An Announcement
2007 was not a particularly good year for me. I found myself trapped within the walls of my own home, stuck in not one but two jobs with vampiric environments that left me tired and exhausted every day. I was cranky and mean and selfish. In the past seven months, I have noticed a distinct change in myself. Small, perhaps, to the outside world. But to me, I am not the same person I was a year ago. I'm happier, healthier, and in a better state of mind. I'm still the same temperamental, cranky, inappropriate guy I was, but inside.... I've changed. I like this change, and come September, things will change the very foundation of my life.
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Back around New Year's Eve, I posted the following in my journal:
"I refuse to be the miserable, lonely person I was this year any more. I refuse to be in the same place, emotionally, romantically, physically, financially, and equitorially one year from now. 2008 will be a year of growth for me. I go into it with a clean slate. I won't let myself stay stagnant this long ever again. In the last week alone I've seen a friend engaged, kissed him to prove a point, given my phone number to two different people, made a good friend from work, and reconnected with two friends I haven't spoken to in months. This is the person I want to be in 2008."
I don't think I could have realized how prophetic I was being. Since writing this, I have made many good friends, people who (I hope) will be in my life for years to come. I've had a date - which promptly cancelled on me shortly before I found out he had a girlfriend, natch - lost a few friends, and grown a backbone. I no longer take the shit that my parents throw at me on a daily basis, and I call them out on it. On that not, though, the things stop being so positive. My home no longer feels like a home. I feel imprisoned here, trapped with the two people who understand me the least. I realize now that they have been intentionally holding me back, preventing me from moving on. I always knew that they were passive aggressive, and that they didn't want me to leave, but my closest friends have helped me to see how much they have been holding me back.
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A few weeks ago, Kevin, Kamil, and I signed a lease for an apartment in Manchester. Our friend, Jason, is vacating the apartment he's been at for two years, and we are moving in. We had been talking about it since Faire ended last year, and around my birthday Kevin brought up the possibility of us actually moving in together. It was very quick - from the time we started talking about it to the time we filled out the applications and signed the lease was probably less than a month - and I don't feel entirely prepared. I mean, financially this is probably one of the most irresponsible things I have ever done. But I need it. If I ever want to salvage my relationship with my parents, if I ever want to start my life, I couldn't say no to this.
So, come September, I won't be living in Colchester anymore. Kevin's father is going to be teaching me how to drive over the next few weeks, beginning tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll be driving by the time we move in, but if not than I'll find a way to make it all work. I'm going to start looking for a job in the area, hopefully in a kitchen. Cooking is something I'm so passionate about, I look at this move as a way to start my life, truly start it, so why transfer to another Blockbuster or Starbucks? I want to get out of retail and start figuring out what I want to do with my life. If things work out in the kitchen then maybe I'll head to MCC for some culinary classes next year. I know for a fact that I won't make it to school in the next several months, as I'll be too busy living on my own for the first time to afford it.
And as Kevin so brilliantly pointed out, I cannot accept money from my parents. They will use it against me, like they always do, to try to prevent me from leaving. I've also decided, perhaps wisely perhaps not, to not tell them that I'm leaving in advance. I don't need them trying to talk me out of this when I know that it's something I need, and no longer something that I simply want. As such, they'll know that I no longer live with them when my room has been emptied and boxed up. They'll know that I'm moving away when I stuff my entire life into Kevin's car and bring in to Manchester. Call this juvenile, call it unnecessary.... I know my parents too well to let them screw this up.
I can't wait to start living my life!!!
________________________________________________
Back around New Year's Eve, I posted the following in my journal:
"I refuse to be the miserable, lonely person I was this year any more. I refuse to be in the same place, emotionally, romantically, physically, financially, and equitorially one year from now. 2008 will be a year of growth for me. I go into it with a clean slate. I won't let myself stay stagnant this long ever again. In the last week alone I've seen a friend engaged, kissed him to prove a point, given my phone number to two different people, made a good friend from work, and reconnected with two friends I haven't spoken to in months. This is the person I want to be in 2008."
I don't think I could have realized how prophetic I was being. Since writing this, I have made many good friends, people who (I hope) will be in my life for years to come. I've had a date - which promptly cancelled on me shortly before I found out he had a girlfriend, natch - lost a few friends, and grown a backbone. I no longer take the shit that my parents throw at me on a daily basis, and I call them out on it. On that not, though, the things stop being so positive. My home no longer feels like a home. I feel imprisoned here, trapped with the two people who understand me the least. I realize now that they have been intentionally holding me back, preventing me from moving on. I always knew that they were passive aggressive, and that they didn't want me to leave, but my closest friends have helped me to see how much they have been holding me back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A few weeks ago, Kevin, Kamil, and I signed a lease for an apartment in Manchester. Our friend, Jason, is vacating the apartment he's been at for two years, and we are moving in. We had been talking about it since Faire ended last year, and around my birthday Kevin brought up the possibility of us actually moving in together. It was very quick - from the time we started talking about it to the time we filled out the applications and signed the lease was probably less than a month - and I don't feel entirely prepared. I mean, financially this is probably one of the most irresponsible things I have ever done. But I need it. If I ever want to salvage my relationship with my parents, if I ever want to start my life, I couldn't say no to this.
So, come September, I won't be living in Colchester anymore. Kevin's father is going to be teaching me how to drive over the next few weeks, beginning tomorrow morning. Hopefully I'll be driving by the time we move in, but if not than I'll find a way to make it all work. I'm going to start looking for a job in the area, hopefully in a kitchen. Cooking is something I'm so passionate about, I look at this move as a way to start my life, truly start it, so why transfer to another Blockbuster or Starbucks? I want to get out of retail and start figuring out what I want to do with my life. If things work out in the kitchen then maybe I'll head to MCC for some culinary classes next year. I know for a fact that I won't make it to school in the next several months, as I'll be too busy living on my own for the first time to afford it.
And as Kevin so brilliantly pointed out, I cannot accept money from my parents. They will use it against me, like they always do, to try to prevent me from leaving. I've also decided, perhaps wisely perhaps not, to not tell them that I'm leaving in advance. I don't need them trying to talk me out of this when I know that it's something I need, and no longer something that I simply want. As such, they'll know that I no longer live with them when my room has been emptied and boxed up. They'll know that I'm moving away when I stuff my entire life into Kevin's car and bring in to Manchester. Call this juvenile, call it unnecessary.... I know my parents too well to let them screw this up.
I can't wait to start living my life!!!