You can never go back only forward

[nickie314]

Awise man once said that to me.....haha ok it was my dad more a wise ass then a wise man if you ask me but same difference. It is 2 in the morning and I am still awake.... I can not sleep. I have so much on my mind. I am moving back to San Diego. Crazy. It makes me nervous. But over all I think this is the best desicion for me. I am just to straped for cash here not that is less expensive in San Diego but ..... I can live with my dad there for a few months until I can get my shit more together and focused. Focusing is a big word in my life right now. I feel like I have so many paths to choose that I am afraid that I am choosing the wrong one. I feel like I have grown a lot here and found more of who I am and what I want in life. I just don't know if I am ready to go back to all the drama and people that I knew there and living with my dad and anne again makes me soooo nervous. Will I feel like I am in hell living there God knows that I hated it so much before and I was so depressed. I just am depressed in life and I have had a few hard months emotionally and I need support from people who love me and know me so that if I am a little crazy some times it will be ok. We all get a little crazy some times. So I am going to be out of my apartment May 1st and couch surfing until I can move to San Diego because there is no point in me finding a new roommate for a month or two. I am thinking of just taking all my stuff down with me when I go for a week in May. Then I think that is silly why don't I just go down to live there in May. I havn't registered for my test yet and I almost wonder if I should just register to take it in San Diego. Just be ready to be living there by then. I don't know I am sooo confused. So this is what is concrete in my life at this point. I know I am moving to San Diego sometime in the next 4 months. I know that I am taking a test May 21st to get ABO Certified. I know that when I live with my dad I don't have to pay anything for living there. grr.... oh well I guess I will just try to go to sleep again .
Adios Amigos
N.H.K.