Lost?
During times of change you also face the feeling of being lost. Caught in the balance of letting go and reaching out for something new, it can feel as if things are slipping away, out of your control, you have to leave some things behind in order to move forward. Letting go can be hard.
I find myself lately floundering. Awkwardly trying to maintain contact with friends and relatives and finding that maybe some of my past acquaintences and friendships have slipped too far from my reach. It is during these times I try to remind myself that any relationship goes both ways though. As adults I feel like it is harder to keep in touch--despite the abundance of social media and cell phones--to genuinely stay connected can feel a challenge.
Social Media in general wears on me sometimes. I find myself using it as a crutch lately, the way I used to use livejournal so long ago. I'm using it as a way to reach out and connect, but not in a fulfilling way. I think this also harbors the need to be accepted, to get approval. If no one "likes" your post does it still exist? Does it mean your opinion, feelings or thoughts were unheard? Unanswered? Unimportant? Or does it just mean that everyone is busy working and Facebook is busy filling up newsfeeds with crap that your post get hidden?
Why do I feel lost?
In part I think much of it has to do with what many people around my age are going through at the moment "What am I doing with my life?" questions and feeling like we aren't where we imagined we would be. I can't help but think of Jennifer Garner in "13 Going on 30," wishing to be "Thirty, Flirty and Thriving" like the women in her favorite fashion magazine. Even when she had everything she thought she wanted she realized she didn't. Not everyone is as lucky to find some magic wishing dust and get a do over. We only have this one life.
One thing I have found most important during this time of self reflection is to actually look at what you HAVE accomplished up to this point. Literally write down how amazing and awesome you are (even if you don't believe it) and you will be surprised by how much you have actually gone through, survived, and accomplished thus far in life. It is a lot. You are worthy and respected, there is someone out there who cares about you, even if they do not "like" everything you post on the internet.
Friendships seem to get harder as you get older. People tend to think I'm crazy if I walk up to them and tell them "Hey, you're awesome, we should be friends." What worked in the 3rd grade doesn't really apply today. Though, I do have a friendship that started over sharing pirate coloring book pages. So, sometimes it still works. As you get older friends, real friends, will understand if you are not always able to keep up with texting, phone calls, e-mails or letters. You can always pick up where you left off when life settles down and it is as if things never changed. The hard part is maintaining friendships during these tumultuous times of uncertainty in our lives. Who are we? What do we want? How do we get it? How do we keep it? Is there even an it? What if we get it and then realize we don't want it afterall? Tough stuff. I think sometimes we get so focused on what we are chasing, we lose touch with just living in the moment and being with who we want to, doing what we want to do.
During times when you feel lost in your life there comes the danger of comparison. Comparison is a happiness sucking trap, some people seem to have their shit together, a house, a car, a marriage, kids, a job. You can't feel bad about yourself for not having what someone else has. Maybe you need to take a step back and ask yourself: "Do I even want any of those things?"
One thing is for certain, I've started to realize even if I don't always know what I want out of life, I do know what I don't want in life. Process of elimination can help you see what you do want when you stop being so negative. When I think I know what I want out of life, and even when I don't, I go back and read old journals about my hopes and dreams and see what still sticks. What did you want to be when you grew up? Do you still want to be that? Go be it. Are you where you thought you would be? Do you still want to be there? Maybe not, and that's fine too.
Feeling lost seems to be going around, and I think many of us are not as lost as we think we are. We are not as alone in this world or in our experiences. We are too close to see the big picture. Take a step back, take a deep breath. Relax. Being lost can help you find what you're looking for, or teach you a shortcut, or you'll find a scenic route you didn't know existed. You don't have to have life figured out right now. I had a professor in college who said that an artist spends his/her entire life trying to chase something it can't quite catch. They may get very close, but they will never actually catch it. I feel like that is also a good metaphor for life. The chase keeps things interesting.
So, to all those who are also feeling lost, let's get lost together and see what we discover. Let's chase after those wild ambitions and dreams and see how close we get to capturing them.