very opposite of my characteristic demeanor.
And now…Now I knew exactly what I wanted - needed - to do, and that need was a flame that demanded acquiescence, that licked insistently at me, burning with a searing but welcome heat.
“No, Skywarp,” I murmured as he simply stared at me, his mouth slightly open, his eyes alight. No doubt, he had noticed - felt, maybe - the sudden change in me, the sudden banishment of my doubts and hesitation…and perhaps he didn’t know quite what to make of it.
But at that moment, I didn’t care in the least. Rational Thundercracker was completely gone. In his place was…me, and at that moment I simply wanted to leap upon Skywarp and take him, make him mine forever.
Right now.
“Sometimes I won’t talk at all,” I murmured softly to him. “Sometimes I’ll just do this…”
Skywarp had been inching steadily nearer to me as I spoke, as if I was a magnet slowly, patiently drawing him in. And as I said those last words to him, I reached out with lightning speed across the small distance that still separated our bodies, slipped my arms around his waist and roughly, abruptly pulled him to me. And I held him, just held him, clinging to him as if I would never let go of him - and, yes, I suddenly knew to the very depths of my spark that I never would be letting him go of him at all, at least in a more figurative sense. That realization suffused me with a wave of heat, heat that made me, conversely, shiver to my core in anticipation of what was soon to come. It was a thought that was overwhelming, one that was at once powerfully exciting and infinitely terrifying…
And then I went suddenly down on my knees, not entirely of my own volition. And since he was wrapped rather demandingly in my embrace, Skywarp was compelled to collapse along with me. I had noted the surprised - but delighted - expression that flitted across his face, heard his surprised indrawn breath as I had pulled his body to mine, and now I heard his deep-throated, anticipatory laugh as we made that abrupt shift halfway to the floor. And this time I definitely felt a frisson of his excitement tickle at me as he snaked his arms between my head and my shoulder-mounted air intakes, rested his forehead against mine, and held on to me every bit as tightly, as insistently, as I was holding on to him
So this is how it is, then… I marveled idly as I just held Skywarp close for a moment, not moving, not really thinking. I was simply drinking in the entirely new sensation of another body pressed against mine, of my personal space - which I usually jealously guarded, more so, even, than most - suddenly being completely gone, completely…occupied
I had often heard descriptions of what it was like to bond, but they had been only vague descriptions. It seemed to me that no one could accurately describe in detail what it was like.
But even from vague descriptions… Well, to be quite honest, the very idea of bonding had always…deeply disturbed me, actually. I had always firmly insisted to myself that I would never, ever do it, not under any circumstances whatsoever. After all, more so even than most of my kind, I had always been an intensely private person. I preferred to keep my body - much less my mind and my innermost thoughts - to myself, and I had a marked tendency to shy away when others simply came too near me, much less if they tried to touch me.
So the amazing thing, now, was that I didn’t care at all that I currently had no personal space to speak of. The idea of Skywarp this close to me - not to mention the idea of him becoming even closer to me and on more than just a physical level - didn’t summon even a faint hint of alarm to the forefront of my thoughts. It was just…right. Skywarp was just supposed to be where he was right at that very moment, wrapped safely and securely in my arms, forever. It was his destiny…and mine. I don’t know how I knew it. I just…knew it, just as I had known two days ago, as our gazes had met and had held for that tellingly long moment, that Skywarp had to be mine, and that even more than that, he would be mine, soon.
Dear Primus, I never thought this would happen to me…I found myself marveling as Skywarp and I held each other for the first time.
Me, either…
I gasped in response to hearing Skywarp’s voice - his thoughts - shimmering faintly in my own mind…and I jerked abruptly away from him. I pulled entirely out of his embrace, even, and my momentum propelled me away from him with more force than I’d anticipated. I ended up a small distance from Skywarp, somehow sprawled ungracefully on my back. I pushed myself up on my elbows a moment later, to see Skywarp settling back to sit on his heels. He was staring at me intensely as he did so, all sorts of emotions flickering across his face. Among them was…hurt? It stabbed at me like an energon dagger plunging deep into my spark. I had not meant to hurl myself away from him; I did not want to leave his embrace at all. But his reply to my silent, unspoken thoughts had startled me, rattled me…and, in truth, it had deeply frightened me, as well. I hadn’t expected such a thing to happen, not yet. I was still adjusting to the idea of physical closeness, physical connection, with Skywarp, after all; I didn’t feel at all ready for any sort of mental communion…
Oh, I knew, of course, that I would share Skywarp’s thoughts once our sparks were merged, and that such a merge would happen fairly soon. And I was fine with that. More than fine, actually. I was willing, eager. I longed for it, even, which in truth profound surprised me. But this had been…different. This was…was…
I didn’t know what it was, actually… Oh, I knew that bondmates who’d been together for a long time could communicate in such an intimate, silent manner even when their sparks weren’t physically merged, as Skywarp and I had just briefly experienced. Bondmates who enjoyed such a close and intimate communion that they were very nearly one person, one soul, could do so easily, even, without even thinking about it; I had heard it said that some spoke silently to each other more often than they ever spoke aloud. And some bondmates, so I’d heard, eventually became so merged, so shared, so one, that they never spoke aloud to each other at all, for there was simply no need to do so in the intimate depths of such a complete communion.
But Skywarp and I… We hadn’t even bonded…yet…but already, inexplicably, just by way of close physical contact, Skywarp’s thoughts had somehow settled in and nestled themselves comfortably in and around my own. His mind had gently caressed my mind, just as his hands had caressed my body. And now…Emotions tumbled through my head in response to Skywarp’s faint but definite presence there in my mind, a presence that… Well, when I concentrated on it, I realized that it persisted even though I was no longer, for the moment, in physical contact with him. It was much fainter for that lack of contact, yes, merely an odd, new tickle in the back of my consciousness…but it was there - He was there - nonetheless.
I knew that he shouldn’t be there. Not yet, anyway. But there he was. I could not deny it…and I also couldn’t deny that it frightened me. And delighted me, too, but the fear, initially, had won out, indeed, and I had reacted to it without thinking about it…
And Skywarp, I suddenly knew as I stared dumbly at him, was just as startled, just as frightened as I was. He didn’t show it outwardly, no…but he didn’t have to show it outwardly for me to know that his fear was there. Not anymore. I didn’t understand how I knew what he was thinking and feeling, no…but slowly, stealthily, acceptance of the situation was already beginning to seep into my mind. After all, he and I were together here, tonight, in order to bond, and of course slowly coming to know each other’s thoughts was a natural outcome of that status. Normally, of course, that “knowing” happened in due course of time. Hundreds of years, usually. For us…Well, it had happened in about two seconds. And I suddenly decided that I was not going to let it deter me, the fact that things seemed to be happening at a rather more accelerated pace than I had anticipated. I still desperately wanted Skywarp. More than that, I knew that I needed him. I didn’t know precisely how or why I needed him…yet…but I needed him all the same. That relentless need pulled me to Skywarp with the force of a thousand very insistent electromagnets.
“I’m…sorry,” Skywarp was saying to me now, his voice reflecting his own confusion, his own fear. “I don’t know how that happened, Thundercracker…I didn’t mean to…I mean, I could…I could hear what you were thinking, and I… I just…thought back. But I didn’t mean to frighten you…Primus, not you, no…” he stammered out.
It was the first time I’d seen or heard anything less than ringing, rock-solid confidence from Skywarp. I found it…endearing, this unexpected, underlying vulnerability that he was displaying. I knew, suddenly, that it was something he would show to no one else, only to me….and I also knew that he didn’t understand why he felt safe enough with me to show that side of himself. He just felt it…and he, unlike me, was a creature deeply in touch with his own emotions. He trusted them to lead him to the right path and so he rarely questioned them. He simply acted upon them.
For a moment, as his voice trailed off in adorable uncertainty, I just smiled at Skywarp as my defenses - and more importantly my fear - melted suddenly, like a chunk of scrap tossed into a smelting pool. He sensed, I knew, the direction of my thoughts. Dimly, I heard him think that he didn’t trust his legs to support himself. I briefly wondered why…and then was given my answer when he started moving toward me again, this time shuffling awkwardly on hands and knees. My smile widened as I watched him approach, as I greedily drank in the way that the muted lighting of my quarters played softly over the angles of his black and white body as he moved. And then he was at my side, and I made a move to sit up fully…a move that he interrupted by laying a gentle but firm hand on the front of my shoulder, pushing me insistently down again, all the way onto my back.
“No, don’t bother getting up, love,” Skywarp was whispering to me, and it was the first time he used that term of endearment. I looked up at him wonderingly as he smiled down at me, his eyes alight with a mixture of desire and mischief. “Because I’d only have to knock you down again…” he added, in answer to my silent, unspoken why.
I gaped at him, watching in a foggy daze as he folded back one wing and seemed slowly to…melt down next to me. He nestled himself alongside me, fitting his body easily with mine as if he’d been laying next to me like this for millions of years, and laid one arm possessively across my midsection.
The next few moments…or maybe they were hours or days, I don’t know…seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. All I knew was that I was drowning in Skywarp, basking in him. I delighted in the expressions on his face, alternately playful, gentle, and, in the end, urgently passionate. I exulted in his amazingly light but endlessly stimulating touch as we moved together. I rejoiced in his simple physical nearness, a nearness that was, in the end, comforting in its complete rightness. And I discovered of a sudden, quite by accident, that I could feel what I was doing to him. If I ran a hand down his chest, I could feel it run down mine as well even though he wasn’t touching me there, and it evoked in me the same shivers that it evoked in Skywarp, on top of the shivers Skywarp was eliciting from me on his own. It was almost too much. The sensual pleasure was vast, indeed, but not quite to the point of sensory overload. Not yet, at least. Skywarp and I were new at this bonding thing, but we were somehow already quite good at it, moving neither too quickly nor too slowly for each other, each somehow knowing exactly what the other could withstand as we skated for an extended period of time along the fine line that separated sensual ecstasy from overwhelmed, overloaded unconsciousness.
I wanted it all to go on forever. I wanted never to leave his side. I wanted him in physical contact with me for the rest of my life, however long that turned out to be… I wanted…I wanted… And then, at some point along the line, hours or days after we’d begun this adventure, I found that I suddenly wasn’t alone, that I wasn’t alone in my own mind. Without even consciously thinking about it, Skywarp and I had instinctively merged our sparks…and then Skywarp was there in my mind as much as his body was in my arms, and I was simultaneously in his mind, and we were moving closer to each other, mentally, with each passing moment. Very quickly, it seemed, we arrived at a point where there was no difference between the part of us that was Skywarp and the part of us that was Thundercracker; our two consciousnesses had become entwined to a greater degree than our far more awkward physical bodies ever could be. We were, for however long our sparks remained merged, a single entity, one who was finally - blissfully - complete, as neither one of us was complete when we were apart from each other.
In bits and pieces, brief but enticing flashes of Skywarp’s life, the experiences that made him who he was, came to me during that time in which we were soul-merged. They were scattered, disorganized, out of chronological order, and they flitted through my awareness far too quickly, for the most part, for me to be able to “see” them clearly, much less to analyze and understand them. We were not yet used to each other and neither of us, of course, had ever done what we were doing now. But I tried to make sense of what I experienced of Skywarp, as I knew that he was simultaneously trying to make sense of what he was experiencing of me. We wanted - needed - to know each other, of course. We each needed to understand the person that the other was. After all, there was now no going back. Our sparks were one, we were bonded, and that was an eternal and inseparable link, a lifelong commitment. Our life’s paths were now tangled together in a knot that no one could undo. So I would know all that I could about Skywarp, and I would know it as soon as I possibly could. That was my goal.
Skywarp’s life flashed by me in a flood that for now I could only partially absorb. He allowed me to “see” brief episodes here and there, things that allowed me to understand him better. I allowed the same to him…although my life was substantially shorter and far less…exciting than his so far. My life, after all, had only really begun when I’d first seen Skywarp…
But Skywarp’s had been an…eventful…life already. I now knew, as I relived some of it with him, that it was full of horrors that I hadn’t even suspected, that no one, in fact, would suspect just through knowing Skywarp casually, for he hid them well. He buried them deep down in his psyche, and they were well-camouflaged by his generally carefree persona, one that he had carefully forged over the long years of his life. But the cumulative effect of his life’s experiences was such that, so I was learning, Skywarp was secretly haunted by his past, of which I was getting, for now, only the briefest and most disjointed of tastes. Oh, he was genuinely happy and self-confident now, now that he was secure in his position and now that he had settled himself comfortably amongst the highest echelons of the Decepticon command hierarchy…but it was a confidence that had been hard won, and it had some thin but rather deep cracks, as well. When those cracks threatened to widen, as they occasionally did…Well, Skywarp did anything to make sure that that didn’t happen…
But there were times, I suddenly knew, when that was a difficult effort for him, indeed.
Sometimes, Skywarp needed someone to be strong and confident for, so that he wouldn’t “sink,” as he thought of it. And so Skywarp needed me because I, being eternally doubtful and unsure of myself, needed someone strong to pull me out of frighteningly frequent over- analytical and occasionally depressive funks. Without that someone, before I had met Skywarp, I had often feared that I’d end up a babbling lunatic arguing endlessly with the voices in my head. Skywarp, I now knew to the very depths of my being, would prevent that. This, I began to understand, was one reason for our instant, powerful attraction to one another. The knowledge simply flooded into my…our…consciousness as Skywarp and I laid there on the floor of my quarters with our minds and sparks as tightly intertwined as our bodies were, as we remained in that place, merged and exploring one another’s minds and memories. We needed each other. We were uniquely suited to each other. Our sparks had known it even if we hadn’t consciously known it ourselves. Each of our sparks had detected in the other the missing bits and pieces of itself. It wasn’t the only reason that Skywarp and I had been attracted to each other, though, and I was sure that, in time, we would slowly discover all of the other reasons together.
We only had forever, after all.
As it was, now, in having some sort of explanation for the craziness, the desperate longing and needing that had compelled Skywarp and I to do what we were doing at that very moment… It made me much more comfortable with the whole idea of bonding, particularly the fact that I had gone and done it with someone who was, when all was said and done, a complete stranger. And with that understanding…I felt myself relax. Completely. Utterly. I felt myself become more open to Skywarp, physically as well as mentally, since I realized at that very moment that I’d been holding back, still uncertain, still afraid. I had been afraid of Skywarp, afraid of relinquishing control of my mind and body to someone else. Most of all, I had been afraid for some reason of completely letting go and just enjoying what I was experiencing, as if I thought I didn’t deserve it.
But I was no longer afraid. Skywarp at that moment was on top of me, straddling me, his weight on his hands, which he had placed on either side of my shoulders, pinning me to the floor beneath me by the wings. It was a position that had made the spark merge easy to accomplish since our sparks were conveniently on opposite sides of our respective midsections.
But I suddenly wanted Skywarp closer. I knew that the spark merge wouldn’t last much longer.
I could feel the surface of my body tingling with the extra energy surging through me, and
Skywarp’s entire body was trembling as he fought to support himself, so much so that even his wings were shuddering. I realized that if that communion was going to end soon, then I at least wanted every square millimeter of Skywarp’s physical body against mine. So I reached up, wrapped both arms around his air intakes, and insistently pulled him down on top of me. He didn’t offer much resistance, collapsing down on top of me with a long sigh that became a moan by the time it ran its course.
I love you, I thought to him fiercely, holding him tightly against me, wrapping both arms and both legs around him as I felt the first shudders of overload pass along the connection between our sparks and then outward to both of our trembling bodies. I felt the world spin around me then, felt a sudden wave of tingling heat run through my body. I ran my hands along the edges of Skywarp’s wings, feeling the echoes of his pleasure at my touch as I did so, as he answered in my mind with wild, impassioned abandon, You are everything I’ve always wanted, my love…and more…
I whimpered uncontrollably as Skywarp propped his elbows against my chest then, arching his back in ecstasy as the final shudders of overload ran between our connected sparks and they began to disengage in self-preservation. As shudders wracked him, Skywarp’s fingers dug powerfully into my chest, in a way that should have been painful but wasn’t, not now, because I was suddenly drowning in his pleasure. Reflexively, reacting to his passion, my own fingers dug into his shoulders, where my hands had come to rest on him. I left dents there, and I could feel the pain-pleasure in my own shoulders…and it was…was…
It was too much. It was enough to drive us both over the edge, into that abyss of sensory overload that we had so far managed to delay but could delay no longer. We cried out in tandem as Skywarp collapsed against me, both shuddering in the aftermath of what we had just done, both spent but both…jubilant was too weak of a word, but in my complete physical and mental exhaustion it was all that occurred to me.
It was some time before either of us was coherent, much less before either one of us could move. During that time, I just held Skywarp against me, my arms wrapped loosely but protectively, possessively, around his narrow waist and my legs still twined around his. I felt wonderfully content, relaxed, and I was amazed - though I shouldn’t have been, of course - to find him still there in my mind, a quiescent but definite presence now, one that I knew would be there forever and that would only strengthen with time. A scant few days ago, the very thought would have terrified me, repulsed me. Now it was just…reality. My reality, and it felt completely natural, filling me with wonder. I let out a long and contented sigh as I drifted happily in that feeling…and then I heard Skywarp chuckle softly, fondly. I refocused my drowsy, hazy attention on him then, and saw that he was looking down at me, one elbow propped on my chest, his hand cupping his chin. A soft, beautiful, affectionate smile was playing over his face as he watched me, and when he knew that I was looking at him, he snaked his other arm up so that he could caress my face, tracing its lines.
“You’re beautiful when you’re happy, Thundercracker,” he breathed softly, wonderingly to me, his voice roughened with his own weariness. “You know that?”
I smiled as I caught the hand that was tracing my face, interlaced my fingers with his, and asserted quietly, contentedly, “You’re beautiful all the time.”
He grinned widely, impudently at that, chuckling mischievously.
“I know,” he said lightly, his voice floating to my audios as his head drifted down to rest on my chest again.
I heaved a mock-exasperated sigh at that and playfully smacked one of his air intakes.
“You are horribly arrogant,” I accused, but I palliated the accusation with a happy, luxuriously sated, “but I love you, anyway.”
Love you, too, TC, came the quiet, happy mental reply, the thought brushing gently against my separate-yet-not-separate mind.
And so I had earned a nickname… I sighed in satisfaction as Skywarp completely relaxed, his body settling comfortably against mine, and I felt myself begin to…drift. But before I fully drifted off into unconscious oblivion, with Skywarp sprawled contentedly all over me like a security blanket, I had the presence of mind to check my chronometer. And I found, half in wonder and half in dismay, that not even an hour had passed since Skywarp had walked through the door of my quarters and into my soul… I chuckled softly, with contented weariness, which elicited a sleepy squeak of protest from the dozing Skywarp. He settled down again a moment later, though, and the very last thought that my mind was able to entertain before recharge completely claimed me as well was that it was going to be a wonderfully long three days…
And then I, too, was gone.