Friday! We're gonna get our grub on this afternoon! and then travel somewhere!
So stopping by lj and reading some of my "friends" posts got me pumped about writing in this thing again. I guess I don't feel like writing because not a whole lot of interesting shit seems to be going on for me. But since I kind of decided to dedicate this journal to the fact that no one knows about it (except jeremyc) and therefore I can write things that I wouldn't want certain other people to read, I will write about the situation with the "person in my life".
We seem to be getting on quite well. surprisingly well. we think that we spend 23 hours a day together. this is something you can do when you are a struggling/non-playing rugby player and an erasmus student living in a foreign country. How is it possible? I am saying it is a very good estimate-23 hours a day. Anyway, we do seem to be more stressed as of lately. we seem to have an affect on the other's stress level. We made a list of the top 5 stress factors we were feeling the other night (in order of most on our minds).
1. She and Jose (x-boyfriend)
2. Me and alcohol
3. her family coming
4. my lack of direction in life
5. ???? (your choice)
So, I guess I can explain some more on each topic.
1. Lately, she is thinking about and missing Jose quite a lot. I think this worries her more than me. I believe it is normal after a 5 year relationship (which I actually just learned was almost 6 plus one extra year when it was a secret which adds up to almost 7.) She thinks that it may be normal but isn't right or good or whatever because she is now with some one else that she is in love with. I guess I'm not worried, because being worried takes the air out of any enjoyment things might bring you
2. I never knew I had a problem with alcohol. IN fact, by most standards (and probably, mine) I don't. But for us, there is a problem. This is, that when I get drunk, I make stupid decisions. Strange. sounds just like being drunk, to me. The saddest part of this problem, is that I've been drunk twice in March and maybe 3 times in February. But....I am still worried about this. That is because our most trying times in our relationship have been those nights and following days. I would also like to add that I believe that some of the other stressing factors in our lives add to the "trying times" that arise when I get drunk. at least I believe. Why doesn't she drink? Why am I asking? What is it with Alcohol?
3. Next week (5 days from now) her family is coming and they don't "officially" know about me. Both of her sisters (27 & 30) know, because they are smart, but she is sure that her mom doesn't know. I have my suspiscions that she knows just based on the widely know fact concerning everything which is, "parents always know." So anyway, we have to stop being boyfriend and girlfriend for all of next week. I guess it isn't too strange. BUt after the seriously 23 hours a day relationship, it may be strange. Plus, I'm intimidated enough about meeting them since they are all strong, intelligent, independent (each of them pseudo- or totally without a significant other), and SCARY! right?
4. (Incidentally, she switched 3 and 4 in her mind) I have no direction in my life. But for most of the time, THAT'S OK!!! Hell, I can and do keep telling myself. I don't when or if life is ever going to get better than this.
5. Whatever is bugging you at that particular moment. For me, right now, I am sick as sin and don't know if or how I am going to get better because this is very unlike me.
Ok, so there's something. We are now leaving and going to make this incredibly phat italian pasta. (Our favorite thing to do together is: EAT-How is it that I found a girl who is as skinny as me, but loves to eat just as much!? God must like me). And tonight, maybe.......paella! Ciao
We seem to be getting on quite well. surprisingly well. we think that we spend 23 hours a day together. this is something you can do when you are a struggling/non-playing rugby player and an erasmus student living in a foreign country. How is it possible? I am saying it is a very good estimate-23 hours a day. Anyway, we do seem to be more stressed as of lately. we seem to have an affect on the other's stress level. We made a list of the top 5 stress factors we were feeling the other night (in order of most on our minds).
1. She and Jose (x-boyfriend)
2. Me and alcohol
3. her family coming
4. my lack of direction in life
5. ???? (your choice)
So, I guess I can explain some more on each topic.
1. Lately, she is thinking about and missing Jose quite a lot. I think this worries her more than me. I believe it is normal after a 5 year relationship (which I actually just learned was almost 6 plus one extra year when it was a secret which adds up to almost 7.) She thinks that it may be normal but isn't right or good or whatever because she is now with some one else that she is in love with. I guess I'm not worried, because being worried takes the air out of any enjoyment things might bring you
2. I never knew I had a problem with alcohol. IN fact, by most standards (and probably, mine) I don't. But for us, there is a problem. This is, that when I get drunk, I make stupid decisions. Strange. sounds just like being drunk, to me. The saddest part of this problem, is that I've been drunk twice in March and maybe 3 times in February. But....I am still worried about this. That is because our most trying times in our relationship have been those nights and following days. I would also like to add that I believe that some of the other stressing factors in our lives add to the "trying times" that arise when I get drunk. at least I believe. Why doesn't she drink? Why am I asking? What is it with Alcohol?
3. Next week (5 days from now) her family is coming and they don't "officially" know about me. Both of her sisters (27 & 30) know, because they are smart, but she is sure that her mom doesn't know. I have my suspiscions that she knows just based on the widely know fact concerning everything which is, "parents always know." So anyway, we have to stop being boyfriend and girlfriend for all of next week. I guess it isn't too strange. BUt after the seriously 23 hours a day relationship, it may be strange. Plus, I'm intimidated enough about meeting them since they are all strong, intelligent, independent (each of them pseudo- or totally without a significant other), and SCARY! right?
4. (Incidentally, she switched 3 and 4 in her mind) I have no direction in my life. But for most of the time, THAT'S OK!!! Hell, I can and do keep telling myself. I don't when or if life is ever going to get better than this.
5. Whatever is bugging you at that particular moment. For me, right now, I am sick as sin and don't know if or how I am going to get better because this is very unlike me.
Ok, so there's something. We are now leaving and going to make this incredibly phat italian pasta. (Our favorite thing to do together is: EAT-How is it that I found a girl who is as skinny as me, but loves to eat just as much!? God must like me). And tonight, maybe.......paella! Ciao