(no subject)
time: 11:25pm
location: papasan chair next to the window
weather: post unexpected rainfall
this could very well be a long post. i'm updating only for something to do. i haven't been sleeping again.
it's been 3 nights in a row. in october, i think it was, i went a month without having a full night's sleep. by that i mean
1. couldn't fall asleep until hours after laying down and
2. waking up 2 to 3 times during the night after eventually falling asleep.
after two weeks, i began to get worried. trying to avoid serious "habit forming" solutions such as Tylenol PM or booze, i bought "sleepy time tea" and white chestnut oil. it was suggested to me by quay. the bottle reads "encourages a peaceful and calm mind when thoughts and worries go round and round in your head". you're supposed to put a few drops of it in your water. i bought some from wegmans. quay was mad that i didn't steal it, because it's over-priced. i told her i'm incapable of stealing and she just smiled and shook her head at me.
any how, those things might have helped a little bit but in the end...i think i just started to forget about what i was thinking of so much.
and i continued to be fine until what used to to make me anxious honked at me a few weeks ago. i know it sounds terribly vague and no, i don't want to be more descriptive. however, it was not a goose.
the anxiety is not about moving. it's not about grad school. it's something ridiculous and i shouldn't waste my energy on it. the worst part is i don't even do it on purpose. i'm not hoping for anything. i don't expect a goddamned thing. but it's always where my minds ends up and it makes me so angry.
we had a meeting for the camping trip, tonight. there are possibly 16 of us going camping in the Adirondacks (Adirondacks, Zach!) in two weekends. it's going to be hardcore. i think it's called "giant mountain" or something. i'm excited.
tomorrow is my "moms and daughters" day, apparently. manaslu and prajita. sunshine and madison. i get to take madison to dinner while her mom does something else. i think i'm going to try and get her to work on a photo project with me. she's going home (california) for 6 weeks and sunshine is really going to miss her. sunshine's birthday is in the middle of july so i might try and take a nice portrait of madison and develop it for her. plus i'm giving her a scarf i made. plus a few cds. ... :)
i tried one last time, just in case.
just in case it was real.
i hoped that it was but begn to doubt it.
all that had to be said was that it was fake.
whether it's true or not...it would have helped.
location: papasan chair next to the window
weather: post unexpected rainfall
this could very well be a long post. i'm updating only for something to do. i haven't been sleeping again.
it's been 3 nights in a row. in october, i think it was, i went a month without having a full night's sleep. by that i mean
1. couldn't fall asleep until hours after laying down and
2. waking up 2 to 3 times during the night after eventually falling asleep.
after two weeks, i began to get worried. trying to avoid serious "habit forming" solutions such as Tylenol PM or booze, i bought "sleepy time tea" and white chestnut oil. it was suggested to me by quay. the bottle reads "encourages a peaceful and calm mind when thoughts and worries go round and round in your head". you're supposed to put a few drops of it in your water. i bought some from wegmans. quay was mad that i didn't steal it, because it's over-priced. i told her i'm incapable of stealing and she just smiled and shook her head at me.
any how, those things might have helped a little bit but in the end...i think i just started to forget about what i was thinking of so much.
and i continued to be fine until what used to to make me anxious honked at me a few weeks ago. i know it sounds terribly vague and no, i don't want to be more descriptive. however, it was not a goose.
the anxiety is not about moving. it's not about grad school. it's something ridiculous and i shouldn't waste my energy on it. the worst part is i don't even do it on purpose. i'm not hoping for anything. i don't expect a goddamned thing. but it's always where my minds ends up and it makes me so angry.
we had a meeting for the camping trip, tonight. there are possibly 16 of us going camping in the Adirondacks (Adirondacks, Zach!) in two weekends. it's going to be hardcore. i think it's called "giant mountain" or something. i'm excited.
tomorrow is my "moms and daughters" day, apparently. manaslu and prajita. sunshine and madison. i get to take madison to dinner while her mom does something else. i think i'm going to try and get her to work on a photo project with me. she's going home (california) for 6 weeks and sunshine is really going to miss her. sunshine's birthday is in the middle of july so i might try and take a nice portrait of madison and develop it for her. plus i'm giving her a scarf i made. plus a few cds. ... :)
i tried one last time, just in case.
just in case it was real.
i hoped that it was but begn to doubt it.
all that had to be said was that it was fake.
whether it's true or not...it would have helped.