Nutso Customer
Me: *carefully unwraps an engagement ring from the jewelers paper and happily hands it to the young woman*. "There you are!"
Her: *scrutinizes ring*. "There are scratches on it! Why are there scraches on it?!! It's only a week old!"
Me: "... May I see it? Oh, those are polishing scratches. It's just a remnant from the refurbishing. All rings will have that. No one will see them, I guarantee you - they'll be looking at the diamond instead!"
Her: *froths*. "But it's scratched!"
Me: "Well, gold is a soft metal. It will scratch during the first day of wear. All gold is like that."
Her: "But it's scratched!"
Me, inwardly: *twitch*. All right, give me just a moment while I call down a trio of angels to buff your ring with their breath and feathers, then enclose it in a magical field so that nothing can ever touch your beloved ring and scratch it. Never mind that it's gold, and what does gold do best? It scratches! *headdesk*
Her: "If I decide to return it, can I do that? Because I just don't know about this!"
Me, inwardly: No ma'am, we just changed our return policy. You can't return something if you're a moron. Sorry, and have a nice day!
Her: *scrutinizes ring*. "There are scratches on it! Why are there scraches on it?!! It's only a week old!"
Me: "... May I see it? Oh, those are polishing scratches. It's just a remnant from the refurbishing. All rings will have that. No one will see them, I guarantee you - they'll be looking at the diamond instead!"
Her: *froths*. "But it's scratched!"
Me: "Well, gold is a soft metal. It will scratch during the first day of wear. All gold is like that."
Her: "But it's scratched!"
Me, inwardly: *twitch*. All right, give me just a moment while I call down a trio of angels to buff your ring with their breath and feathers, then enclose it in a magical field so that nothing can ever touch your beloved ring and scratch it. Never mind that it's gold, and what does gold do best? It scratches! *headdesk*
Her: "If I decide to return it, can I do that? Because I just don't know about this!"
Me, inwardly: No ma'am, we just changed our return policy. You can't return something if you're a moron. Sorry, and have a nice day!