(no subject)
hmm. wow, feeling really great. a little hopped up on dextroamphetemines though. Not a very bad thing if I might say so myself. I don't know how to explain, everything seemed so clear when they started kicking in. I had the BEST conversation of my life when I called Meredith at eleven. I then proceeded to talk for roughly five hours straight. I listened too, but this was my oppurtunity to make up for six months of emotional walls. I've never been so social in my entire life. Everything I had to say seemed to me like the most important thing I've ever said in my entire life and therefore enabled me to say anything. No inhibition, no anxiety, no chest pressure. I've never opened up to anyone before like I did tonight for Meredith. It was definately the best conversation I've had with anybody ever.
We've been on the rocks lately but I've discovered that I'm a huge baby and need female attention. The attention I was no longer getting from Meredith caused me to form dislike and that later turned into relentless spite. I realize now that I almost made a mistake in deleting her from my life. She actually enjoyed listening to me talk for five hours straight. Of course it was not just me, we discussed and shared and seriously understood each other for the first time in too long. Oh man, the smiles, hence the new icon. Well, I feel like I can seriously write my thoughts in here for hours. Holy shit.
I cringe thinking about what it would have been like to go one without having this one oppurtunity to share everything. I actually shared. Too much have I been unable to share what it is I'm feeling. Too much have I wondered how it is possible. Too often have I blamed the girl for not listening properly or creating a conducive sharing enviornment. Meredith I haven't said it enough lately but I am sorry for the way I have been actiing. I take it you now understand because the important things I reiterated at least three or four times.
I popped three tablets to start a long night of studying and hopefully getting my paper done early. I can't believe how the events unfolded the rest of the night. Thank you Meredith for being there when I wasn't for you. What if huh? What fucking if. LMAO I can't wait for what tomorrow may bring and for the first time in my life, I can't stop looking forward to the days that lie ahead of me. Can you honestly say you can?
We've been on the rocks lately but I've discovered that I'm a huge baby and need female attention. The attention I was no longer getting from Meredith caused me to form dislike and that later turned into relentless spite. I realize now that I almost made a mistake in deleting her from my life. She actually enjoyed listening to me talk for five hours straight. Of course it was not just me, we discussed and shared and seriously understood each other for the first time in too long. Oh man, the smiles, hence the new icon. Well, I feel like I can seriously write my thoughts in here for hours. Holy shit.
I cringe thinking about what it would have been like to go one without having this one oppurtunity to share everything. I actually shared. Too much have I been unable to share what it is I'm feeling. Too much have I wondered how it is possible. Too often have I blamed the girl for not listening properly or creating a conducive sharing enviornment. Meredith I haven't said it enough lately but I am sorry for the way I have been actiing. I take it you now understand because the important things I reiterated at least three or four times.
I popped three tablets to start a long night of studying and hopefully getting my paper done early. I can't believe how the events unfolded the rest of the night. Thank you Meredith for being there when I wasn't for you. What if huh? What fucking if. LMAO I can't wait for what tomorrow may bring and for the first time in my life, I can't stop looking forward to the days that lie ahead of me. Can you honestly say you can?