Reverse That
So I texted Brian this morning after I sorted out my own feelings to tell him that as mature adults we should discuss what happened. He said he agreed and he was sorry for yelling at me and that he wasn't ready to talk yet. He texted me several hours later and we talked for a couple hours.
He said that he felt that he can't live up to my expectations and that he felt like I was acting like an asshole to his friends. He said he was worried that in the future that I would act the same way. I pointed out that there have been several other times when we have gone out with his friends and my friends and there have been no issues. I pointed out that he said some very hurtful things to me and it made me feel like a horrible person from a person that I really care about. he said that he didn't mean what he said and that he was just so angry and it came out. He stated that he doesn't want me to feel hurt or angry and he doesn't want to feel angry at me. I told him that people get angry in relationships and that things will not be great and wonderful 100% of the time and that healthy couples work together as a team to resolve issues and communicate even when things are not entirely wonderful. Part of being in a relationship is working through issues and communicating without the threat of one of the people running away from the situation. I also talked to him about how screaming at one another will not resolve any issues. Brian agreed.
We both feel hurt and irritated by the situation but talked about how to move past the situation and to talk to each other. Clearly we are not communicating certain things to the other person and we both agreed to try to do this. We also agreed to try to keep the other persons feelings in mind and try to take a step back when we are angry at one another.
So, we will see where it goes. I feel that we are handling this maturely and I'm especially proud of myself for encouraging the communication between us. I'm hoping that we are able to work things out because I do care deeply for Brian and I feel that he cares deeply for me.
He said that he felt that he can't live up to my expectations and that he felt like I was acting like an asshole to his friends. He said he was worried that in the future that I would act the same way. I pointed out that there have been several other times when we have gone out with his friends and my friends and there have been no issues. I pointed out that he said some very hurtful things to me and it made me feel like a horrible person from a person that I really care about. he said that he didn't mean what he said and that he was just so angry and it came out. He stated that he doesn't want me to feel hurt or angry and he doesn't want to feel angry at me. I told him that people get angry in relationships and that things will not be great and wonderful 100% of the time and that healthy couples work together as a team to resolve issues and communicate even when things are not entirely wonderful. Part of being in a relationship is working through issues and communicating without the threat of one of the people running away from the situation. I also talked to him about how screaming at one another will not resolve any issues. Brian agreed.
We both feel hurt and irritated by the situation but talked about how to move past the situation and to talk to each other. Clearly we are not communicating certain things to the other person and we both agreed to try to do this. We also agreed to try to keep the other persons feelings in mind and try to take a step back when we are angry at one another.
So, we will see where it goes. I feel that we are handling this maturely and I'm especially proud of myself for encouraging the communication between us. I'm hoping that we are able to work things out because I do care deeply for Brian and I feel that he cares deeply for me.