why can't everything ever be okay???WTF!!!
okay, so i had a couple happy days, but not without a lot of crappy days, and now it seems that they are going to get crappy again. I'll try to start where i left off in my last entry...
i'm still working tons: Mon-Thur: 2:15-8:30...so i'm home around 9 with like 3 hours worth of homework.
i did however start some things to hopefully benefit me and take my mind off the crappiness: on mondays & wednesdays i take a kickboxing class & on thursday nights i'm taking a hip hop dance class. so 3 days a week i'm getting an excellent workout, and it's a ton of fun. plus i've been working out at home with what little spare time i've had. so i guess, that even if i'm miserable, maybe i'll be in good shape.
My surgery went well. it didn't hurt then, but it sure hurts now. wearing a bra is absolutely killing me, and it looks nasty.
Chad and i had a good couple of days...like this tuesday was almost perfect and wednesday was okay too. Today, idk... well, our one year is tomorrow and i was REALLY looking forward to it. we were supposed to go see The Grudge 2 then come back to my house and watch a movie and just spend some time together. well now, we have to go the movie immediately after his paper route and hope to make it on time, and then his parents are picking him up right from the movie theater, so now i get absolutely no quality alone time with him at all on our frickin one year!! it's not his fault, cuz he has a funeral visitation to go to, and i'm very understanding of that, but it really sucks. i was starting to cope with all that until i talked to chad today and he told me that he bought himself a movie... well, guess what he got me for our 1 year? Nothing... not even a card or anything cuz he didn't have the money, but he had the money to buy himself a movie that he'll probably never watch. i'm not a selfish person at all, and althought i spent like $140 on him for our one year, i would be okay with getting nothing in return b/c i know he doesn't have the money, but he did have the money and he spent it. that makes me so upset. he says he's getting me surround sound as soon as he has the money, which is fine, but at least a card would have been nice, especially since the day was kinda ruined. know what i mean? so, needless to say, i'm NOT looking forward to our 1 year anymore. it's definately become a negative thing now. like yesterday, it was a celebration of one year of a great relationship, and today i was reminded of the negative things that i'd been trying to put out of my head, so tomorrow has now become instead of a celebration, a reminder of all the disappointment and hurt. i understand that not all of it is his fault, but some of it is. and now i'll have to wait until Nov. 4th at the earliest to get any alone timw with him at all, and it's already been months!
school is decent i guess. i have midterms next week. i haven't been doing well in spanish. i've gotten a C or lower on every test/quiz for the last 3 weeks. i'm trying so hard, and i don't know what more i can do. i have 3 papers due on monday and i don't know when i'll be able to write them...
i have had the most rotten kids at bunker this past week. they won't listen at all, and i don't know what to do about that either cuz i don't want to like yell at them and lose my job. i make a lot of money there.
idk...i just feel like such a failure lately. i'm not doing well at school, i can't get my bunker kids to listen, and i'm failing at making my relationship better. and everytime i look forward to something it gets ruined! what's wrong with me? i see all these happy couples all over the place and get so jealous and i just don't know what to do at all.
on a happier note i guess: i'm spending saturday with alison. we're going to tye dye some stuff, watch The Lake House, then go see the play at MCC. i'm kinda looking forward to it...hopefully that won't fall apart on me too. we'll see though...it's still 2 days away. a lot can happen in 2 days.
idk what else to say. i'm tired of complaining about things, but i almost feel like everything just sucks so bad that all there is to do is complain. i'm trying so hard to keep everyone happy. i have been doing so much for everyone and getting nothing but disappointment in return. i could just stop doing things, but then people think i'm mean, so i just can't win. w/e i guess...bad karma....i must have done something to deserve such crappy circumstances.
i'm still working tons: Mon-Thur: 2:15-8:30...so i'm home around 9 with like 3 hours worth of homework.
i did however start some things to hopefully benefit me and take my mind off the crappiness: on mondays & wednesdays i take a kickboxing class & on thursday nights i'm taking a hip hop dance class. so 3 days a week i'm getting an excellent workout, and it's a ton of fun. plus i've been working out at home with what little spare time i've had. so i guess, that even if i'm miserable, maybe i'll be in good shape.
My surgery went well. it didn't hurt then, but it sure hurts now. wearing a bra is absolutely killing me, and it looks nasty.
Chad and i had a good couple of days...like this tuesday was almost perfect and wednesday was okay too. Today, idk... well, our one year is tomorrow and i was REALLY looking forward to it. we were supposed to go see The Grudge 2 then come back to my house and watch a movie and just spend some time together. well now, we have to go the movie immediately after his paper route and hope to make it on time, and then his parents are picking him up right from the movie theater, so now i get absolutely no quality alone time with him at all on our frickin one year!! it's not his fault, cuz he has a funeral visitation to go to, and i'm very understanding of that, but it really sucks. i was starting to cope with all that until i talked to chad today and he told me that he bought himself a movie... well, guess what he got me for our 1 year? Nothing... not even a card or anything cuz he didn't have the money, but he had the money to buy himself a movie that he'll probably never watch. i'm not a selfish person at all, and althought i spent like $140 on him for our one year, i would be okay with getting nothing in return b/c i know he doesn't have the money, but he did have the money and he spent it. that makes me so upset. he says he's getting me surround sound as soon as he has the money, which is fine, but at least a card would have been nice, especially since the day was kinda ruined. know what i mean? so, needless to say, i'm NOT looking forward to our 1 year anymore. it's definately become a negative thing now. like yesterday, it was a celebration of one year of a great relationship, and today i was reminded of the negative things that i'd been trying to put out of my head, so tomorrow has now become instead of a celebration, a reminder of all the disappointment and hurt. i understand that not all of it is his fault, but some of it is. and now i'll have to wait until Nov. 4th at the earliest to get any alone timw with him at all, and it's already been months!
school is decent i guess. i have midterms next week. i haven't been doing well in spanish. i've gotten a C or lower on every test/quiz for the last 3 weeks. i'm trying so hard, and i don't know what more i can do. i have 3 papers due on monday and i don't know when i'll be able to write them...
i have had the most rotten kids at bunker this past week. they won't listen at all, and i don't know what to do about that either cuz i don't want to like yell at them and lose my job. i make a lot of money there.
idk...i just feel like such a failure lately. i'm not doing well at school, i can't get my bunker kids to listen, and i'm failing at making my relationship better. and everytime i look forward to something it gets ruined! what's wrong with me? i see all these happy couples all over the place and get so jealous and i just don't know what to do at all.
on a happier note i guess: i'm spending saturday with alison. we're going to tye dye some stuff, watch The Lake House, then go see the play at MCC. i'm kinda looking forward to it...hopefully that won't fall apart on me too. we'll see though...it's still 2 days away. a lot can happen in 2 days.
idk what else to say. i'm tired of complaining about things, but i almost feel like everything just sucks so bad that all there is to do is complain. i'm trying so hard to keep everyone happy. i have been doing so much for everyone and getting nothing but disappointment in return. i could just stop doing things, but then people think i'm mean, so i just can't win. w/e i guess...bad karma....i must have done something to deserve such crappy circumstances.