Wasting time..........

[nickie314]

I leave in less then a week to return to where I am from...... AHHHHHH....... I can't breathe . Thats how I feel like I am gasping to keep in this clean pure air life nature love. I am in love. I don't want to be the 80 year old women wondering if I have failed at life because i didn't take that chance on the love of my life and that I made the wrong choice. How do you know what the right choice is. Its to late now. i have Jobs transfered and new people hired and places to be and people to be with. I can't change my mind. People say you know if you have met the one...... The one to spend all of eternity with. I think I have met him and I will never know because I am cutting it short and leaving after just knowing him for a month. He is so wonderful Smart Handsome manly Chrismatic charming caring loving and complimentry. When ever I think of him I feel like my insides are going to burst. Its like I know I should have just not gone camping. If I wouldn't have gone then I wouldn't feel this way. All it took was that weekend and I knew. I am crazy. I can't believe that I am this way. I know that when I like a guy it is always something like oh we connect on this level or I feel like he gets me this way ...... But this time it is not like that. This time he just calms me. I am so panic stricken to often that i am sure it is unhealthy I just worry way to much about stuff and over analyze things. So when that starts to show he just looks at me and says.... " Does it really matter. Is there any thing you can do about it right now and I am sure every thing will be ok. Then I think he is right why am I freaking out over nothing. I know I can do that for myself but ...... It doesn't help when any one else says it to me but when he does.... I just become calm. I want to tell him I love him but I am afraid and I really don't want to be the first one to say it. I hope I see him tonight. He is on some hike thing with his friends. I really should be using this time to pack more shit. I want to leave by early Saturday but by the way things look I won't be leaving until Sunday. OH well I better go be productive before a night of drunkeness.
Adios
N.H.K.