Call me a sinner. Call me a saint.
I’ve got this song playing over and over into my head. I keep thinking that the solution to my misery is somehow hidden in this song, and that maybe if I listen to it enough I can find the answers I have been looking for.
Theorem 14: The Gift, and the Curse
I keep this theorem to myself for the sole reason that the only person I wrote it for is me. My whole life has been about disappointments and letdowns, and it was all for the sake of trying to make something of myself. But now, as I write this entry, I can’t help but think that all of it may have been for nothing. I risked it all, and got nothing in return but this stupid blog as an outpost to a virtual reality.
Where do I go from here?
We all set goals for ourselves. For me, it was number 14. The lucky number has brought nothing but empty promises. Yet, in this darkest hour, I rely on it the most to pull me through. After all the mistakes number 14 have brought me, it is here, and now, that I make the decision to forever change my life.
Let’s see how far we’ve come.
I will press on. Whether I stop at 100 or 1000, I do not know. But this I shall promise myself: I will not stop until I find the answers I seek, hiding in plain sight. Even at that moment, I do not know if I will even have the will to stop.
To summarize, here’s a list to put things into perspective.
Theorem 1: Choices
Theorem 2: Jobs
Theorem 3: Rules
Theorem 4: Relationships
Theorem 5: Addictions
Theorem 6: Love
Theorem 7: Emotions
Theorem 8: Regrets
Theorem 9: Lies
Theorem 10: Absolutes
Theorem 11: Doubts
Theorem 12: Consequences
Theorem 13: Appearances
Theorem 14: Sinner/Saint
Theorem 15: Endings
After I post this I shall give it one week to gather as many comments as it can. Once a week, every week. I will put all I can into every theorem. Every idea will be analyzed and written about. Every story told, and every moment shared.
It’s all that I can say, so I’ll be on my way…
Call Me, by Shinedown
Wrap me in a bolt of lightning
Send me on my way still smiling
Maybe that’s the way I should go
Straight into the mouth of the unknown
I left the spare key on the table
Never really thought I’d be able
To say “I’d merely visit on the weekends”
I lost my whole life and a dear friend.
I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, never mind
God knows I’ve tried
Call me a sinner, call me a saint.
Tell me it’s over, I’ll still love you the same.
Call me your favorite, call me the worst.
Tell me it’s over, I don’t want you to hurt.
It’s all that I can say, So I’ll be on my way.
Finally put it all together
But nothing really lasts forever
I had to make a choice that was not mine
I had to say goodbye for the last time
I kept my whole life in a suitcase
Never really stayed in one place
Maybe that’s the way it should be
You know I’ve lead my life like a gypsy
I’ve said it so many times
I would change my ways
No, never mind
God knows I’ve tried
Call me a sinner, call me a saint.
Tell me it’s over, I’ll still love you the same.
Call me your favorite, call me the worst.
Tell me it’s over, I don’t want you to hurt.
It’s all that I can say, So I’ll be on my way.
I’ll always keep you inside
You healed my heart and my life
And you know I tried
Call me a sinner, call me a saint.
Tell me it’s over, I’ll still love you the same.
Call me your favorite, call me the worst.
Tell me it’s over, I don’t want you to hurt.
It’s all that I can say,
So I’ll be on my way.
So I’ll be on my way…