fic: heartquake (merlin; m/a) part two
heartquake
part two
“She tires quickly after she’s eaten,” Merlin says matter-of-factly.
“Merlin!” a familiar voice surfaces next to him. “I didn’t expect to see you here,” Gwen says.
“Oh, yeah, Arthur here suddenly got a mental affliction and wanted to take me and Em here,” Merlin says.
“Arthur!” Gwen’s eyes fly open. “I mean, sire. I’m surprised you’re here, not that I’m not glad you’re here. It’s…a good surprise, sire.”
“Thank you, Guinevere,” Arthur nods politely. “I suppose.”
“Do you want me to take her home?” Gwen asks of Emeline. “I should be going, after all.”
“Well…” Merlin says doubtfully. That would mean he’ll be alone with Arthur and his recently discovered feelings that there will be awkward silences.
“It’s no problem, really,” she says.
“Okay, yeah,” Merlin gives her over and kisses her goodbye on her cheek and watches Morgana’s maidservant disappear into the crowd.
“Do you want to go back?” Merlin asks Arthur.
“No,” he answers, his eyes still on the people of Camelot, his future subjects. “Not yet.”
“So, what do you want to do?” he asks awkwardly.
Arthur looks at him now and Merlin notices the beauty in the features he was too busy ignoring before. “What about we take a walk?”
Arthur walks past the people until they come to clearing, a row of shops that have been deserted of their regular customers for the festival. There are hardly any souls left so the silence is as deafening as ever.
“So, how did you meet her?” Arthur asks.
“What?”
“Emeline’s mother. How did you meet her?”
“I’m sorry?”
“Merlin, this is me starting to ask you about yourself. Go with it.”
“Oh, well,” Merlin says awkwardly. “Ellyn and I were childhood friends. Then, one day, we weren’t just friends anymore.”
“You have the most interesting stories, Merlin, honestly,” Arthur says sarcastically.
“I’m nothing interesting, Arthur. You’ve known me for two years, you should know that already,” Merlin refrains from biting his tongue from the lie.
“Are you two still together?”
“No. Ellyn was the sweetest soul and there was a moment in time where I thought I’d marry her and just stay in Ealdor. A happy ending. But, then, things got complicated and we couldn’t deal with the complications anymore. We didn’t fit together anymore. But I care for her, deeply, and now she’s…”
Arthur looks at him expectantly but doesn’t say anything and Merlin knows he wouldn’t ask about it if Merlin doesn’t want to talk about it.
“She’s dying and there’s nothing more I can do.”
“I’m sorry, for you, and for Emeline,” he says softly and Merlin feels this need to have Arthur’s hand around his in a comforting gesture.
“She’s taken a liking to you, I can see that,” Merlin changes the subject. The topic of Ellyn is something he doesn’t want to discuss until he has to.
“I’m glad. I’ve taken quite a liking to her, too. She’s lovely, charming, a bit odd,”
Arthur locks his eyes with Merlin. The blue eyes melt into him and Merlin begins to feel a shiver go up his spine like lightning, completely catching him off-guard. There’s no one around but this time, the silence is welcomed, like the air is hiding secrets that he’s never known before.
“Like you.”
“Arthur…”
But before he can say anything else there’s a strong hand on the nape of his neck, pulling him closer until he can feel the heat of Arthur’s breath colliding with his, until there’s no space between them anymore, until their lips are touching in the softest of kisses, until Merlin almost thinks he’s imagining it.
But no, this part is not imagination, where Merlin’s own hand snakes up into Arthur’s beautifully tangled hair and the kiss deepens. There’s no art in it anymore, there’s just a want and a need around them until they can’t even differentiate the two things anymore and it’s delicious.
Arthur’s arm wrap around his waist and they’re closer (if there’s even a closer) together. As Arthur’s tongue does lewd things inside his mouth, Merlin moans in happiness.
For once, he’s not protecting anything, not Em, not his friends, not Arthur, and he feels as if there are no secrets at all. There’s nothing at all, except for the heat of Arthur’s body pressing against his, the insistence of his lips…
“Ow,” Merlin says as Arthur accidentally bites down on Merlin’s bottom lip.
“Umph, sorry,” Arthur swipes his finger on the bloody flesh.
“’s okay,” Merlin traces his finger along Arthur’s cheekbones. “That was nice.”
“Months, Merlin. I’ve been wanting to do that for months,” he rests his head on his companion’s shoulder. “I am the crown prince of Camelot, I have a reputation to uphold and all I get is nice?” Both of them laugh slowly.
“Arthur,” Merlin says, reality snapping back into his mind.
“Merlin?”
“As much as I enjoyed that, and I did, I really did. I can’t get into this right now. I’ve got a daughter to think about and…a lot of other things. Not now. Just give me time to think. That’s all I’m asking for. Time,” Merlin’s thumb caresses Arthur’s brow gently.
He lets go of Merlin, releases him from the grip of his arm and the loss is greater than Merlin thought.
“Arthur,” he says as he starts to walk away.
“No, it’s fine,” Arthur gives a weak smile. His hand finds its way to Merlin’s face again, stroking his cheek. He looks torn then gives him a small kiss on the corner of his mouth, so close to where it ought to be, but too far to be real.
He glides back to his chambers like he’s in trance then he notices the noise of havoc that has laid itself around the space. Gaius isn’t here so it isn’t the knocking of potions or whatnot. It’s coming from Merlin’s room.
Emeline.
“Em?” Merlin knocks on the door worriedly. “Emeline!”
The door swings open in a hard fashion, slamming on the opposite side of the wall. Around the room, there is an array of mismatched items flying around and the door to his cupboard is opening and closing with a loud clack every time. His sheets seem like they’re walking on their own and his clothes slap themselves on the walls.
But, on the floor, next to the bed, is his daughter, with her legs pressed against her chest, her small face covered by her blonde hair and she’s crying. And her eyes…they’re golden.
“I’m sorry, Daddy!” she says, frightened. “I don’t know what happened! I don’t know…”
Merlin takes her into his arms, his hand stroking her back and it wracks with sobs.
“It’s okay, Em,” he whispers to her. “It’s going to be alright. Daddy’s right here. It’s going to be okay.”
Merlin doesn’t know how to act anymore. It was hard enough before, when it was just his secret to protect, now there’s his daughter, who is a complete wreck; the white in her eyes are red from crying but the gold has finally subsided.
He’s afraid that if he leaves her, she might just break. And he can’t do that to his daughter. Besides, it would just be better if he just avoided Arthur for the time being.
He doesn’t want to be reminded of their kisses when his own heart is breaking for the sake of Emeline’s.
“I have to take care of her,” he says when Gaius asks about him not being at work.
His guardian nods solemnly and hugs him and Merlin sinks into his embrace. He’s forgotten the feeling of being taken care of for a moment.
Merlin and Emeline spend most of the morning cooped up in his room, some of that time allotted to sleep, but during the rest, Emeline just curls up to her father and stays silent.
It goes on until Merlin decides he can’t do this anymore. He can’t be instrumental in his daughter’s downfall.
He didn’t have a magical parent growing up, and maybe, if he had, things would’ve turned out better; he would’ve gotten better control of his powers. Now, he has a chance to do that with Em.
“Come on, Em,” Merlin tugs on her arm.
They wash and he dresses her in one of her nice dresses, one that Ellyn always says is for special occasions. Em gives a little smile at this.
“Now, let’s go,” Merlin picks her up.
They go to a yard that Merlin discovered his fourth month here. It’s beautiful, all green grass and flowing trees and wind brushing the bare skin and, more importantly, no one’s around.
“Daddy, what are we doing?” she asks.
“I’m going to help you with your, uhm, magic,” Merlin scratches his head and figures that his daughter has no idea that, because of what she is, she could get killed. “But, in front of other people, let’s just call that juggling, okay?”
“Juggling?” Em chuckles.
“Yeah, juggling,” Merlin nods and seats her on the grass. “Okay, now, Em, you have to listen very carefully to Daddy. People here don’t really like magic-”
“You mean, juggling.”
“Yes, juggling. People here don’t really like juggling and you need to be careful about this because if anyone finds out that you juggle, very bad things could happen, to you and to me,” he says seriously, making unbreakable eye contact so she’ll understand.
“Like what?”
“Very bad things, Em. Now, I’m going to teach you how to juggle. It won’t be easy, I don’t know much myself but, whatever it is, you have to listen to me. I don’t want you getting hurt, okay?”
“Okay,” Em nods vehemently.
Emeline’s magical ability is limited, not like Merlin’s when he was a little boy, but there are short bursts of power that she can’t control, much like his.
“When you feel something like this happening again, concentrate on something, put all your power into something so it won’t go everywhere,” Merlin advises her.
“Something like what?” Em asks.
“Uh…” Merlin looks around for something then finds it. A small wooden disc that can fit into Em’s hand, probably a part from a toy.
“Keep this wherever you go, okay? Next time it happens, just put all of your juggling into this,” he puts the disc into her hand. “Can you do that for me?”
“Yeah, Daddy, I can do that,” she nods and wraps her arms around his neck.
“I won’t let anything happen to you, Em. I promise.”
“Merlin,” Arthur says. No response. “Merlin!”
“Uh, oh, yeah, Arthur?” Merlin’s head snaps up.
“Are you quite alright?”
“I’m fine, Arthur. Just some stuff on my mind. Nothing you should worry about,” he waves it off.
“Merlin! Look at me,” Arthur orders.
And he does, though it’s hard, because the second he locks eyes with him, he can feel the invisible heat, even if they’re far apart. And he has this feeling that can only be called desperation to inch closer and closer to the prince and not care about time or anything else.
But he can’t. Because there has been an amount of juggling Arthur wouldn’t approve of.
“Why aren’t you more worried about this? About us, about me?” Merlin asks.
“Because, Merlin,” Arthur laughs, “I’ve had months to deal with this. You’ve only had moments. I’ve had time to deny this and, overall, time to accept it. I respect your decision and admire your love for your daughter. I honestly have nothing to worry about.”
Merlin smiles at this and thinks that he can’t possibly have picked a better pompous, arrogant prince to fall in love with.
“Except, perhaps, the feast tomorrow evening, because, somebody hasn’t cleaned my robes yet,” Arthur says. “Well, get on with it, you idiot!”
Merlin smiles because the one on Arthur’s face is unmistakable.
Days meld into weeks and, before he knows it, it’s been about a month since Emeline’s arrival at Camelot. They’ve fallen into some sort of odd pattern.
Merlin will go about his duties in the morning and half of the afternoon, while either Gaius or Gwen take care of Em, then Arthur will give him a few hours of break, so that he can spend some time with his daughter, and Merlin will come back in the evening to serve his prince.
In these moments, Merlin and Emeline will take turns between simply spending time together and going to that deserted yard for magic lessons. Though, magic lessons wouldn’t be the exact term.
Her power is limited but he can show her how to levitate a few things and her short bursts are improving. The wooden disc is burnt around the edges from frequent use.
But, sometimes, once every few days, they do neither. They spend these few hours with Arthur. Once or twice, they’ve been joined by Morgana and Gwen, but, mostly, it’s just Arthur.
He takes them to eat and shows them the castle and plays with Em. They’ve grown comfortable with him.
It’s no longer weird to see Em running towards Arthur’s arms, or for Merlin to feel around for Arthur’s fingers and stroke the skin gently, or for Arthur to invite them to sleep in his antechamber on some nights.
There is no normalcy for what Merlin’s been doing for the past few weeks but he sort of likes that. This weird family unit he and Emeline have developed between Arthur and Morgana and Gwen and Gaius. It’s a nice sort of odd that makes his heart flutter.
Today, Merlin wakes up in the bed of Arthur’s antechamber, with Em curled up at his side, tucked around the blankets. He gets up slowly, careful not to wake his daughter and goes to Arthur’s room.
To his surprise, the prince is already up and awake. His upper body is still bare, though, so Merlin can see the white skin for miles and miles.
“You’re up early,” Merlin scratches his eyes.
“I’ve got that meeting with my father today, remember?” Arthur puts on his tunic.
“Oh, yes. I’m sorry, I forgot,” Merlin says.
“Honestly, Merlin, why do I keep you around?” he asks, exasperated.
“Because you care for me?” Merlin shrugs his shoulders.
Arthur inches forward and puts Merlin’s face into his hands. “Deeply so, Merlin,” he says seriously.
For a moment, Merlin thinks he’s going to kiss him again but he doesn’t. He casts his eyes downward, as if he’s made some big mistake, takes back the steps he took before and says, “Make sure you clean this room spotless by the time I get back, Merlin.”
“Of course, sire,” he nods and Arthur leaves. He breathes and realizes he’s been holding it back.
When he goes back to his room, Em is awake. “Hey, Em,” Merlin smiles and sits next to his daughter on the bed.
“Daddy?” she asks.
“Yeah?”
“I miss Mommy,” she looks up to him.
“Yeah, okay,” he kisses her hair. “Okay.”
“When are you leaving?” Gaius asks.
“Tomorrow would be best. Em needs her mother and I think I should see her, as well, before…” Merlin’s sentence drifts off. “I’ll be back soon, don’t worry. We should only be spending a few days there, tops.”
“You can take as much time as you need, Merlin,” Gaius pats his shoulder.
“Thanks,” he gives a smile. “I’ve got to go. Meeting Arthur soon.”
Gaius raises his eyebrow and his ward gives a quick, “Oh, shut up, old man,” before leaving.
He walks to Morgana’s chambers and is greeted with a warm smile by the lady. “Merlin, you’re early,” she says and lets him in.
“Just a tad, yeah,” he nods.
“Hi, Daddy!” Em waves from Morgana’s bed.
“Hey, Em. Had a good time?” Merlin asks.
“She should say yes. She played with my accessories all afternoon,” Morgana crosses her arms but smiles nonetheless.
“Thanks again, Morgana,” he says as Em jumps off the bed and run to her father’s side.
“Please, Merlin, you need to stop thanking me already. Taking care of Em is a pleasure,” she looks down at the girl fondly. “Meeting Arthur?”
“Uh, yeah,” Merlin hopes she doesn’t notice the blush creeping up his cheeks. She does and she gives a mischievous smile, like she’s known he’s in love with Arthur before he ever did. The door opens and Sir Leon pops in.
“My Lady?” the knight asks.
“Ah, Merlin, if you’ll excuse me, I have some business to attend to,” Morgana nods cordially. This time, Merlin can see the blush.
He and Em leave and Merlin thinks that he’s happy as long as she is. They meet Arthur at his chambers and he leads them somewhere and they follow blindly.
“Where are we going?” Merlin asks.
“Somewhere,” Arthur answers.
“Great, so not nowhere, then,” Merlin grumbles.
They stop walking when they enter a space, a small field, with hues of green and blue everywhere. It looks miraculously same as their yard but this one is different. More flowers growing, more trees, a lot more breeze and they can see the silhouette of the castle if they turn their backs.
“It’s beautiful, Arthur,” Merlin says.
“I used to come here a lot when I was kid. I just rediscovered it a few weeks ago,” Arthur says, and sits down on the grass.
“What’s in the bag?” Em asks Arthur.
“Ah, yes, Em, I’m glad you asked,” he opens the bag and there, wrapped in paper, are pieces of chicken and a few bunches of grapes.
“Picnic!” Em says excitedly.
They all sit cross-legged on the grass and eat their food slowly, enjoying the taste and the company. Soon, they’re full with food and Em proceeds to run around them in circles until Arthur puts his hands on her waist and brings her to his body.
Em situates herself comfortably between Arthur’s legs and starts picking flowers out of the ground, collecting them one by one in her hands. Merlin sits next to them, hand on Arthur’s shoulder as the prince strokes Em’s hair lovingly.
He then puts his chin on Arthur’s shoulder, then presses his lips to the prince’s shirt. Arthur looks at him like he’s asking some sort of silent question but Merlin just smiles. He brings his other hand to Arthur’s chest, where the future king, his
King, puts his hand on top of it.
Emeline sits up and starts putting the flowers she’s collected in Arthur’s hair, which dissolves all of them to laughter.
“Doesn’t Arthur look pretty, Daddy?” she asks.
“Deeply so,” Merlin nods and buries his nose in Arthur’s scent.
He should probably tell Arthur that he’s leaving for Ealdor soon. Surely the prince would notice his absence tomorrow.
He gets kitchen duty so he doesn’t see Arthur for a few hours, until darkness descends on Camelot and Merlin’s eyes are resisting the temptation to close and his cheek is resisting the urge to just lie on any flat surface he can find.
When he gets off the job, he goes to Arthur’s chambers and finds a sight that makes his heart melt.
Arthur is on his chair at his table, where scattered papers lie there with abandon and his head is lolled to the side in slumber. In his arms, however, lies Emeline, curling up to Arthur’s chest, her eyelids closed and her chest heaving with breaths almost in time with Arthur’s.
Merlin lets himself look at this scene for just a moment longer until he walks towards them and puts an arm around Em, starting to pull her away from Arthur’s embrace.
It wakes the prince up in the process. He blinks his eyes, once and twice, before they settle on Merlin.
“Merlin,” he says sleepily.
“I’m just taking Em to bed,” he says.
“Mmph, let me,” Arthur puts his arm around the little girl and carries her to the antechamber and gently puts her down on the bed, tucks the sheets around her, and nods as if he’s done a good job.
“Come on, we’ve got to get you to bed, too,” Merlin puts an arm around Arthur.
“You’re warm,” he notes, his hand on Merlin’s chest.
“So’s your bed,” Merlin half-carries, half-leads him to his bed. He lifts him up to bed and makes sure all is comfortable for the prince to sleep.
Merlin looks down on him and says softly, “I’m going to Ealdor tomorrow, just to you know.”
“Then I’m coming with you,” Arthur turns in his bed, his eyes barely even open.
“Good night, Arthur,” Merlin starts to leave but there’s a hand wrapped around his wrist.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Merlin,” Arthur says suddenly.
“Arthur,” Merlin puts his hand down back on the bed. “Is that why you’re waiting?”
He doesn’t get an answer though, because Arthur’s fallen asleep but he can almost hear it, between the huffed breaths, the word yes
PART THREE