life in general
Days like today are frustrating. At work I think 'I'm glad I'm moving...' In the evening I'm thinking 'why does everything good have to happen now? Why not a year or two ago?' Of course this has to do with me meeting people that make me wish I weren't moving. There just isn't really any opportunity for me in this town but at the same time brings bigger questions along like what are your priorities really? Does it make any sense to stick around in town for a CHANCE with some people even though the odds are against you rather than follow your dreams and move? Or do differing dreams or goals compete against each-other now, seeing which has priority at the moment? What makes you think you wouldn't meet other people over in Seattle, anyway? What it all boils down to is a certain step towards a career goal competing with a chance towards an eventual personal one. It makes no sense to stay (and I never entertained the thought despite what it may look like here - these are just questions for thought).
Some things we'll never understand, like timing. Why all this fun and possibility now, literally a month away from my move-out date. Is something truely different now, or what is really going on here. What I think is going on is just like when I was in California for a few months last year. Everything was temporary and I had short-timer syndrome the entire time I was there. No pressures, no worrying about the future there. That is where I am now and where I would like to stay. The other piece though, the exposure to different individuals is more complicated and has been a problem essentially the whole time I've been in San Antonio. Maybe it's because I'm out more, that it's 11:30 and I need to get to sleep because I'm up in 6 hours but that really doesn't matter becuse coming in to work tomorrow tired isn't so much a problem. In other words, I'm out doing things I wouldn't have ordinarially done.
That brings me to a bigger point though, and one which I feel I have limited control over which is how to get involved over there. It took a year of not doing much here before I came across the place where I met most of those who I know and will miss so much. The prospects of doing that for another year don't look fun and I'm hoping that it's something that doesn't happen again. But this time around I know more so hopefully things will be different.
Another question though is where has my time in San Antonio gone and what do I have to show for it? The house and car, of course along with much nicer things inside the house than when I came. I'm in exactly the same shape as I was when I got here but other than physical things and email addresses or other contact information for friends what do I really take away from San Antonio? And more importantly, what that will last? That I don't have the answer to and there's always the one in a million shot that there's more to come. I'll try to spare the boring 'talked to the realtor today...' and 'so... more boxes and packing...' stuff.
Some things we'll never understand, like timing. Why all this fun and possibility now, literally a month away from my move-out date. Is something truely different now, or what is really going on here. What I think is going on is just like when I was in California for a few months last year. Everything was temporary and I had short-timer syndrome the entire time I was there. No pressures, no worrying about the future there. That is where I am now and where I would like to stay. The other piece though, the exposure to different individuals is more complicated and has been a problem essentially the whole time I've been in San Antonio. Maybe it's because I'm out more, that it's 11:30 and I need to get to sleep because I'm up in 6 hours but that really doesn't matter becuse coming in to work tomorrow tired isn't so much a problem. In other words, I'm out doing things I wouldn't have ordinarially done.
That brings me to a bigger point though, and one which I feel I have limited control over which is how to get involved over there. It took a year of not doing much here before I came across the place where I met most of those who I know and will miss so much. The prospects of doing that for another year don't look fun and I'm hoping that it's something that doesn't happen again. But this time around I know more so hopefully things will be different.
Another question though is where has my time in San Antonio gone and what do I have to show for it? The house and car, of course along with much nicer things inside the house than when I came. I'm in exactly the same shape as I was when I got here but other than physical things and email addresses or other contact information for friends what do I really take away from San Antonio? And more importantly, what that will last? That I don't have the answer to and there's always the one in a million shot that there's more to come. I'll try to spare the boring 'talked to the realtor today...' and 'so... more boxes and packing...' stuff.