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Sep 22, 2005 16:06

im sick of having to exist in one state of mind to remember the other ( Read more... )

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herbodyspins September 22 2005, 21:44:17 UTC
please throw your venn diagrams, probabilities, and labeled thoughts out of your hypothetical window for 5 minutes and tell me one thing. don't think about this mathematically. think about this emotionally.

whether your individual location is in A, B, or the apparently 'impossible' universal (which, by the way, is VERY possible); tell me something. what instances or organisms take you to THERE? no matter how often you are THERE or how intense being THERE is, I want to know (and I want you to know) what is bringing you to that state of no pressure.

but if you want to remain in your academic point of view, you are forgetting a few key variables and a few 'what if' statements. you are forgetting variable J (we'll assume that is myself). you are forgetting variable C (we'll assume that is the deep deep part of yourself that knows all). you are forgetting variable H (we'll assume that is your ultimate happiness). you are forgetting the 'what if the logical impossibility is really remaining an impossibility because you are making it something it is not meant to be (in this situation): logical'. and finally, I suppose it is me that is wondering about variable X (we'll assume that is what brings your organism closest to this universal THERE).

you make your major very apparent. or maybe it's just that logics class. but man. fuck this, Nick. fuck it. I fucking love you. flat out, plain and simple, no numbers involved. I love everything about you. I love your qualities and admire them greatly, I love and appreciate your faults because they make you such a beautiful and truly original human being. you are attractive and intelligent. you are caring and affectionate. you are humorous and apathetic. you have been hurt, you have had experiences that I'm sure I couldn't even begin to fathom, you have made great accomplishments. and I love every single bit of it. I don't care how much you could ever hurt me, that simple fact of sincere human appreciation will never fade. I would take a fucking bullet for you and would jump off of a cliff if it meant your life would be a happy one. because that is the one thing that I want for you. happiness. I would try until the day that I die to make you as happy as you possibly could be, which I'm sure would falter, but I would never EVER stop trying. I do no expect your views and/or feelings to be mutual, and I really don't care if they are (well I do care, but you know what I mean). the only thing I wish for you is that you find your fucking impulse and you act on it. because extensive thinking takes you farther away from your natural instincts. and your natural instincts are closest to your sub-conscious soul, in my opinion.

if you want your freedom and independence and the overall ability to be where you want when you want to with whoever you want to be there with. good! take it! as long as that is what makes you happy. but you better bet on your fucking grave that if I could ever have even the SLIGHTEST possibility of feeding you bliss while still giving you the alternate variables that aid in your happiness, I would take it without a fucking second thought.

because you can't feel the heat beneath my skin when I see your face. you can't feel the racing of my heart when I can touch your skin. you can't feel the relaxation of all of my muscles when I hear your voice.

but this isn't about how I feel. I want you to set aside how I feel and I want you find your happiness and take it. because you deserve that more than anything.

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nickbleedsblack September 23 2005, 07:53:01 UTC
im baffled. it makes me feel great to hear these things, it truly is. thank you.

i care so much for you too.

im taking my time, i am sorry.

don't think youre the only one feeling restless.

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