marriage
Recently, I finished reading the book Here Comes the Bride: Women, Weddings, And The Marriage Mystique by Jaclyn Geller ( 2001 ) - a socialogical study on the business, history, and culture of weddings/wedlock that also provides an arguement on why people shouldn't get married and why it's an arcahic tradition. ( I was browsing the books in a local library and the book caught my eye, so I picked it up )
It's a very interesting read and tries to persude the reader not to buy into the "fantasy" and "tradition" of "state-sanctioned" coupledom, and that whole notion of marriage is an outmoded and unrealistic institution. ( personally, I feel the only real reason people have any reason to get married these days is for tax purposes, and it's a sad state of affairs in our country when you have to enter into the legal contract of marriage to get tax benefits ) The author makes some good points about the business of weddings - the scenrio of this over-the-top extravangaza with $20 invitations and $5,000 cake is ridiculous. Plus, what if the marriage doesn't work ( and with the currently 50%+ divorce rate in this country it probably won't ) - you've spent all this money on this crazy "celebration of love" only to come out with egg on your face at the failure of said marriage. ( and seriously, if you want to throw a big party, throw - does one need to reason to? )
However, there is one point the author fails to connect - she says that marriage is seen as the be all and end all of finding the person you are going to spend the rest of your live with, the person that you are going to be completely devoted to and all other relationships ( friends, relatives, etc. ) suddenly take a back seat to your new sponse. However, and especially in an increasing culture where people are not just ready to enter the legal contract of marriage - a lot of couples in a "relationship" often act the same way married couples do. ( without of course being married ) I can think of a bunch of couples I've seen do this - forsake all others when they decided to become "boyfriend/girlfriend/partner", everyone else takes a backseat. It's ridiculous - but yeah, it was a flaw on the authors part not to discuss the way "marriage-minded thinking" is affecting people who have no plans to marry. ( or maybe it's "pre-marriage?" lol )
Plus, the author does discuss the whole "society places the highest value on married couples/nucleur families" and that single people are "inferior" - which I do feel is dumb. However, our society is at a very conservative juncture right now, and that's not going to change anytime soon.
Still, after reading the book I'm still torn on the aspect of marriage - while I think it's probably an outdated/pointless tradition, I don't know if I don't want to get married in the furture - if I do, it will probably just be some casual Vegas affair ( when I was younger I too bought into the whole big fancy wedding fantasy - but now that I'm older it just seems like a uncomfortable, nerve-wracking waste of money )
What do you think?
( cross-posted to myspace blog )
It's a very interesting read and tries to persude the reader not to buy into the "fantasy" and "tradition" of "state-sanctioned" coupledom, and that whole notion of marriage is an outmoded and unrealistic institution. ( personally, I feel the only real reason people have any reason to get married these days is for tax purposes, and it's a sad state of affairs in our country when you have to enter into the legal contract of marriage to get tax benefits ) The author makes some good points about the business of weddings - the scenrio of this over-the-top extravangaza with $20 invitations and $5,000 cake is ridiculous. Plus, what if the marriage doesn't work ( and with the currently 50%+ divorce rate in this country it probably won't ) - you've spent all this money on this crazy "celebration of love" only to come out with egg on your face at the failure of said marriage. ( and seriously, if you want to throw a big party, throw - does one need to reason to? )
However, there is one point the author fails to connect - she says that marriage is seen as the be all and end all of finding the person you are going to spend the rest of your live with, the person that you are going to be completely devoted to and all other relationships ( friends, relatives, etc. ) suddenly take a back seat to your new sponse. However, and especially in an increasing culture where people are not just ready to enter the legal contract of marriage - a lot of couples in a "relationship" often act the same way married couples do. ( without of course being married ) I can think of a bunch of couples I've seen do this - forsake all others when they decided to become "boyfriend/girlfriend/partner", everyone else takes a backseat. It's ridiculous - but yeah, it was a flaw on the authors part not to discuss the way "marriage-minded thinking" is affecting people who have no plans to marry. ( or maybe it's "pre-marriage?" lol )
Plus, the author does discuss the whole "society places the highest value on married couples/nucleur families" and that single people are "inferior" - which I do feel is dumb. However, our society is at a very conservative juncture right now, and that's not going to change anytime soon.
Still, after reading the book I'm still torn on the aspect of marriage - while I think it's probably an outdated/pointless tradition, I don't know if I don't want to get married in the furture - if I do, it will probably just be some casual Vegas affair ( when I was younger I too bought into the whole big fancy wedding fantasy - but now that I'm older it just seems like a uncomfortable, nerve-wracking waste of money )
What do you think?
( cross-posted to myspace blog )