Sep 17, 2008 11:55
I was thinking earlier this morning and I had been thinking about it recently, about how I would like to see a therapist. I have always avoided doing this first and foremost because I know therapists and social workers and I know they talk about their patients, even if they don't give specific information. And I never, ever want to be a story at a dinner party or a lesson to someone's kids. I had a doctor once who suggested therapy for my depression but I was just too scared and distrusting to ever go through with it. And I rationalized it as the stuff that therapy would help with is stuff I can handle on my own or just get over, and I needed the medication to help with the depression I couldn't explain.
But lately, I feel like my depression is really psychological and lately I just have been starting to feel more and more fucked up and confused about myself. I have also realized that my problems are by no means interesting enough that a therapist would want to regale people with stories of me. I think I'm at a point in my life where I am ready for therapy, and I don't really really really know if I need it or not, but I think I would appreciate it. Figuring myself out has been more productive, but it's hard when I don't actually know shit. It's hard going at it alone.
But then I remembered that I don't really want to give up a huge chunk of paycheck just to possibly maybe make sorting my head out a little easier, and I know my mom can't afford it, and I definitely do not want Drew and Jennifer paying for it or even knowing about it. I do not want those questions asked.
So I am basically writing this in the hopes that it will help me give up on the whole notion.
emo,
giving up,
therapy