(no subject)
Well I've finally decided to go to Alexandria after all. I've got to call Sara in a little bit...and Grandmother also. This isn't running away...this isn't crying to my mommie. This is getting air to clear my head. This is so I can get over a heartbreak that seriously hurts. This is so I can practice my meditation methods and center myself. This is so I can get back into my roots and learn to live independantly again. I didn't realize this until this morning but I had let myself depend on Teddy. To my everlasting sorrow I let myself depend on someone...I think thats why this hurts so much...because I let myself go.
I know Chris wants me back, but I'm not going back with anyone. I'm not going back to anyone. I don't want to be touched, kissed, hugged, or any of that anymore. I didn't realize that when I made the promise to myself to never be with anyone ever again if Teddy left me...that that included physical closeness too. But it does. I think about being touched and hugged and I'm repulsed. I think about ever kissing a guy ever again and I'm repulsed.
-Laughs histarically- I said it in one my entries didn't I...I knew I'd become the Ultimate Ice Queen. -Bows- Well Ice Queen I shall be. I'm never letting anyone in my heart ever again. I learned my lesson once...never again.
No...Goddamnit no. Yes I let the prick into my heart. Yes I loved him with everything in me. Now it's time I get on with my life and not let him get to me like that. Thats what Chuck did to me...and even though I feel like Teddy isn't worthy enough to lick the shit of Chuck's prison boots...I still can't put him in the same catagory as Chuck. And I won't let this get to me. I've got feet...Teddy just knocked me off of them temporarily. Now I'm going to get myself up out of the dirt and stand on my own. Screw dependancy!
-Stomps off in a self-righteous huff and starts the first step of building her new/better life. Cleaning. (Which means throwing out everything that reminds her of Teddy)-