[Fic] How to avoid MiyaTama :)
Titel: How to avoid MiyaTama :)
Pairing: KitaTama; KitaFuji; MiyaTama (onesided)
Disclamer: Sadly I don't own any of them... the story is mine, the idea was originally fromdenkira I guess in the end it didn't got how she told me to write it... But I couldn't let them be sad until the end...
Summary: Tamamori didn't like the pairing MiyaTama. (And me as well :D don't kill me for that)
Warnings: English isn't my mother tongue so forgive me some mistakes. It's my first Kis-my fanfic and I'm quite nervous to post it... don't judge it too hard, but constructive critic is always welcome!
A/N: Inspired by the pairing ranking in duet Januar 2012. There are so many storrys forming in my head from these... and I didn't read everything till now...
[Spoiler]
It was suposed to end with HiroSuke in the end, but I just can't let my Tama-chan cry forever.
„Why does it always have to be Miyata and me? It really pisses me off! He always tells on TV how much he loves me and so on, why?!? I told him many times that I don’t even have friendly feelings for him! Why doesn’t he get that I really can’t stand him and his stupid behaviours!“
Yes, It was Tamamori shouting. And he thought he had reasons enough! He got second place with Miyata in pairing ranking, and Miyata had to confess again in front of the reporters!
“Hiiirooo, please help me!! I can’t stand it anymore!” After his outburst Tamamori started whining.
“Whining really suits you better than shouting” said Kitayama and hugged the younger around the waist.
He got pushed away though. “What are you doing!” And Tamamori was back shouting.
“Helping you?” Kitayama offered, and approached Tamamori again. This time he was wise enough to go slow. “We could pretend to be together? So Miyacchi is backing off eventually? That is if you don’t mind breaking his heart…”
Tamamori blushed a bit. No one knew why he didn’t give in to Miyata’s many tries to get him. He thought of declining the offer, but managed to nod in the last second. This would be his only chance to get close to the other, he thought.
The smile on Kitayama’s face got brighter. “I really like you Tama〜... I guess I’m allowed to say so? Right?“
The blush on Tamamori’s face got darker. “Un… Hiro can do what he likes” And he returned the hug, but draw back immediately. He meant what he said, but still the idea was kind of weird.
They jumped apart when they heard the door open.
“What’s going on here?” Fujigaya asked, a frown forming on his forehead.
“I was just trying to cool down Tama-chan.” Kitayama answered and shoot a glance at Miyata. “He was really upset about what happened at the interview. So I tried to cool him down… ne?” He asked for confirmation from Tamamori. But the latter knew not better as to blush again. “Ha… hai. That’s true.”
****
After that day Kitayama and Tamamori spent quite some time together. Going out for dinner, visiting each others home… Doing everything to get to know each other better. Like it should be with boyfriends.
They actually got even to a stage where Tamamori didn’t flinch at every hug Kitayama gave him, and took it quite as granted to lean on to him when he was tired. Still, their first kiss was ages ahead of them. As well, they didn’t tell the members of their group.
****
“Don’t you think it’s time to tell them?” The two of them were talking in a quiet corner of the JE building, far enough from their rehearsal room that no one would over hear them, or so they thought.
“We’re together for almost two month now! It really is annoying to hear all of Miyata’s love confessions all the time.” It was Kitayama playing the jealous boyfriend, trying to convince Tamamori to tell the rest of their group members.
What they didn’t know was, that behind the corner there was Yokoo listening. He walked in on them by accident and couldn’t really believe what he heard. He wasn’t that bothered by their relationship, rather surprised, but not really bothered. He rushed to their dressing room, to be there before them. What could he do to prevent his friend from getting destroyed by this news?
When he got there all the others except the two he eavesdropped on where there. He saw Fujigaya sitting on the sofa in one of the corner of the room, and when the two missing ones entered an idea hit him. He sat beside Fujigaya, to cover him from the view of the others.
“We have to tell you something.” Kitayama began to speak. He could feel how nervous Tamamori beside him was, and took his hand, to calm him down. “We…” he looked at Tama sweetly, “we have been going out for almost two month now.”
The reactions in the room were quite different from person to person. Some gasps were heard and no one could really believe it. Yokoo was grateful that no one was paying attention to Fujigayas reactions. He also let out a small gasp and his hands were tight fists.
****
As soon as Yokoo sat beside him, he knew something was off. He wanted to ask, but then Kitayama began to speak. “We have to tell you something.” Like everyone else he turned toward the two standing by the door. Yokoo was quite in his way and he wanted to complain. But then Kitayama spoke again. “We…”
For Fujigaya it felt like time got stretched after that. Kitayama turned his head to the side to look at Tamamori. Only then Fujigaya noticed their intertwined hands. He felt like a tub of cold water washed over him. Followed by intense heat. He could feel sweat form on his forehead. No, that can’t be! He cried out in thought. Feeling cold again. He knew what had to come. How can they be together? What is with Miyata? But he couldn’t move his head to check if the other was ok.
It was only about two seconds that Kitayama looked at Tamamori, before he continued speaking. But for Fujigaya it felt like eternity. His thoughts were spinning in his head. Why? It couldn’t be! And again Why? He couldn’t form a real thought. And his body temperature changed from cold to hot in only seconds.
“We have been going out for almost two month now.”
He was grateful for Yokoo to sit beside him. He could cover up a bit. His shock was too big for him to move for the moment, but he also didn’t want the others to know of his secret crush. He tried to gain his composure back, but his hands were still tight fists.
How can you fight a aching heart? Is it even possible to go back to normal ever? Why can’t it be me? Why Tama? Why now? was the word most spinning in his head. Again and again.
Yes in interviews he always stressed their rivalry and that it would impossible for them to be just normal friends. But he was quite aware of the fact that he always lied. He knew long ago, maybe since Arashi tour, that he felt special when the other was near him. I do love him. But I also knew that I would never be able to confess it. It’s just not possible.
After some minutes the control over his body was coming back, and he looked around the room. Senga and Nikaido were asking thousand and one questions on when, how, who confessed, first kiss, and so on. Tamamori was quite embarrassed, and hide half behind Kitayama who answered the question as good as possible. Miyata was in the other corner of the room, still leaning against the wall. He looked quiet the same as Fujigaya felt and maybe also looked like.
They exchanged a look and both knew that the other wanted to leave the room as soon as possible. Yokoo saw it and thought of a way to bring both of them outside without earning too much unwanted attention.
He smiled at Kitayama and said, “I’m happy that you told us. But there are some that still have work to do. Fujigaya, Miyata, common let’s go!” He turned to the two. They looked quite relieved. Like he was their lifesaver. “We’re off, see you guys tomorrow.”
The other two only waved their hands and followed Yokoo out of the room. They didn’t get far though. As soon as the door closed behind them, both took a shaky breath and he could see that for both of them it got harder to keep their tears in. He opened the door of A.B.C-Z’s dressing room and shoved both of them inside. A.B.C.-Z was in Osaka, so they could stay here as long as they like. “Now cry as much as you want. No one is coming here.” He kept watching the door though.
He didn’t expect them to really start crying. But they hold the other and sat on the sofa crying. Both of them desperately searching for comfort. Not a single word was spoken. Still after some time, a silent agreement formed. They wouldn’t let the others know of their sorrow. For the sake of their fans they would act strong, try their best, show smiles on TV.
****
Yokoo wasn’t quite surprised that Miyata and Fujigaya got closer during the next month. Now that Kitayama and Tamamori made their relationship public, they also often hugged in public. Or more like their hugs got a new meaning now, that they knew about it.
He saw how they both hurt, their face showing it clearly at times. Hiding it as soon as they felt the gaze of someone on them. Acting normal in front of the others. But he also knew that they cried a lot when they were alone. More than once he saw the trace of dried tears on the face of one or the others. Only at times when they thought to be alone, but still, the tears were there.
****
Tears, were the one thing, he could handle the least. Sure he was prepared for Miyata to be sad. That was the main purpose of his action. Seeing Miyata put on a fake smile every now and then, still telling every one who would listen, how much he loved Tamamori, somehow disturbed him sometimes.
What he wasn’t prepared for were Fujigaya’s tears. The first time he walked in on him crying he turned around and left the room. Not knowing how to handle someone’s tears. It was always him whining, complaining or crying, getting the pity from others. He was never before the one reassuring, telling everything would turn out right someway or the other. He knew he was acting spoilt, but that was just his being.
The second time he couldn’t really back off, because Fujigaya saw him too. He tried to wipe his tears, but his red eyes were quite obvious. Tamamori had the feeling he couldn’t just walk away like he saw nothing. It would become awkward afterwards. Well their group harmony said goodbye months ago, but still he didn’t want to make it even worse.
Since Ikemen desu ne, their drama together, they were on quite good terms. So he sat beside Fujigaya and patted his shoulder. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He thought that couldn’t be a bad beginning. He often heard those sentences directed towards him. The reaction was not at all how he would have reacted, quite the opposite. He really needed to learn properly how to deal with sad people.
“You’re asking me what’s wrong? Except that our group harmony is pretty much fucked up? Well a lot of things!!! But I don’t really expect you to know about it. You’re view is fogged by your love. You’re not able to see others misery now. Right? You’re pretty much ignoring Miyacchi’s feelings, and you don’t… you don’t have any clue about how… how… I’m feeling.”
He actually wanted to scream at Tamamori. The first words were also quite loud, but then the tears came again. And the last words were only choked.
Because his tears were still flowing he didn’t see Tamamori’s reaction very well. But it didn’t matter anyway!! There was nothing the other could do to make him feel better. He stood up and left the room. Only wanting to be alone.
Tamamori’s thoughts were circling in his head. It couldn’t be, right? Me or Kitayama? And why didn’t he tell us? Well we took the others quite by surprise, with our relationship, but still? How could I not have noticed?
****
The next few days, whenever they entered a room, he saw how Kitayama was first of all searching for Fujigaya with his eyes. When he found him, his look turned worried. So Hiro knows as well. This thought hurt quite a lot. More than he expected.
There were feelings inside of him he always knew where there, but they were much stronger than he expected them to be!
One of the rare times he walked entered any room in JE he found Kitayama deep in thoughts. The other didn’t even recognize him entering.
****
One of the things that were bothering Kitayama the most at the moment, beside Fujigaya’s sad eyes was whether or not he should kiss Tamamori. He wasn’t quite sure if he would get pushed away and he didn’t want to offend the other. But he somehow had the feeling that this wasn’t his only reason. Whenever he saw that sad look on Fujigaya’s face, something inside him began to hurt. And he felt like hugging the other until the smile he loved so much was back. Yeah, the smile he loved.
On the other side he also recognized that Tamamori was very well aware of his frequent looks in Fujigaya’s direction and the sad look that spread on the others face, when he thought Kitayama wouldn’t notice, also made him feel bad.
He was deep in thought and didn’t recognize Tamamori sitting beside him. “Ne, Hiiroo〜 can we talk?” - “Sure!” He smiled. Things like this were the really cute points about Tamamori. He really liked to be spoilt and as soon as he started whining Kitayama felt like spoiling him to no end. Again, like a younger brother… He sighted a little. What am I thinking? It was my idea, right?
Tamamori got up and walked out of the room. Kitayama was quite surprised. They couldn’t talk in here? What does he want to talk about? Still he followed Tamamori who searched for a free practice room.
“Isn’t here good?” They were standing in front of A.B.C-Z’s dressing room. “They’re in our room anyway and I don’t think that we’ll find any other unoccupied room here. Today almost everyone is in Johnny’s…” Tamamori nodded and they entered the room in silence. Kitayama sat down on the sofa in the middle of the room. “Come here.” Even though Tamamori sat beside him, something was odd. There was more room in between them than normal. Kitayama waited for the younger to start speaking but there was only silence. When he looked his side he saw the other fighting with himself, like he wanted to talk but was scared of it too, somehow.
“Tama-chan what is it?” he asked in his softest voice. Trying to make the other speak “You know you can talk to me about everything. What is it?” Still Tamamori kept silent. Kitayama felt helpless, seeing the younger one that insecure.
“Tama-chan, talk to me! Please, don’t keep silent! Just say something! Are you bothered by the fact that we haven’t kissed yet?” The addressed one only shook his head. “Then what is it? Did anyone say something bad about you or us… or told you something about me, that bothers you?” he really felt desperate; he couldn’t help if he didn’t know what the problem was!!
“You recognized the sad look on Fujigaya’s face, right?” Tamamori began slowly. “I know you recognized it!” - “Yeah…” Kitayama’s thoughts drifted off, and Tamamori was very well aware of it.
At this moment he made a decision he knew he would regret later on! “You know the reason, right?” Kitayama only looked at him in surprised. “No, I don’t know why, do you?” - Un, we are the problem…”At the end Tamamoris’s voice drifted off, as to leave the sentence open.
That only confused Kitayama even more. “Why are we… the problem… oh…” Together with his words his brain completed the sentence. We two, who are going out together are the problem, we are responsible for Fujigaya’s sadness. He didn’t want to make the other sad. It hurt to know, that he was the source of that sadness, but somehow he was also feeling warm inside. So I would actually have had a chance.
Tamamori observed Kitayama’s reactions close. He was quite sure to know what was going on in the other’s head.
“I’m well aware of the reason why we started dating. And I also guess you only see me as a younger brother, right?” When Kitayama wanted to disturb his speech, he lifted his hand. “Please, let me speak to the end, and then you can talk.” There was a short break, where Tamamori took a deep breath. It was now or never. His only chance… He needed to tell his true feelings.
“We started it off as a lie, but for me it turned into something real. I meant every I said. My hugs were real and I somehow wish we would have kissed once, but I’m also aware of the fact that those are only my feelings, and that it still is only a lie for you. You will bring happiness to someone, but that someone isn’t me. Don’t deny it. You’re really bothered by Gaya’s sadness, and that you’re the reason for it. I’m very grateful for your help with Miyata.”
He really fought hard to not let one single tear run down his face. “I don’t want to break up with you Tama-chan. I can’t. Not when I have to replace one sadness by another. I’ll stick with the decision I made back then.”
“You don’t have to break up with me, ‘coz I break up with you. Just promise me to make Gaya happy. I’ll be ok, somehow…”
Kitayama saw how hard it was for the other to hold back his tears, and wanted to hug him and give comfort, like he would do with a younger brother. But he knew he wasn’t allowed to, not anymore. “Just once… the first… and the last.” He whispered and leaned closer to Tamamori.
Their lips touched and he wrapped his arms around the other so that he couldn’t pull back.
Tamamori was quite surprised by Kitayama’s action. He knew that the arms around him were there to prevent him from pulling back. But he never intended to. This was his last time being so close to his leader. Hi leaned closer and a single tear rolled down his cheek.
When Kitayama pulled back he wiped the one tear away. “Thank you.”
****
As soon as Tamamori was alone, he let his tears fall. After their kiss, Kitayama hold him tight, but when he realized that the other wasn’t going to cry in front of him, he took his leave and let Tamamori be alone. He was feeling bad for making the younger feel so much pain, but the best for now was to let him cry, for now.
Tamamori broke down, curled himself up on the sofa and hoped that no one was going to enter the room; he didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. At least not now. But luck wasn’t on his side and soon the door opened. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or upset that it was Miyata who got in there.
One part of him was annoyed by this fact, it was again Miyata, who was somehow also at fault. The other part was kind of happy that it was Miyata and not some random person, at least he knew about the problem or could read the signs good enough, so Tamamori wouldn’t have to tell him what happened.
Miyata sat beside the figure on the sofa. Tamamori only lifted his head for a short moment, to know who entered. It was the first time that he actually was also somehow thankful for Miyata’s presence, just sitting there without talking or doing anything. Just being there for him and waiting.
When Tamamori’s sobbing got better, he lifted his head a second time. Miyata opened his arms. “Only if you want to…” he offered. Tamamori crawled over and clenched on to Miyata, while his sobbing got worse again. “shh… shh…”Miyata was holding him.
“It hurts right?” Tamamori nodded. The pain he felt inside was new to him. He never felt like this before. His whole body hurt like he was burning alive. Some tears were still there, running down his cheeks form time to time. He looked at Miyata who also had a pained look on his face. “Wi… will it… ever get be… better?” he asked.
“It won’t stop, but it will change, with time it will get dull. There are times you can even forget it for some minutes, hours maybe even days, there is also happiness. When you see him smile for example, you will be happy for him. But it won’t go away completely. It will be there forever, as long as you love him.”
“I’m sorry Miyacchi, that I put you trough this before. I didn’t know that it could hurt so much.” Some single tears were still running down his cheeks. And Tamamori was still clinging on to Miyata.
“Don’t be, at least not now. Just learn how to smile again, and I’ll get happy as well. I want to treasure my feelings for you. They’re part of my being. You can’t take them away from me. Even if you don’t answer to them, they still belong to me. And only to me. I’ll cherish them and I won’t stop telling you that I love you.
But for now you can cry as much as you want. I’m here for you… as a friend.” And he tightens his hug a bit.
****
Omake:
Somedays later when Senga and Nikaido entered the dressing room together, a rare picture greeted them.
Tamamori and Miyata were sitting on the sofa in the left corner and giggled about some not so funny jokes of Miyata. On the other sofa in the room there were Kitayama and Fujigaya both reading in some magazine.
“And what exactly does this all mean? You fought ok, but why is Tama with Miyacchi now?” Senga didn’t understand anything.
“We’re just friends!” They both giggled again, as if it was a good joke. Senga rolled his eyes.
“And what’s with Gaya and Mitsu?” demanded Nikaido to know.
“Rivals as always. Would never work out anyway.” It was Fujigaya talking. He looked over to Tamamori and Miyata and winked a bit.
That moment Yokoo entered the room as well. “Listen all guys… he started, but stopped at the sight he got. “Nice to see you all made up! Our group harmony is back!! Yeay!!” He smiled at them all.
“duet wants to do another pair ranking soon.”
“Oh no!!” - “We won’t do another!!!” - “Too much trouble.”
-----------------
That's it.
Comments are highly apreciated! I would like to know what you think about it!!