Brotherhood (19b/27)
Title: Brotherhood ( Table of Contents)
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Nothing you recognize is mine. I gain nothing of material value from this.
Pairings: Gen
Chapter1 Chapter2a-- 2b Chapter3 Chapter4 Chapter5 Chapter6 Chapter7 Chapter8 Chapter9 Chapter10a-- 10b Chapter11 Chapter12 Chapter13a-- 13b Chapter14 Chapter15 Chapter16a-- 16b Chapter17a-- 17b Chapter18 Chapter19a-- 19b
17 January 2000; Major Ferretti's Office, SGC; 1100 hrs
"Do you have a minute, Major?" Daniel asked as he knocked on Ferretti's open door.
"Yeah, sure," Ferretti said, standing and waving him in. "What do you need?"
"Well," he said, "this is...kind of...it's not to do with work. I just...have a question, and I'd ask Robert or Sam, but he's away and she's a little, uh..."
"Overworked?" Ferretti suggested. "Yeah, so I hear. Go ahead, ask away."
Daniel pushed up his glasses and said quickly, "I went to Jack's house, and there were bills in the mail, and I don't know how people usually pay for them, so...I mean, I'll take care of them, but I was wondering if you could just help me...learn how it works. Sorry to bother you, but I don't know...uh."
Ferretti's eyebrows had shot up. "You sure you can cover it? If he misses a few payments while he's on duty, I'm sure it can be reimbursed later."
"It'll be less for him to deal with if--when he gets back, so there'll be power in the house and everything," Daniel said. "Besides, I'm living there, too, and it's not like I actually use money for much of anything most of the time--I should be able to cover a few months." And if this went on for more than a few months...well, that probably wouldn't happen. A lot of things would have to change if it did.
"Do you have an account somewhere?" Ferretti said.
"Yes, Jack set it up months ago--it's like Teal'c's, and everything goes in automatically, so I've never actually dealt with it before..." He dug out the papers he'd gone to Accounting to request that morning. "You don't mind?"
"He's my friend, too," Ferretti pointed out. "You know, anytime you need a ride to his house or anything else, just ask me, all right? C'mere, sit--it's not that complicated. Mostly, you just need to sort out the papers and find which numbers are the important ones."
...x...
Later, Ferretti said, "SG-12's translator has a bad case of pneumonia."
"Yeah, I heard," Daniel said, putting all the papers away. Captain Dertram was one of the Egyptian specialists, and Daniel had spent the last night finishing one of his more time-sensitive projects.
"Well, we were gonna sit out until he was better, but all the first-contact teams are stretched a little thin without SG-1," Ferretti said. "We can go it without him, but are there any other translators free who are approved for general exploration? There's a planet we were supposed to check out the day after tomorrow..."
Daniel grimaced. "None available at the moment, aside from me. Like you said, everyone's busy. Um...I can ask some of the civilians if they're willing. Or SG-14 is due back in a few days, I think. If you can wait, Lieutenant Astor's area of specialty is close to Captain Dertram's, and they're a second-line team, so their schedule might still be fairly light."
"Well, that just means someone else'll want Astor when she gets back," Ferretti said, narrowing his eyes. "You're approved? What am I saying--you were with SG-1. Of course you are."
"You want me to go with you?" Daniel said, surprised, but eager, too--if he'd been restless on Abydos, it was worse to sit on base and be useless, knowing Jack wouldn't be there for months, at least, if he was alive at all.
Not that Jack was dead.
Besides, he knew Ferretti and had served as many or more missions under the major's command, back in the early days, as he had under Jack. Teal'c was still taking missions with other teams if they requested extra manpower; maybe Daniel could do the same until his team was back together.
"If you're allowed, sure," Ferretti was saying. "MALP showed Egyptian hieroglyphs, which I know you know."
Daniel nodded. "I'd love to. But, uh...will the others on your team mind?"
Ferretti shrugged. "Nah. I'll vouch for you."
XXXXX
19 January 2000; P3T-314; 0900 hrs
Daniel started the trip with SG-12 already grumpy from a headache that he hadn't had enough time to drown with caffeine, but he made an effort to be particularly polite. He hadn't worked with Ferretti since the man had commanded SG-2, and by the time SG-12 had formed, Daniel had already started gravitating toward SG-1--these men didn't know him personally at all.
The first thing he learned with SG-12 was that the last time many people had heard from him, there had been rumors that he'd read something until he went insane, stolen a Tok'ra cargo ship to blow up Hell, and gotten deported to Abydos after being convicted at a Tollan trial. Everyone knew that was twisted somewhere, of course, but not everyone knew where, and even the truth wasn't exactly simple.
The second thing he learned was that Ferretti had very sharp ears for people whispering about rumors. The rest of SG-12 learned this at the same time that Daniel did.
"Sorry about them," Ferretti told Daniel, scowling at Lieutenant Whalley and Captain Haller once the other two stopped talking quietly among themselves.
Where were all the people on this planet? They'd been finding tracks that Haller said were fairly recent, as well as a couple of artifacts that were clearly manmade, but they'd passed the first set of footprints nearly three hours ago and hadn't found anyone yet.
"They're not completely wrong," Daniel allowed, looking around. "Besides, Jack says I need to grow another several years before people stop looking at me sideways just on principle."
Ferretti laughed. "I think they'll still be looking at you sideways when you're forty. You take some getting used to, Jackson." He slowed and dropped his smile. "Hey, what's that thing mean? That's gotta be a sign of life around here."
Daniel looked to where Ferretti was pointing, then sucked in an alarmed breath when he saw the symbol. "Korosh-ni. The Mask of Korosh-ni. We have to get out of here--we have to go back!"
"What?" Whalley said. "Why?"
"The...the...the atmosphere," Daniel said. "Radiation, and...uh...something. I don't know the details, but Major, we really have to leave. That symbol means they poisoned the atmosphere."
"Shit," said Haller, who had taken out a meter and was staring at its readout. "He's right, sir, the radiation levels are--"
"Let's go," Ferretti ordered, not waiting to hear the rest. "Back to the 'gate!"
...x...
"That was anticlimactic," Daniel said as he and SG-12 sat around the infirmary.
"That was lucky that you didn't stay any longer," Janet admonished. "All of your blood counts are lower than I'd like, but you should be fine in a few days--you probably won't even feel anything. Just in case, check in here every day until your counts are back to normal."
"But we have another mission in four days," Haller said.
"And if your blood counts are up by then," Janet said, "you can go. I'd like you all to rest as much as possible for the rest of the day, at least."
The general was standing by, too, and asked Ferretti, "Any idea exactly what happened?"
"Not really, sir," Ferretti said. "The people must've lived some distance from the 'gate; they might've died of radiation poisoning or whatever else in their homes without knowing what was happening. What was the symbol...the mask of...?"
Daniel rubbed the back of his neck. "The Mask of Korosh-ni. It's the same one that Teal'c identified on P3R-233," he added to General Hammond. "Apparently, it's a common code among the Serpent Guards--"
"Apophis," the general said grimly. "He's starting his attacks again."
"But other Goa'uld and Jaffa know the symbol, too, so we can't be sure which one was there."
The general nodded. "We'll lock that address out of the system, then."
"Doc, what about him?" Ferretti said, looking worriedly at Daniel. "He's had a headache--"
"I'm still getting used to the twenty-four-hour days again," Daniel interrupted. "That's all."
Later, when everyone had left, Janet caught Daniel's arm and said, "Are these stress headaches?" Daniel shrugged uncomfortably. "I know you might be having a hard time with Colonel O'Neill away," she said, "but don't overwork, get enough sleep... You know the drill. He'd tell you the same."
"I'm okay," he insisted.
Firmly, Janet said, "I can't have you and Sam competing to see who'll collapse first. If nothing else, then for my sake, just be responsible. All right?" Hearing it in that light, Daniel nodded and made himself lie down in his quarters to try to sleep.
XXXXX
10 February 2000; Archaeology Office, SGC; 1400 hrs
Daniel looked up when someone walked into the office. "Hi," Cameron Balinsky said, moving to scan the shelves.
"H'lo," Daniel mumbled back, but every time he tried to focus on Ra's Ancient tablet--on which he was still making only small and intermittent progress--he found himself glancing up at the back of the archaeologist's head.
Finally, Cameron turned self-consciously and said, "What?"
"Nothing," he said quickly. "Well, no, actually...you were there during the Edora fire rain, yeah?"
"Yeah," Cameron said, paling. He looked a little sick at the reminder, and Daniel remembered that the man was still in his trial period for fieldwork. "I--there was nothing we could do--"
"No, right, I know, but...I'm not blaming you or anything. I just. Cameron, can I ask you something?"
His expression serious, the archaeologist nodded. "'Course."
"Do you think it's possible?" Daniel asked. Sam and Teal'c...he trusted them, of course, but they were less than objective in this case. He wanted--needed--to hear it from someone else. "I mean, do you think Colonel O'Neill's alive?"
"It...it's definitely possible," Cameron said, and Daniel made sure he didn't allow his relief to show. "Teal'c and I found some caves--there were layers that showed a cyclic pattern of meteor strikes and evidence that people have survived it in the past."
"Okay." He took a deep breath and let it release slowly. This had happened before, and people had survived. Jack was good at surviving. "Good. Uh, was their language similar to anything?"
"Try Proto-Celtic," Cameron said, relaxing into the discussion. "Some Italic influence. You want to learn it?" Daniel nodded. "I'll send you a copy of my cultural and linguistic report and point you to some references. Our refugees were sent to the Land of Light until Edora's dug out, too--if you want, you can come with me next time I go to check on them."
"Thank you," Daniel said gratefully.
"Actually, did you want to take over that duty, since you're back? It's just checking in with them every so often to make sure they don't need anything. I'm working more closely with Colonel Dixon for permanent assignment these days, and we're getting busier than usual. I mean, just if you want," he added. "I can do it."
"No, I can do that," Daniel assured him. "Thanks, Cameron."
When Cameron returned the book to the shelf an hour later, Daniel said, "Can I ask your opinion on something? Does 'city of the lost' hold any particular meaning to you?"
"Not...really. Like a city of lost people?" Cameron said. "Dead, or directionally challenged?"
Daniel made a face at the tablet. "There's something about a 'contagio,' which I'm thinking..."
"Sickness, plague," Cameron filled in. "Yeah, I'm gonna say that's not a good city."
"Right," Daniel said, but he wasn't completely convinced of that. Certainly, the tablet implied it was something significant--well, if he was reading it right, anyway, which was a big assumption. But there had to be a reason Ra had been interested in it. "And then it says the people...they..."
"They what?"
"They...something," he sighed. "Akieetenti. Even that might not be right--the tablet's worn, and I'm not even sure of which letters are on it."
"I have no idea what that is, sorry," Cameron said. "Maybe it's accendere. They...went up. Maybe they took up rock climbing."
Daniel snorted. "Right. Well, thanks anyway."
"Sure," Cameron said. "Next Monday, Edoran refugees, okay?"
"Okay. Thank you," Daniel said again, then went back to work.
XXXXX
4 March 2000; PK4-297; 1700 hrs
"I don't get it," Captain Freeman said as Daniel and SG-2 trudged back after three days of looking for anything and finding nothing. The Stargate was just coming into view.
"Maybe everyone abandoned the planet," Captain Griff suggested halfheartedly, then raised an eyebrow in Daniel's direction. "So much for needing a translator, huh."
"Yeah," Daniel said. He'd been glad to be asked to fill the injured Captain Pierce's spot but was now disappointed at having found no one. "I don't get it, either. Didn't it look like--"
"Get down!" Major Coburn yelled. They dropped immediately to the ground. A staff blast sizzled on a rock behind Captain Griff, and Daniel looked around hurriedly to see whether to rise to his feet or crawl. "Ambush! Back to the 'gate!"
Staff weapons were priming around them, and Jaffa were appearing out of nowhere, closing in as if to stop them from reaching the Stargate.
Not enough, though, to have them totally surrounded. The Jaffa's numbers were too sparse not to take the chance and sprint.
Daniel reached down to his thigh and pulled his weapon as he ran, turning to the closest target. He only realized what he was doing when one of his bullets struck an unprotected face, and then it was red and splatters and an agonized scream, and a man was dead on the ground.
He froze in shock for an instant, and then a hand pulled him behind a large rock.
"Nice shot, kid," Captain Freeman said. Before he could answer, Freeman rose a few inches, shooting over the top of their cover before ducking back behind it. "Stay down, watch our backs," Freeman said, then rose and fired again.
Daniel glanced out from around Freeman to see Coburn and Griff spread out as well, not quite as close to the Stargate as he and Freeman were...and then rustling sounds made him turn, raising his gun before he could think, and--one, two, three shots--another Jaffa down. Not dead, but shot in the hip where Teal'c had shown him a weak spot between the armored plates, and Daniel stared at the man writhing only meters from him and thought he should end it, because a lamed Jaffa would be left for dead by his comrades anyway but could still pick up a staff weapon and fight. He didn't know when he'd pulled the trigger, but suddenly there was a spray of blood patterning the Jaffa's face and Daniel was staring at a dead man instead of a wounded one.
"Sir," Freeman yelled into his radio, "we can't hold them!"
Griff's voice crackled back, "I don't have a clear path to the DHD, but I can make a run for it!"
Another Jaffa to the side made Daniel turn--Cronus, he noticed, distracted by the tattoo and striking only unyielding armor once, twice, until Freeman's bullets joined his and the black Cronus tattoo was ground into the dirt. Someone was dead behind that one, and Daniel didn't even know if he'd shot him by accident or if Freeman had done it.
"Major, give me the word!" Griff again, sounding almost irritated now, which meant he was seconds away from taking the initiative, orders or no. He'd take the chance--of course he would; he was Griff--but it was the wrong choice, tactically. Coburn was hesitating, because he had to know it, too.
"Sir, I'll go," Daniel heard himself volunteer, not sure when he'd reached up to his radio. "I can get to the DHD!"
"I'm ready to go, sir!" Griff added. His head appeared from behind his cover long enough to meet Daniel's eyes.
The choice was made now, and Daniel threw back, "Sir, I'm a worse shot and a better sprinter!"
"Jackson, get ready to move," Coburn ordered, no time to argue or squabble when the Jaffa were moving closer, spreading out, snaking behind their meager cover... "On my mark, stay low and run--everyone cover him. I repeat, cover fire! Mark!"
Daniel dashed out from behind his rock, hearing the others begin to fire all at once as he sprinted.
"Jackson!" Griff bellowed just as he'd almost reached the device.
Daniel dropped to the side without a second thought, then threw an arm over his eyes to protect them as the staff blast exploded against the base of the DHD just in front of his face.
Someone was yelling as he grabbed the DHD rim, pulling himself just high enough to reach and dial Earth's familiar address as much by touch as by sight and slap a palm on the crystal. The vortex whooshed outward, and Daniel scrambled behind the DHD, knowing it was a little safer there--any trained Jaffa would hesitate in shooting rather than risk damaging the DHD.
"Go!" Freeman's voice said through the radio. "Iris is op--agh!" Daniel peeked out in time to see Freeman's form tumble backward.
"Fire in the hole!" Coburn's voice said. Not having seen where or what or when, Daniel nonetheless ducked back down, covering his head with his arms. A grenade exploded in the distance, and when Daniel looked back up, there was a brief silence and smoke and some fire and many more Jaffa lying still on the ground than before--
A sound made him twist around in the other direction to see a staff weapon aimed no more than a foot from his chest with more Jaffa emerging from farther back. Unthinkingly, he flung himself to the side and raised his pistol at the same time, pulling the trigger even as he saw the Jaffa fire his staff weapon.
From so close, the energy blast left him dazzled and half-blinded. Something slammed fire hot into his leg, and then something heavy crushed the right side of his body into the ground--gods, it was wet and hot, a Jaffa was bleeding to death on his arm, and he still couldn't really see, but unless he'd wounded the symbiote, he had to get out before the symbiote got him, get out get out get out--
Daniel blinked watering eyes and tugged hard on his pinned arm, pushing away with his free hand and trying to shove the armored man off himself. Before he could see what was happening, the weight disappeared. Someone grabbed him roughly under the arm, and Daniel yelled, twisting away from the blurry form--
"It's me, it's me!" Griff yelled, still firing with one hand. Daniel stopped fighting and pushed himself up, except his left leg was trembling and refused to obey him, so he held on as tight as he could as Griff dragged him through the wormhole--
...x...
"Comin' in hot!" Griff called, still pulling Daniel along and finally lowering his gun. "We need medics!"
"Let go," Daniel said through gritted teeth, trying to take more of his own weight. The lights were even brighter in here, but the spots were slowly clearing from Daniel's eyes as the SGC 'gate room came into focus. "I can--"
"Shut up," Griff growled, then, "Down!"
Breath whooshed out of him as he was pushed forcibly to the ramp, Griff's body over his, but he didn't complain when he saw the staff blast fly over their heads to crash on the concrete behind them. No longer in the thick of the battle, he closed his eyes and felt pain in his left leg build until he had to clench his fists to keep from gasping aloud.
"Close the iris!" Major Coburn yelled as he came through, a limp form slung over his shoulders.
The iris closed. The wormhole disengaged.
"Get off," Daniel said, trying to squirm out from under Griff. "C-captain..."
"What've we got?" Janet said as her team rushed in, followed by the general. She ran an eye over all of them as Coburn began a quick report, then crouched at Freeman's side, leaving two medics to look after Daniel.
"This your blood, Mr. Jackson?" one of the medics said.
He had to look to see what she was pointing at. Then he remembered his right arm was sticky and red and wet, but while it ached, it didn't seem to be seriously hurt. "Not mine," he said, but by then, she'd already figured that out and moved on.
"I think it's his leg--I saw a staff blast," Griff said. "You get hit, Jackson?"
"Guess so," Daniel said. "But it doesn't feel that bad--" He broke off with a pained grimace as he shifted wrong against the metal. "Ow," he breathed, his leg burning and his head spinning. The medic carefully pulled away the charred cloth near Daniel's knee, and he bit his lip against the jolt of pain, turning away to ask, "What h-happened to Captain Freeman?"
"Staff blast to the chest--he's going to the sarcophagus," Coburn said, standing over him, and, sure enough, a still form was being wheeled away. "I need to--Jackson, you gonna be--?"
"I'm okay!" Daniel snapped. He sucked in a sharp breath, trying to ignore the pain that was starting to demand his attention. "Sir. Is Freeman dead? Go with--"
"Yeah," Coburn said, moving away toward his fallen teammate. "Be back to check on you."
"Get him up--on three," the medic said, and then people were bullying Daniel onto a gurney.
"Debrief?" he asked, trying to see the general and figure out what was going on. He winced as someone lifted his legs onto the gurney and told him to stop fighting them.
"Get to the infirmary," General Hammond said, sounding a little stunned.
...x...
It didn't take too long for Daniel to be patched and bandaged up. He'd had been given something to swallow that he realized a few minutes later was for pain, and Janet had injected something and taped a dressing over his leg, declaring it a much milder wound than it could have been before letting him clean up and change out of his dirty gear. Bruises were showing up over his arm where it had been pressed between Jaffa armor and the ground, but he still had full range of movement and Janet hadn't insisted on treating it.
By the time Freeman was healed and returned with Coburn, Griff and Daniel had gone over the mission with the general in the infirmary, which consisted essentially of three days of fruitless search and a few minutes of more excitement than they'd expected.
"Mr. Jackson?" the general said, in a tone that said he was repeating himself.
"What?" Daniel shook himself mentally. Coming on the heels of the mild fatigue of even simple missions, the fog that crept in after an adrenaline rush was creeping toward exhaustion that made him feel empty. "Uh, yes, sir, that's all."
"Then I think we're done here," he said. To SG-2, he said, "You're dismissed."
"Me too?" Daniel said, looking to Janet as the three men of SG-2 lingered. There was a muted throbbing above his knee, but he was getting annoyed by the guilty looks on all the officers' faces, although he suspected he'd feel something other than annoyance when the anesthetic wore off.
"Actually, I'd like to talk to you," the general said. Daniel leaned back carefully against the pillows on the bed behind him and tried not to feel apprehensive as SG-2 finally took their leave.
"Sir?" he said. When he glanced to one side, he saw Teal'c walk into the infirmary. All thoughts that Teal'c might be there for some reason other than Daniel disappeared when the Jaffa moved to stand next to the general at his bed. Janet moved discretely away.
"Are you all right, son?" the general said.
"Yes, sir," Daniel said as he touched his bandaged leg self-consciously. "Dr. Fraiser says I was lucky--I'll be fine within a couple of weeks. I can still walk, even." Not that he felt like doing that at the moment, judging by how fiercely even the smallest movements seemed to stretch the burned skin.
The general nodded. "Good to hear that. How about otherwise?"
Daniel looked between General Hammond and Teal'c, thinking that he wasn't the one who'd needed a sarcophagus and that this was the second time he'd seen Freeman's corpse being carried through the 'gate. There were quiet concerns whispering through the base that the sarcophagus's presence was making people more reckless, but even after witnessing Skaara's withdrawal, Daniel thought privately that people with those concerns should get dragged into a fight with several Jaffa and see if they were more excited about being shot just because they'd been shot once before. Besides, Freeman and everyone else knew that people killed off-world rarely made it to the sarcophagus. Daniel had seen corpses that couldn't be recovered from the field, too.
"This wasn't the first time I've been in a combat situation, if that's what you mean," Daniel said.
"Unfortunately, that's true," the general said with a sigh. "Mr. Jackson, have you had to kill a man before today?"
"Oh. That. I...don't know, sir," Daniel admitted.
The general seemed surprised by the answer, but Teal'c said quietly, "This was the first time you fired a weapon other than a zat'nik'tel in battle." Daniel nodded, plucking unhappily at the dressing until Teal'c firmly pushed his hand away.
"I shot a few Horus Guards on Kheb," Daniel said, shrinking into the bed, "but it was dark, and there were so many--I don't know if I zatted any of them twice. And on the mothership, there were a few, but I didn't check them, and I wasn't in the best frame of mind at the time; I'd just come out of the sarcophagus." General Hammond seemed to be looking for the right way to answer, so Daniel offered, "I don't consider this the first time I've taken a life, sir, if that helps."
The general exchanged a glance with Teal'c, then said, "How do you mean?"
With a jolt, Daniel realized that he'd known he shared responsibility for the loss of countless lives but that he'd rarely thought of it so explicitly. "I don't know that it matters whether I directly killed people, or tried and failed to kill, or helped other people to kill."
"Sometimes," the general said, "that does matter. I don't mean just the outcome or even the morality of the action; I mean how you think and feel about what happened."
"Yes, sir, I suppose so," Daniel admitted. He rubbed his arm where he'd washed off caked blood less than an hour ago, then stopped when he realized what he was doing. It felt different to pull the trigger himself and see a person fall, and while he could tell himself that there was no difference, from a moral standpoint, it still felt somehow worse.
"Obviously, with that leg, you'll be out of the field until Dr. Fraiser clears you. Given what you've faced before, and your past experiences with our psychiatrists," the general said carefully, "I'm not going to force you to speak with someone. I do strongly recommend it, however."
Daniel's first reflex was to deny he might need it or that there would be any consequences, but he couldn't afford to do that anymore. He'd never truly been on his own here, and while he still wasn't now, he couldn't just say something and know someone would be there to fix it, not with Jack gone and SG-1 barely existing and everyone else so busy. He had to be responsible now.
"I don't think I need to, sir," Daniel said honestly after careful consideration. "Can I just talk to Teal'c, instead, if I...you know, if I want to talk?"
"At any time, my friend," Teal'c told him, which made him feel a little better.
"And he can always ban me from the mission roster if he thinks I'm handling things badly, sir," Daniel said. "No one has more experience with things like this than Teal'c, and he knows me."
The general seemed reluctant to leave it there, but he nodded. "All right. And if you do want to talk, you can come to me, too--and you have a lot of other friends on this base."
"Thank you, sir," Daniel said. A thought struck him, and he added, "Sir? Are you going to--could you...not tell Major Carter? It's just...she has a lot to worry about already."
"Not much stays secret here for long," the general reminded him, but Daniel didn't mind that; Sam was so buried in work these days that if she hadn't been alerted by the alarms an hour ago, she probably wouldn't hear anything about Daniel's getting shot off-world for a while. "All right. Take care, son."
Daniel waited for the general to leave, then closed his eyes and slumped a little where he sat. The infirmary suddenly seemed strangely noisy, full of mechanical buzzing and the faint scrape of shoes. Even Teal'c's quiet breathing seemed loud. It was hard to think straight, and it was hard to stop thinking.
Oddly, Daniel's mind kept returning to one of the Jaffa--one in particular out of many--who had been killed just an hour ago. Had Daniel shot him? He hadn't meant to, though he could have done it accidentally by aiming for and missing that other Jaffa who had been in front (whom he had tried and failed to kill). Had it been Freeman's bullet? How could it matter when he would have tried to shoot the man anyway if he'd had the chance? Besides, he knew it had been too chaotic to remember the scene clearly; anything he thought he remembered now was just as likely to be something his mind had created to fill in the blanks.
If only he could stop thinking about it.
Teal'c took a step toward the bed. "Of what are you thinking, Daniel Jackson?"
"That...it doesn't matter if I've killed before or not; I've participated in killing," Daniel mused. He opened his eyes to see his friend watching him closely. "I've never really thought about that too hard before." He remembered, then, the time he'd told Teal'c it didn't matter whether Teal'c had killed his parents; leading the attack and being part of it made him just as culpable either way. Still, there was a reason he'd never wanted to think too hard about that specific memory of that specific action--one way felt worse than the other. "But that shouldn't make me feel better. Why does it make me feel better?"
"It means that you have not suddenly changed from the person you were hours ago," Teal'c said.
He thought about that. "I suppose," he said, disturbed and disturbingly comforted all at once. Without warning, Daniel wished Jack were there with a breathtaking intensity that ached far more than his leg. There would be a joke, and maybe an attempt to evade the topic, but Jack would understand, and it would be all right.
"You should rest for a while before you leave," Teal'c said.
Daniel leaned back and started to pull the sheets into place around himself. "I miss Jack," he said, blinking as Teal'c helped him slide back down on the bed.
Teal'c paused, then said, "As do I."
Later, he saw Robert walk in and quickly closed his eyes as the archaeologist went to speak with Janet. Robert would be worried and possibly horrified, depending on how busy he'd been lately and how much of the story he'd heard from rumors, and Daniel didn't really have the energy to reassure him. He pretended to stir just enough for Robert to say, "No, sorry, go back to sleep."
But then he felt bad for pretending, so he said, "I'm okay," then closed his eyes before he had to say anything else.
...x...
5 March 2000; Major Carter's Lab, SGC; 0200 hrs
Sam didn't look up when Daniel entered. "Hi," he said, walking carefully so that it didn't look like he was favoring a leg. "How's everything going?"
"Too slowly," she said.
"Can I help with anything?" She shook her head. Daniel slipped his hands into his pockets. "Are...are you going home tonight? Or, uh, anytime today?"
"Tell Janet I'll go home when I finish this next part," Sam said distractedly.
Tamping down a surge of anger and guilt that he hadn't spent much time with her lately, he said, "Janet didn't send me, Sam; I'm your friend, too. It's just...it's late. You have to rest sometime."
Sam finally looked at him, her expression apologetic. "I'm sorry, Daniel. She was here earlier... Why aren't you in bed?"
"Well, I've been off-world for a few days. 'Gate lag. Feels like noon to me."
"You...you have?" she said, sounding guilty and frustrated even though she'd been far too busy to notice everything, while he felt guilty and frustrated because he couldn't be busy enough alongside her, doing something useful for Jack. "I can't believe I didn't realize you were away."
"It's not your job to keep track of me, and it wasn't a long trip," he said. "It's not a big deal."
"It is when I stop noticing," she snapped, rubbing her eyes tiredly. "God."
"Sam..." he started, then sighed. "I wish I could help you somehow. You're working too much, Sam, you know that, and...I just wish I could help. That's all."
She swallowed a yawn. "All right. You're right. Let me finish this section, and I'll stop and go to sleep. Wanna come in and...and..." She gestured at a relatively empty area.
He sank into the chair, more relieved than he wanted to admit to take weight off his leg, and quietly read something on the bench about naquadah decay that he didn't fully understand.
Eventually, she reached a point at which she could only wait for her computer to finish processing some simulation or other and sat back, rubbing her forehead. "I feel like I've barely talked to you at all recently," she said. "Or anyone else, really, but..."
"You've been busy," he said. "And I was away before Edora, so..."
"We should have a big 'welcome home' party once the colonel's back," she said with an attempted smile. "Are you doing okay with all this?"
"Are you?" Daniel answered.
"I miss him," she said frankly.
"Me, too," he said. They watched a bar on her computer screen inch forward past 43% and 44% and 45%... "I talked to the Edoran refugees a week ago. They're doing okay. And I checked Cimmeria and Tollana again on the way back. The Tollan ships are about six and a half months away from Edora. The High Chancellor actually came back to Earth to meet General Hammond, though, so that seems good from a diplomatic standpoint. And Thor's still not there...but he--"
"It's okay, Daniel," she said. "I know how hard you've been trying. It's okay."
"Narim says 'hello,'" he said. He raised an eyebrow at her. "He really misses you. I mean, he really misses you. It's pretty awkward." She laughed.
"Yeah, well. Don't worry; we'll get the colonel back," she said, then laughed again and gestured to her computer screen. "Yes! Here, look at this. This is the part I've been working on for the last couple of days--there was an error that kept showing up, and I've finally eliminated it."
"103% is good, right?" he said.
"Yeah, it's good," she said. "All right, now, next... I need to start optimizing the--"
"Sam," Daniel said desperately. She stopped. "If you don't want to go home, at least take one of the bunks. Or one of the guest quarters. How about, I promise I'll wake you up in the morning. Please?"
She bit her lip, looking between him and her computer, then said, "Okay. Yeah, I'll do that."
XXXXX
26 March 2000; Subbasement Room 2, SGC; 1000 hrs
"Kek!" Teal'c ordered.
Daniel squeezed and tried not to flinch from the bright flash as the staff weapon shuddered in his arms. The blast scorched the edge of a block of cement.
"Better," Teal'c said, but not in a particularly approving tone of voice. Then again, Daniel had let go of the weapon in surprise the first time he'd fired it, so 'better' really wasn't saying much.
"At least I hit it," Daniel said.
"If that had been a Serpent Guard," Teal'c growled, "you might have brushed the very top of his helmet--do not lower your weapon!"
Daniel jerked the wavering staff back up, gritting his teeth against the strain. It wasn't actually as heavy as it looked, but holding a long rod steady wasn't as easy as holding the shorter projectile firearms, and his muscles were starting to protest. Bashaak staffs were easier--at least those were meant for movement, not maintaining the same position for long periods of time.
"Loosen your shoulders," Teal'c added. Daniel complied. "Without dropping your aim!"
"For crying out--!"
Daniel stopped and exhaled sharply. Neither of them spoke. Daniel cleared his throat, rolled his aching shoulders, and readjusted.
"Kree ka," Teal'c said steadily. Daniel primed the weapon. "Kek."
After the next shot, Teal'c's hand pushed him in the chest, and Daniel staggered backward, nearly falling off his feet. "What was that!"
"As I suspected, you are leaning back," Teal'c said. "It compromises your balance."
"It's heavy."
"Then you must become stronger to use it. Ar'ee kree." Daniel planted the staff on the floor gratefully, butt down, but before he could relax, Teal'c snapped, "Yahs, kree lo'sek!" Daniel dropped to one knee and forced himself to raise the weapon again, looking for the angle to aim it upward and not have it slip and wobble away from him.
...x...
After lunch, they moved on to automatic Tau'ri weapons. "I don't think Jack will want me to carry one of these," Daniel said, feeling awkward with an MP5 in his arms. Most of his experience with these weapons was field stripping and loading them, not shooting them. "Am I even allowed to, according to the SGC's rules?"
"He would not object to your knowing how," Teal'c pointed out. "And should it become truly necessary, I do not believe that the SGC would object, either."
They covered the cement block with bullet scars and scorch marks for the rest of the day. The walls of the room got a little abused, too, but this room had already been relegated to practice for staff weapons--one of the early naquadah experiments years ago had been conducted in this room and damaged the lead shielding, so the room was mostly used as a restricted practice area now, separate from the regular ranges.
Eventually, even the sharpest of commands couldn't make Daniel hold a weapon steady, and he felt like he was still rattling from recoil and the shock of rapid, automatic fire alternating with measured, single rounds that, in truth, tended to hit wide of their mark. "Good," Teal'c finally said.
"Mmph," Daniel said, fighting the urge to drop everything--including himself--to the ground immediately. Taking no pity on him, Teal'c watched as Daniel carefully cleared the gun and only then took both weapons himself, freeing Daniel to stretch his arms as they left the room.
"I examined the artifacts from Ra's chamber on Abydos as Dr. Rothman requested," Teal'c told him.
"Yeah? What did you think?"
"Many seemed to be human artifacts, as Dr. Rothman believed. However, some of them appeared to be ancient Goa'uld weapons."
Daniel raised his eyebrows, turning. "Weapons? I wouldn't have guessed from looking at them."
"They are very old and inefficient weapons," Teal'c said, "less useful than Tau'ri weaponry or modern Goa'uld devices."
"But the fact that Ra was hiding some weapons in there at all..."
"Precisely," Teal'c said. "It does not surprise me that a hidden chamber in the central part of a System Lord's kingdom would be filled with items for a war."
"You'd think he'd have left something more useful than outdated devices, though," Daniel said. "That's really odd. SG-11 didn't find anything more powerful than a lamp, but I was so sure there would be some...some huge purpose to that room."
"It is possible that Ra used that chamber many years ago, when the weapons would not have been considered ancient. Did you not find a tablet to explain the chamber's purpose?"
"Actually, I don't think the tablet has to do with Abydos or Ra at all," Daniel said. "Oh, but it's really interesting--I think it talks about the last of the Ancients. Either they were killed by a plague, or they were around a race of humans that were killed by a plague...something like that. Either way, I'm going to have to put that aside for now, until we find more reference material to help with that dialect."
"I see," Teal'c said.
When they finished returning everything to the armory, Daniel said, "Sam says they're making good progress with the particle beam."
"That does not surprise me," Teal'c said. "Major Carter will succeed."
"I helped her tighten some screws yesterday," he mumbled. He felt a little pathetic just saying it aloud, but Teal'c understood.
"Continue training and studying," Teal'c advised him. "That is how you can be most helpful. When O'Neill returns, you will be even more prepared than before."
XXXXX
19 April 2000; Archaeology Office, SGC; 1000 hrs
The two of them, with Robert, were gathered one day to compile and update their current knowledge of the System Lords' statuses when Sam ran into the room, making them all look up. "Teal'c, Daniel," she said. "It's done! We're gonna try getting through the Edoran Stargate tomorrow."
Daniel stood. "I'll go tell the Edoran refugees," he volunteered. "And tell the Tollan we might not need their ship."
"I will prepare the necessary equipment," Teal'c said. "Major Carter, I will require your aid."
"Yeah," she said, nodding and gesturing impatiently for them to follow her. "I need to run a few tests, but I'll go over everything with you while that's running."
"I'll, uh...sit here," Robert said as they rushed out of the room, then called, "Good luck!"
From the next chapter (" Choice and Duty"):
"Not just like anything. I think," Daniel said carefully, "it's very hard to think about it in terms of choosing the life you like more, especially so soon. It's more about choosing the one you can't bear to give up."
"That's semantics," Jack said.