Fic: Take These Chances to Turn It Around 5/5 (JD/Cox)
Title: Take These Chances to Turn It Around
Chapter: 5/5
Author: nighthawkms (beta'd by emilys_knickers)
Genre: AR Future Fic, Angst
Warnings: Explicit content, obscenity
Pairing:(s) JD/Cox
Summary: Perry returns to Sacred Heart after five years to try and tie up loose ends. The problem is, those ends don't seem to want to stay tied down. Future takes place approx. "Season 9".
Disclaimer: Scrubs is the property of Bill Lawrence and NBC. I make no claims to ownership, I'm just playing in the 'verse.
Part 2 Theme: Since You've Been Gone- Theory of a Deadman
Notes: The finale! Bon appetit! Thanks for sticking with me through this!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Perry really didn’t know why he was standing there. When JD had confessed his continuing love to him at the bar, he should’ve just gone to Jordan’s, picked up his things, and fled back to his new life.
Instead he was outside of JD’s door, pounding his fist into the wood.
“Go away, Perry!” How- damn peephole, Perry thought, punching the door again. “I can’t do this!”
“Open the door, Newbie, or so help me god, I will-“ The door opened so fast that he almost punched JD in the face.
“What did you call me?” Perry saw a man breaking down before him, breathing heavily, eyes wide and filled with some sort of wonder. Still, it didn’t keep him from lashing out at JD.
“What, are you offended? Am I not showing you respect?” Perry sneered. “Because frankly, you’ll always be a newbie compared to me, so get used to it.”
JD glared slightly. “So if I’m such a newbie, why did you leave? Why didn’t you stay to teach me more?”
“We went over this a hundred-“
“No, Perry.” JD folded his arms and stood firm in the doorway. “I want the truth. Why did you abandon me? How the hell did that make things better for any of us?”
Perry growled, a lock in his mind snapping. “Fine, you want to know?” he spat out, shoving past JD into the apartment. He really didn’t want to carry this conversation in the hallway, it’s not like he was interested in what JD’s place looked like. However, he did take the time to note that it looked a lot less like a college dorm now, and more like a proper living space.
“Well?”
Perry turned and faced JD. “Did you ever stop to think that I was leaving not just for my sake, but for yours? And no, let me explain,” he said, holding up a hand when JD started to speak. “Do you think that anybody would’ve respected you as a doctor if I had stayed? JD, you would’ve been seen as my little boy-toy; ‘Dr. Cox’s pet.’ Everything you accomplished would have been seen as nothing more than the result of my coaching.”
“But you did teach me.”
“There’s a difference between being your mentor and being your boyfriend,” Perry said with a sigh. “You were already an independent, competent doctor by the time we hooked up; but people wouldn’t have seen you as such if they knew you always had me to fall back on.”
“So you left for me. There was absolutely no reason otherwise. That’s bullshit.”
“Of course that’s not the only reason.” Perry was staring very hard down at the side table by the couch, not wanting to meet JD’s eyes for what he said next. “Truth be told… I was scared. I’d hurt you so badly; I thought you’d never forgive me. And I didn’t want to be reminded every day of what I’d done to you by seeing you at work.”
“You… idiot.” Perry looked up to see JD leaning back against the shut door, staring at the ground. “I loved you. If you had come back instead of running away without even saying goodbye, I would’ve forgiven you in a heartbeat.”
“You don’t mean that.”
JD suddenly stepped forward, grabbing the lapels of Perry’s jacket and pulling his face closer. “You better fucking believe I mean it!” And then JD pressed their lips together again for the first time in five years.
Memories of smells and tastes and the feeling of JD under him came rushing back to Perry’s mind, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d pressed JD back against the wall, desperately ravishing the younger man’s mouth while he lost the last of his control. JD let out a strangled moan and opened his mouth to Perry’s waiting tongue, grasping the older man’s shoulders with his fingers.
When they finally broke apart, Perry rested his forehead against JD’s, panting for breath. “Okay,” he gasped, “I think I believe you, JD.”
“Call me Newbie.”
Perry lifted his head, looking down at JD in confusion. “What?”
“Do you know how much I’ve missed you calling me that? Carla tried it once for a day to try and cheer me up; I ended up yelling at her and getting suspended for a week.”
“You’re kidding. No, you’re not, are you?” Perry smirked slightly as JD’s grin turned a little sheepish. “Alright then… Newbie?” JD was grinning, but something still didn’t seem right to Perry. The entire situation was just… off.
JD pulled him back into another kiss, and Perry tried to get into it, gasping out an, “oh, Newbie,” when the other man began kissing and gently biting up and down Perry’s neck.
“Again,” he heard JD moan, drawing up to press his lips back on Perry’s. “I want it… need it… need to be your Newbie again…”
A jolt of realization hit Perry’s mind, and he suddenly pulled away, gasping and wide eyed, holding JD away from him by the shoulders. “JD, you’re-“
“Newbie, Perry, please!”
“JD-“
“New-”
“JD!” Perry shouted, shaking the other man’s shoulders. “You’re not a newbie anymore! I can’t call you that; it doesn’t feel right. You’ve changed; I’ve changed. It’s been five years; I’m not the same person you fell in love with!”
Oh god, this wasn’t happening. But JD wasn’t Newbie anymore. Perry didn’t know what he was.
“Yes you are!” JD shouted at him, now seeming to realize what Perry was saying. “We may have changed somewhat, Perry, but it doesn’t mean that the things we found in each other to love are gone! I don’t care what’s changed; you’re still you!”
But Perry wasn’t listening; he couldn’t think. He needed to get away; needed to figure out what was going on; where they were going, and maybe who he was now.
He stepped back, leaving JD standing in the middle of his living room. “But I don’t know if you’re still the you that I loved, and I need to figure that out.”
Then he was gone, running out the door, JD’s scream of frustration echoing behind him.
~
“Jordan, I gave him up for you! For us!”
“I don’t give a damn, Perry. You’ve fucked with my heart for the last time. One of us is moving out, because we’re done.”
“I just left him to get you back; I’m not losing you now!”
“Well tough luck. You don’t love me, Perry. You haven’t for ages. And if you loved him, you’re an asshole for kicking him to the curb for me.”
She slammed the door behind her, and the finality of it all set in on Perry.
~
It was raining again; the clouds that had cleared up right after the wake were back again, pouring buckets of water down onto the city as Perry ran, splashing down the streets en route to the cemetery.
Any plans of entrance were cut off, however, when he got to the gates and saw that they were locked tight.
“Open the hell up!” Perry shouted, banging on the metal bars before sagging against them.
He needed to get inside; needed to find Kelso’s grave again, dig the man up, and beat the shit out of his dead corpse for doing this to Perry. He’d lost his mind; everything he’d worked for over the past five years was ruined.
All the pain he’d pushed away had flooded back. All the memories of JD’s desperate phone calls, begging him to come back, were fresh in his mind. At least the shoebox was gone; he’d left it at JD’s apartment. But getting rid of that had come with the cost of everything else coming to the surface.
And on top of that, new pain was flooding in from having to flee JD’s apartment tonight. New memories were filled with JD’s shouts as Perry ran away again, as cowardly and afraid as the last time.
God, I haven’t changed at all; I’m still a horrible bastard who lets his fear overpower him.
Perry sank to the ground, staring up into the rain and cursing himself for doing this again; for making the same mistakes as last time. Nothing changed; even if he was older, he was still in essence the same crabby bastard who had first walked into Sacred Heart almost twenty years ago.
And then he realized something. If he was the same, then why would JD not be?
It was such a simple answer; it couldn’t be the truth. Could it?
Perry looked back and compared the JD he’d known over the past few days to the one he’d known in the past. They were both overly optimistic, caring, and not completely sure of themselves.
The JD of today was a little wiser and a little more jaded, but the carefree, fun-loving attitude was still hidden there; Perry would bet his life that despite the professional haircut and “Doctor Dorian” title, JD was still the man who would chest-bump Turk after a successful surgery, share musical tastes with Elliot, and keep an intense rivalry with the Janitor.
Suddenly, Perry didn’t want to be in front of this cemetery anymore. He wasn’t living in the past; he was living in the present, and the present was waiting for him to step up. So he stood and ran back down the street, hoping that JD could forgive him one more time.
~
He hadn’t really forgotten to give the things back to JD that were in the shoebox. He wanted that last connection, so that maybe someday, someday…
~
“JD!”
Perry had been pounding on the door for a good ten minutes now, and there was still no response. He was amazed that none of the neighbors had come out into the hall to yell at him. It wouldn’t have dissuaded him; he would break down the door soon if he had to.
“JD, I’m going to break this door down; please listen to me!”
Still no answer. Perry slammed his fist onto the wood and rested his forehead on it, biting down on his lip to keep from screaming in frustration. He needed to get in there; he couldn’t let any more time pass, or he feared that JD would never give him another chance.
Well, if JD wasn’t going to let him in to speak, he’d do it in the hall.
“JD… you’re not a newbie anymore. You’re not!” he shouted through the door, eyes shut in concentration. “I can’t call you that anymore, because that name isn’t worthy of the respect you deserve! And… you were right. You’re not exactly the same person, and neither am I. But I don’t want to be with the old JD, because I’m not the old Perry. I’d rather find out what the new JD is like, because he is who I love, no matter what little things have changed.”
Perry listened for a sound, anything telling him if JD had heard what he’d said. His heart jumped at the sound of footsteps, and then the door was yanked out from under him, causing him to fall forward and collapse against the person who opened it.
Perry opened his eyes to see JD lying under him, looking up at him with a wondering adoration Perry had never seen before.
“I swear to god, if you’re fucking with me, I’ll never forgive you.”
“I wouldn’t blame you,” Perry said, leaning down. He caught JD’s mouth with his own, and twisted his fingers into the younger man’s hair, pleasantly surprised at the lack of oily product in it. One point to new JD, he thought as the younger man wrapped his arms around Perry’s waist and pulled him tight.
Later that night, with JD curled against his side and a feeling of peace finally filling his chest; Perry whispered his first genuine thanks to Bob Kelso. He had a feeling that wherever Bobo was, the old man was gloating to the nearest person about this final one-upping of Perry. And truthfully, Perry didn’t mind letting him have it.
THE END
X-posted to scrubsfic and jd_cox
Chapter: 5/5
Author: nighthawkms (beta'd by emilys_knickers)
Genre: AR Future Fic, Angst
Warnings: Explicit content, obscenity
Pairing:(s) JD/Cox
Summary: Perry returns to Sacred Heart after five years to try and tie up loose ends. The problem is, those ends don't seem to want to stay tied down. Future takes place approx. "Season 9".
Disclaimer: Scrubs is the property of Bill Lawrence and NBC. I make no claims to ownership, I'm just playing in the 'verse.
Part 2 Theme: Since You've Been Gone- Theory of a Deadman
Notes: The finale! Bon appetit! Thanks for sticking with me through this!
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Perry really didn’t know why he was standing there. When JD had confessed his continuing love to him at the bar, he should’ve just gone to Jordan’s, picked up his things, and fled back to his new life.
Instead he was outside of JD’s door, pounding his fist into the wood.
“Go away, Perry!” How- damn peephole, Perry thought, punching the door again. “I can’t do this!”
“Open the door, Newbie, or so help me god, I will-“ The door opened so fast that he almost punched JD in the face.
“What did you call me?” Perry saw a man breaking down before him, breathing heavily, eyes wide and filled with some sort of wonder. Still, it didn’t keep him from lashing out at JD.
“What, are you offended? Am I not showing you respect?” Perry sneered. “Because frankly, you’ll always be a newbie compared to me, so get used to it.”
JD glared slightly. “So if I’m such a newbie, why did you leave? Why didn’t you stay to teach me more?”
“We went over this a hundred-“
“No, Perry.” JD folded his arms and stood firm in the doorway. “I want the truth. Why did you abandon me? How the hell did that make things better for any of us?”
Perry growled, a lock in his mind snapping. “Fine, you want to know?” he spat out, shoving past JD into the apartment. He really didn’t want to carry this conversation in the hallway, it’s not like he was interested in what JD’s place looked like. However, he did take the time to note that it looked a lot less like a college dorm now, and more like a proper living space.
“Well?”
Perry turned and faced JD. “Did you ever stop to think that I was leaving not just for my sake, but for yours? And no, let me explain,” he said, holding up a hand when JD started to speak. “Do you think that anybody would’ve respected you as a doctor if I had stayed? JD, you would’ve been seen as my little boy-toy; ‘Dr. Cox’s pet.’ Everything you accomplished would have been seen as nothing more than the result of my coaching.”
“But you did teach me.”
“There’s a difference between being your mentor and being your boyfriend,” Perry said with a sigh. “You were already an independent, competent doctor by the time we hooked up; but people wouldn’t have seen you as such if they knew you always had me to fall back on.”
“So you left for me. There was absolutely no reason otherwise. That’s bullshit.”
“Of course that’s not the only reason.” Perry was staring very hard down at the side table by the couch, not wanting to meet JD’s eyes for what he said next. “Truth be told… I was scared. I’d hurt you so badly; I thought you’d never forgive me. And I didn’t want to be reminded every day of what I’d done to you by seeing you at work.”
“You… idiot.” Perry looked up to see JD leaning back against the shut door, staring at the ground. “I loved you. If you had come back instead of running away without even saying goodbye, I would’ve forgiven you in a heartbeat.”
“You don’t mean that.”
JD suddenly stepped forward, grabbing the lapels of Perry’s jacket and pulling his face closer. “You better fucking believe I mean it!” And then JD pressed their lips together again for the first time in five years.
Memories of smells and tastes and the feeling of JD under him came rushing back to Perry’s mind, and before he knew what he was doing, he’d pressed JD back against the wall, desperately ravishing the younger man’s mouth while he lost the last of his control. JD let out a strangled moan and opened his mouth to Perry’s waiting tongue, grasping the older man’s shoulders with his fingers.
When they finally broke apart, Perry rested his forehead against JD’s, panting for breath. “Okay,” he gasped, “I think I believe you, JD.”
“Call me Newbie.”
Perry lifted his head, looking down at JD in confusion. “What?”
“Do you know how much I’ve missed you calling me that? Carla tried it once for a day to try and cheer me up; I ended up yelling at her and getting suspended for a week.”
“You’re kidding. No, you’re not, are you?” Perry smirked slightly as JD’s grin turned a little sheepish. “Alright then… Newbie?” JD was grinning, but something still didn’t seem right to Perry. The entire situation was just… off.
JD pulled him back into another kiss, and Perry tried to get into it, gasping out an, “oh, Newbie,” when the other man began kissing and gently biting up and down Perry’s neck.
“Again,” he heard JD moan, drawing up to press his lips back on Perry’s. “I want it… need it… need to be your Newbie again…”
A jolt of realization hit Perry’s mind, and he suddenly pulled away, gasping and wide eyed, holding JD away from him by the shoulders. “JD, you’re-“
“Newbie, Perry, please!”
“JD-“
“New-”
“JD!” Perry shouted, shaking the other man’s shoulders. “You’re not a newbie anymore! I can’t call you that; it doesn’t feel right. You’ve changed; I’ve changed. It’s been five years; I’m not the same person you fell in love with!”
Oh god, this wasn’t happening. But JD wasn’t Newbie anymore. Perry didn’t know what he was.
“Yes you are!” JD shouted at him, now seeming to realize what Perry was saying. “We may have changed somewhat, Perry, but it doesn’t mean that the things we found in each other to love are gone! I don’t care what’s changed; you’re still you!”
But Perry wasn’t listening; he couldn’t think. He needed to get away; needed to figure out what was going on; where they were going, and maybe who he was now.
He stepped back, leaving JD standing in the middle of his living room. “But I don’t know if you’re still the you that I loved, and I need to figure that out.”
Then he was gone, running out the door, JD’s scream of frustration echoing behind him.
~
“Jordan, I gave him up for you! For us!”
“I don’t give a damn, Perry. You’ve fucked with my heart for the last time. One of us is moving out, because we’re done.”
“I just left him to get you back; I’m not losing you now!”
“Well tough luck. You don’t love me, Perry. You haven’t for ages. And if you loved him, you’re an asshole for kicking him to the curb for me.”
She slammed the door behind her, and the finality of it all set in on Perry.
~
It was raining again; the clouds that had cleared up right after the wake were back again, pouring buckets of water down onto the city as Perry ran, splashing down the streets en route to the cemetery.
Any plans of entrance were cut off, however, when he got to the gates and saw that they were locked tight.
“Open the hell up!” Perry shouted, banging on the metal bars before sagging against them.
He needed to get inside; needed to find Kelso’s grave again, dig the man up, and beat the shit out of his dead corpse for doing this to Perry. He’d lost his mind; everything he’d worked for over the past five years was ruined.
All the pain he’d pushed away had flooded back. All the memories of JD’s desperate phone calls, begging him to come back, were fresh in his mind. At least the shoebox was gone; he’d left it at JD’s apartment. But getting rid of that had come with the cost of everything else coming to the surface.
And on top of that, new pain was flooding in from having to flee JD’s apartment tonight. New memories were filled with JD’s shouts as Perry ran away again, as cowardly and afraid as the last time.
God, I haven’t changed at all; I’m still a horrible bastard who lets his fear overpower him.
Perry sank to the ground, staring up into the rain and cursing himself for doing this again; for making the same mistakes as last time. Nothing changed; even if he was older, he was still in essence the same crabby bastard who had first walked into Sacred Heart almost twenty years ago.
And then he realized something. If he was the same, then why would JD not be?
It was such a simple answer; it couldn’t be the truth. Could it?
Perry looked back and compared the JD he’d known over the past few days to the one he’d known in the past. They were both overly optimistic, caring, and not completely sure of themselves.
The JD of today was a little wiser and a little more jaded, but the carefree, fun-loving attitude was still hidden there; Perry would bet his life that despite the professional haircut and “Doctor Dorian” title, JD was still the man who would chest-bump Turk after a successful surgery, share musical tastes with Elliot, and keep an intense rivalry with the Janitor.
Suddenly, Perry didn’t want to be in front of this cemetery anymore. He wasn’t living in the past; he was living in the present, and the present was waiting for him to step up. So he stood and ran back down the street, hoping that JD could forgive him one more time.
~
He hadn’t really forgotten to give the things back to JD that were in the shoebox. He wanted that last connection, so that maybe someday, someday…
~
“JD!”
Perry had been pounding on the door for a good ten minutes now, and there was still no response. He was amazed that none of the neighbors had come out into the hall to yell at him. It wouldn’t have dissuaded him; he would break down the door soon if he had to.
“JD, I’m going to break this door down; please listen to me!”
Still no answer. Perry slammed his fist onto the wood and rested his forehead on it, biting down on his lip to keep from screaming in frustration. He needed to get in there; he couldn’t let any more time pass, or he feared that JD would never give him another chance.
Well, if JD wasn’t going to let him in to speak, he’d do it in the hall.
“JD… you’re not a newbie anymore. You’re not!” he shouted through the door, eyes shut in concentration. “I can’t call you that anymore, because that name isn’t worthy of the respect you deserve! And… you were right. You’re not exactly the same person, and neither am I. But I don’t want to be with the old JD, because I’m not the old Perry. I’d rather find out what the new JD is like, because he is who I love, no matter what little things have changed.”
Perry listened for a sound, anything telling him if JD had heard what he’d said. His heart jumped at the sound of footsteps, and then the door was yanked out from under him, causing him to fall forward and collapse against the person who opened it.
Perry opened his eyes to see JD lying under him, looking up at him with a wondering adoration Perry had never seen before.
“I swear to god, if you’re fucking with me, I’ll never forgive you.”
“I wouldn’t blame you,” Perry said, leaning down. He caught JD’s mouth with his own, and twisted his fingers into the younger man’s hair, pleasantly surprised at the lack of oily product in it. One point to new JD, he thought as the younger man wrapped his arms around Perry’s waist and pulled him tight.
Later that night, with JD curled against his side and a feeling of peace finally filling his chest; Perry whispered his first genuine thanks to Bob Kelso. He had a feeling that wherever Bobo was, the old man was gloating to the nearest person about this final one-upping of Perry. And truthfully, Perry didn’t mind letting him have it.
THE END
X-posted to scrubsfic and jd_cox