(no subject)
If you look back a few entries, I posted about how Aaron impulsively quit his job at Best Buy, and I was stuck with making sure we could pay the bills for that month, only 5 weeks after having Olive. Well, he only worked at Best Buy from March to June, and before that he didnt work from December to March. I was pregnant, growing larger and more fatigued every day, and all of the responsibilities were on me. I begged him to work, I cried to him, I yelled at him and got in his face, I left for a few days, everything. Finally his parents found out and he finally got a job.
Well, since he quit Best Buy in July, he hasnt worked. He has a job, on the General Jackson showboat, but he's only worked MAYBE 5 shifts. The scheduling there is really flexible, and basically if you dont turn in a schedule request you dont get put on the schedule. The only way he's been able to work those shifts is by calling the boat the night before and asking if he can work the next day.
Here it is, the beginning of October, and Im working 5-6 nights a week, taking care of Olive when Im home and cleaning the house. No, he doesnt help me with the house. If you could see this place right now you'd probably be uncomfortable. I mean, there isnt feces on the wall or garbage laying all over the place, but it is a mess. Laundry piles have built up in our bedroom, our bathroom, the utility room, and the living room. If he wants something clean to wear, he washes ONLY what he needs. If theres something in the washer, he'll throw his jeans and t-shirt in and re-wash the load, but then he only puts his outfit in the dryer, leaving everything else in there. Its frustrating! I ask him to please do the dishes for me, and maybe they'll be done when I get home. I ask him to take out the trash after Ive bagged it up and set it next to the door. Sometimes he'll leave it sitting there for a week. A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK. The past 2 weeks Ive decided not to do anything around here. NOTHING. And I hate coming home because I know Ill have to step over something and clear a spot on the coffee table from the newspapers and dirty dishes and his fighting DVD's and junk mail to put my feet up.
He promises me he'll go to work the next day. He doesnt. Last Tuesday he hadnt worked for 2 weeks, and before I went to work I said to him "I can't do this anymore, Aaron. I cant work 6 nights a week and take care of Olive and the house. All of this can't be on me, it isnt fair. I want you to know this is seriously hurting our marriage. Most days I dont want to be around you. I dont want you to touch me or talk to me, just looking at you sitting on the computer makes me angry." He apologized, and made me another promise that he was going to turn his shit around and start working regularly. I told him I dont want to hear what he has to say, all of it doesnt mean a damn thing to me anymore. When I was at work, I called his mom to help me find a cheap flight to come and stay with them in Chicago for a little while, and when I called and told Aaron this he hung up on me. When I got home that night, he was angry, and kept saying how hurt he was. I couldnt believe he was only focusing on how HE felt! That made the situation worse! Later he came to me, apologizing, upset, promising to work the next day. Well the next day (Wednesday) he did work, and I was so happy and proud of him that I went out and bought him a new pair of pants. Im fucking retarded for rewarding my husband for going to work for ONE day, I know. He said he was going to work everyday for the rest of the week. He didnt go to work Thursday. I reminded him 3 times before I went to work to call the office and get a shift for Friday and Saturday. When I got home from work I asked him to show me on his phone that he called. He told me he did call them and they said they might not need anyone because the boat hasnt been too busy the last few days. I still asked to see the proof. I found out he lied and didnt call them, and he admitted that he forgot. I almost punched him in the face. I wanted to scream "how the FUCK, Aaron, do you forget to do something that could save your MARRIAGE?!" Seriously, though, how??? Instead, I didnt say a word, and I let him talk. He said "Im tired of being wrong all the time. Im tired of doing this to you. I want to be a good husband, I want to make you happy." I thought to myself "If he really means what he's saying right now, he'll get up in the morning and call the office to see if he can work a shift that day. He didnt.
Earlier that night, he asked me "what can I do to be a great husband? I mean I know working is one thing, but what else?" I replied with "If you view us as a team, that would help out a lot. As a TEAM, we take care of the finances. As a TEAM, we take care of Olive, and as a TEAM we do the household chores. I cant leave you with all of the responsibilities and you cant do that to me, either." Maybe that would help? Nope. The house is still a mess. He didnt work Saturday. I dont even think he tried.
He said he turned in a schedule request when he worked Wednesday, and he said he SHOULD be on the schedule for this week. The boat doesnt cruise on Mondays, so tomorrow is the day. I know I said it last week, but if he doesnt work tomorrow, Im gone. He gets up in time to go record, he makes plans every night to visit his friends. He stays up until 530 or 630 in the morning and then sleeps until 3pm. Its frustrating.
What the fuck do I do.
His parents already know. 2 months ago I had to call the landlord and use our deposit to pay the rent. You would think that this shit would make something click.
But it doesnt.
So, Im going to leave, and let him take care of EVERYTHING (except Olive, of course).