unrelated to the post: ants gross me out
Overall it's been an unpleasant and confusing few weeks. An unpleasant cluster of weeks that I wish I could compartmentalize in a way so as to think of it as the past; a chapter of my life with a definitive end that allows me to focus a little less on how my week in the hospital will affect my future, so that more of my brain would just stay fucking focused on the present.
Seeing my therapist tomorrow will hopefully help with that a little. And I'd be remiss not to mention that having a toddler is quite distracting and she FORCES me to stay in the present. My neurons need to be focused on what her neurons are doing and what sort of activities will hold her attention the longest while also being enriching.
You know what I've realized? Activities that are enriching for a toddler who's mind is always in the present, are just as enriching for an adult.
Playing in the sand: enriching.
Painting and coloring: enriching.
Slowly walking around the neighborhood and smelling all of the flowers planted next to the sidewalk: enriching.
Listening to Sesame Street while cleaning (Violet switches between watching and playing): enriching.
Sticking to kroutines: enriching.
Of course the list goes on. My brain would be a far more terrifying place right now if it weren't for my little bean.
I don't know. I'm feeling a little on edge right now so I don't think it's in my best interest to go more into detail on all of the bullshit.
I guess I'll mention though that discharging me was a shitty move that's seriously affecting my health now. My health is in a bad spot. And given all of the test results that the doctors had before pushing me out I'm realizing how fucking arbitrary a doctors decision can be.
So when a patient rapport has been adversely affected for one reason or another, their health can be trifled with and very little can be done to change it.
It's so fucked up. I feel like I'm a pawn in some big ego-boosting game for some of my doctors. And with my health issues, I can't just "go to another clinic" because there isn't one for hundreds of miles.